We went to our fourth session and it all came out. He finally heard from my lips that I was considering leaving him. I didn't want to tell him this for fear of the depression returning or of hurting him. Of course it would hurt him, why wouldn't it? I told him that I loved him but could not keep going through this forever. He cried, and cried, and cried. I felt awful but knew it had to be said. In the end though he was disappointed because he thought he could always count on me and now I was letting him down. Some days I feel so guilty, that I'm just being selfish and other days I know that it is just his depression talking. The last few days since have been good. I say good as compared to what they were but nowhere near where they need to be. I can see things improving a very little bit. My fear is that I don't know if I can hold on to the end. It seems so far away and I'm losing patience and strength to endure. Oh well. Tomorrow is yet another day. <p>Steph

Steph,<br>Pray for strengh, pray for patience, and pray for your husband. Have faith God as started you two on a road to happiness. Depression is only a syptom telling yourself that there is a problem. So don't overtreat the syptom but do over treat the problem and the syptom will take care of itself with proper care. Depression is like a fever left uncheck it can kill you or burn you to a vegtable but if you just treat the fever the infection is still there. But if you take care of the infection and the fever at the same time then you will become healthy twice as fast. So to with depression left uncheck depression will kill you but even if the depression is treated if the reasons the depression are not treated then it will resurface so treat both and your marriage will bounce back twice as fast. The key is to find out what the reasons are.

Rusty,<p>Thank you for your reply but I'm not the one with the depression. My H is and it is ruining my life emotionally and financially. If I knew how to treat it I would do it but I getting to the end of my rope.<p>Steph

Steph --<p>The only advice I can give you is to make sure, whatever you decide, that God is behind you. I'm not saying that to dissuade you from leaving your husband -- just make sure that you KNOW it is the right thing to do.<p>I realize that at this point you're probably mostly hoping that by just telling him that you're thinking about leaving, that he will make a greater effort. That was always my motivation when I talked to my wife about divorce. I never thought I'd really have to follow through. I threatened to leave my wife many times over the past seven years thinking that it might "wake her up," and that she might begin making an effort (ANY effort) to make some changes. Unfortunately, the only changes she made were to begin preparing for a life without me.<p>As I look back at all that has happened, especially the past six months, it's quite obvious that when I finally did leave, I jumped from the frying pan directly into the fire. But now that some time has passed, I see it more as the "refiner's fire," and can see much good from this painful experience. I really believe that God has been leading me, carrying me, and helping me to endure through all of this, and after a long period of self-doubt, I'm beginning to believe again that I did the right thing by leaving. But it hasn't been an easy journey.<p>Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. As long as you know you've done your best, and that includes enduring whatever hardships and trials Heavenly Father requires of you, then you can make decisions with a clear conscience. Just remember, you can't see the big picture -- you're going to have to depend on prayer and your testimony to guide you through this. Only God knows your husband's heart, his strengths and weaknesses, as well as yours. He knows what is possible for you as a couple and family, and what isn't. Be patient, and wait for clear answers before you take actions that you'll have to live with for the rest of your life, and eternity. And then be prepared to accept those answers and act on them, whatever they are.<p>I'll continue to keep you in my prayers, Steph. Hopefully your husband will be touched and healed so that you can receive the blessings and promises you both once treasured.<p>

Steph--it has been so long since I've been able to check this page. And I don't see any other posts from you (recent), so I guess I don't know what has been happening lately, but I think it is fine that you finallly told him that. He has depression, and sort of needs to be treated with kid gloves, but you can't lie either. ANd I think you have been pateint for SUCH a long time. Don't feel guilty. It isn't fair to be in a relationship where only one perosn's emotions matter (and I say this as the one suffering depression, I want my husband to be understanding, but it is MY place to take care of the depression) Best wishes to you. I hope I can catch up on this page soon. I hope Bruce and other are doing ok also. Here things are ok, my meds are making LIFE better, which in turn aliveates some of the pressure on the relationship, but we still have a lot of ground to cover. we haven't really been working on the relationship at all.

Serendipity,<p>I'm not using it as a threat. I don't mean it lightly. I have gone through this for six years and I am really at the end of my rope. I have gone to my bishop with this and my counselor's husband is a general authority so I trust her. I have put this in the Lords hands and for now he says to stay so I am. My H just came out and asked if I had thought about it. In all honesty I have. Believe me I am not rushing into it. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers.<p>GBM,<p>You are very observant. I haven't posted for quite awhile. I wasn't feeling like I had anything to add and putting down in writing what was happening here was more depressing than dealing with it. At one point my dad came here and started packing my stuff to take me home with him. My H doesn't know about that. It's to the point that I am now on Zoloft just to handle the problems. I don't see that as a good sign. I say that I'm staying for the kids but what good am I to them in this state of mind. I'm just so confused right now I don't really make sense. Thanks for your concern. I'm glad that things are looking up for you. <p>Steph