Thanks Everyone!<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

Hi Bryan,<P>Just joined in and have read some of your prior posts. I am sorry you are in this predicament. We all are. The differences are the time, length of marriage, children or no children, money issues, living arrangements, etc. <P>The excuses are basically the same regardless of where we live or background. Us older ones sometimes base it on MLC (mid life crisis), some of the younger ones blame it on 'getting married too young'. Whatever the reason, the outcome is the same. Damage to the family unit. <P>Now to the option to repair. This varys and you are on the d/d board with your questions because your wife is talking about that as an option. Well, so am I. <P>There are a lot of suggestions for attempts at saving one's marriage. The Harley's have many avenues for your disposal. Just because your situation is similar to someone else's does not guarantee the outcome will be the same. <P>Trying to understand where you wife's thinking is will be hard. It was for me to understand where H's logic was while he was in the 'fog'. Basically, there was no logic. Funny how all the things they (WS) say 'have always bothered' them about us (BS) was never really mentioned or discussed with the vengence until now that there is an OP around. Hmmmm...... I was thinking about this very same thing this weekend. <P>What I do know is that:<P>1. You can not control the WS while they are in the fog. <BR>2. There is no real reasoning with the WS while they are in<BR> the fog. <BR>3. You can control your actions and thoughts. <BR>4. You can help to WS to think (I call stimulating the <BR> gray cells) which 'may' help them come out of the fog. <BR>5. There are periods of the WS being rational. The longer<BR> they are in the A, the more frequent it could be. <BR>6. Initial fog (after d/d), is very dense and so is the WS.<BR>7. Your strength will come from your support group, here at<BR> MB.com, family, friends, counselors, etc. Use them to <BR> help you. <BR>8. The roller coaster ride (of emotions) runs 24/7. <BR>9. You will ride that roller coaster until you are <BR> emotionally strong enough to take yourself off of it. <BR>10. At that point, you will find the acceptance stage of <BR> grieving easier for you. Plan B comes in about this <BR> time. <P>Here is what helped me:<P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html</A> <P>You are going through a rough time. Some of us have been at it a bit longer. There is good suggestions here. If you can take a look another post, it may have helpful hints, like the emotional needs questionnaire and phone counseling sessions with Jennifer or Steve Harley. Either as a couple (preferrable) or individual (also good) will be beneficial for you. <P>Please understand your lost and frustrated feelings today are temporary and you will get stronger. The road you are traveling down is a well worn road. Many have been on it ahead of us. This board on all different sites (d/d, GQII, recovery, Just found out, etc.) have all been helpful to me. <P>I encourage you to continue posting here. <P>Take Care,<BR>lhm<P>

Orchid..<P>Thank You very much for your message. I learned many different things in your message. At this point, I don't really know if my wife is still in "the fog" or if she is just holding out in the mean time to get more financially ready to be on her own. We still are very respectful towards each other, we are very affectionate with each other and we continue to support each others emotional needs. The only reason why she is wanting a separation / divorce is because she feels that she "married too early" and she wants MORE independence to go out and party with her friends. I have never refused her to go out and have fun, but I have asked her to do this less frequently, Maybe Once a week or so.<P>Please write back anytime!!<P>Take Care<P>Bryan<P>------------------<BR>BJK

Hi Bryan,<P>Wow, that was a quick response!!!! Just remember, how they act and feel today may change tomorrow or even within the next hour. As much as possible, be stable. When you get a bit shakey, come here or call your support people. <P>Take care,<BR>L.<P>

Hi Starcrossed,<P>Ook is just something I like to say. It's kind of a catch-all phrase for whatever the occasion calls for. Mostly used for emotions or for when you don't have anything to say at all. Of course, if I used it that way here, I would just confuse everyone. <P>In anycase, my H and I have decided to take it one day at a time... We'll see how that goes. We still have unresolved issues, and like positivebryan's situation, we still respect each other and aren't at each other's throats. But we can talk about these issues and see how it turns out. As I indicated before, I take a long time to make up my mind. <P>Ook

Bryan, <P>Still pulling for ya. Orchids advice is good, not surprised.<P>Ook,<P>I am happy for your progress. One day, one step, one start!<BR>Please post your story - you have a ways to go & a lot of people who will go with you every step you take, or any tear you make (was that a song?). You don't have to do this alone & it would be better if you heard from those who have been there before you - good news bad news here you are not the first & won't be the last - but your marriage could turn out the best!<P>You will probably here a Dr. Phil Hartman mentioned here (He winds up on Oprah on Tuesdays often). He believes if you have a spark you can build a fire in time with patience, love & understanding.<P>Good Love, Good Luck to You Both, May God Bless,<BR>Tim

Thank You!<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

Thank You!<BR>

Thank You!<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

Divorce SUCKS!<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK