Okay, so the deputy came by and just served me papers tonight. Then, after I get that, my husband sends me an email saying "Thank you for sending me the nice card". Okay, so what is that all about. I still believe in this marriage and want to stand. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cigi...<P>Your situation sounds very similar to mine. My wife was the WS and she says the same things. One day she is crying and saying that she loves me and can't live without me and the next day, she is looking for another apartment. I really can't explain why they do this. Please try to keep a positive attitude. Do you have any children?<P>I wish you the best<P>Bryan<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

Hi Bryan,<P>No children. Which to him makes it "easy to get a divorce". He says that "God didn't want us to have children because he knew that we would get divorced" and "God is telling me to get a divorce."<P>What is your situation? How are you handling it?

My suggestions would be as follows:<P>1. Get yourself to a therapist as quickly as possible. One who will tell you it's OK to be without him for now, and that you can't make his decisions for him. But also, look into Plans A and B, and how to work on yourself rather than letting his concept of you drag you down. <P>2. When you are on a more even keel (short term -- long term stability will take a while), get a good list of family-law attorneys in your area from <A HREF="http://www.martindale-hubbell.com" TARGET=_blank>www.martindale-hubbell.com</A> and/or friends' referrals, and have a beauty contest where you're eyeball-to-eyeball with at least three of them before you make your final decision. Then tell the attorney to fight for your rights, and keep yourself out of the way of that aim.<P>3. Keep coming back here for reality/sanity checks, as well as doing your homework by reading books on how people like yourself handle divorce. You didn't choose it, it's not your fault, but you've gotta learn to live with it. For the future to be better, you have to make it better. Sooner or later, it always gets better. Your goal is for it to get better sooner, rather than later.

Cigi..<P>First of all, God does not like Divorce, the fact that your husband said those things about not having children was a sign from God are totally bogus!! I would ignore those comments completely. He married you for better or worse, richer or poorer and he promised to make you happy for the rest of his life! In my situation, we have no children, which I am thankful for at this point, I think my wife is one of those people who suddenly decides that she doesn't want to handle the responsibilities of marriage. She thinks that I am a wonderful husband and she has told me that I haven't done anything wrong in our relationship that would lead her into an affair. This is what makes my situation very frustrating and confusing.<P>Take Care of Yourself! Think Positive! Things will get better!<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

Hey cigi- I feel for you! Two wks ago I got served and was SO surprised- just the night before I had given H a backrub and we had a middle of night nice chat. I was totally shocked by the papers. He said he surprised me because he was afraid I would take the kids out of state to my relatives because we moved here a year ago for his job. I demanded he come home from work and explain and he did and said that our marriage is hopeless, he doesnt love me anymore...etc etc.. Then that night he had a change of heart, told me he still loves me, that its the worst mistkae of his life and cancelled the papers the next day. Go figure! Men sometimes feel trapped and do things crazy then change their minds. Not to give you false hope! But it happened to me. Take care- lifeismessy

Hey Lifeismessy and Bryan,<P>Would love to talk further with you two. Could you write me on my email at findandkeep@yahoo.com.<P>Life is messy,<P>Thanks for writing. Any more pointers?