Married for 2 years, she has 2 kids from previous marriage, my first time. We have been separated for 6 months but still talk and I pay the rent (I live with a friend). She uses the separation only when it is advantagous for her. When she wants something ie money, she is super nice and I melt. When things don't go her way, she gets mad at the smallest thing but won't tell me what it is (she says that what the problem is, I should know what got her mad!!) and then we don't talk for days. We have only been intimate once in six months so of course I'm missing that. My heart tells me to do the D thing but then I think that I'm not trying my best and I feel guilty. It seems that I'm always waiting for her to make the next move!<BR>This is nuts, how long do we have to separated before I learn my lesson and make it final. I'm lonely and lost.<BR>

Dani<BR>You have come to the right place if you want to put this relationship together and move on to the happily ever after. How much have you investigated on this site? Divorce is the last most desperate option! You CAN work it out. And if YOU want it, it is possible for her to want it too. Look around here and then post and vent all you want and we will try to be helpful.<BR>One of the best things people did for me was to encourage me to give it all I could for about a year. At the end, I saw that he was not willing to be accountable and prove his trustworthiness, and so I could leave with no guilt -- well, that is an overstatement. But the guilt is less cuz I know I did all I could. It has helped me be healthier and happier, despite the pain and anguish inherent in my situation.

<BR>Thanks for the response. My problem is that I think it is over. We have not spoken in over a week but I know that when we do talk if she is nice to me , I forget what I'm feeling and I'm hers. I feel like she might be manipulating me.Part of me wants to move on.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Dani1962 (edited May 02, 2001).]

Welcome <B>Dani1962</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Take it step by step..<BR>Start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>If it was not meant to be...<BR>...move on to Plan B... check out...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.)</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000413.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 201</A>.<P>But take it slow...<BR>Learn all you can...<BR>Give your marriage all you can!<P>You are not alone!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

The hard part is waiting for her to make to either be nice or nasty. I refuse to spend the next 10 years living like this; that is what my parents did and the whole family is miserable. Why not just cut your losses and move on??<P>Dani1962

Dani,<P>You came to Marriage <B>Builders</B> for a reason... that's why you don't let go... you aren't ready to let go yet. Are you?<P>Jim gave you some great links. Read up on Plan A... and then begin... and look into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link with the Harley's</A>. You will get some fantastic guidance.<P>Best wishes.<BR>

It takes two to make it work and I don't think that I have what it takes to hang in there before she decides that the whole world is not against her. She is in conflict with everyone, blames everyone and when she does have a moment of clarity she gets mad at me because I wasn't there for her. I have been patient and understanding for too long and now the line is crossed and I'm always angry and have no patient for her games. I have nothing left to give because I do not believe anymore.<P>Dani1962<BR>

Dani,<P>Gosh, I am having a hard day myself, so forgive me if I'm not as kind as I usually am:<P>You can save a marriage by yourself. I know, I've seen it many, many times on these boards. When NOTHING ELSE works, the principles here DO.<P>I know how it feels to be "doing it alone" and how you feel like giving up. I did give up. I am divorced. I have a ka-zillion posts here (actually over 3000) and if you have a week or so, you could read about how I came here, and read entirely through my process. <P>I am still here to help people, like you, to see that unless you have TRULY *hit the wall* that there is still hope. <P>Regrets suck, Dani. That's what I preach.<P>Best wishes, truly... and maybe tomorrow I can come back and tell you a bit of my story. I just can't rehash it for you today... warning... it's LOOOONG. <P>