From an invitation to talk to total silence in the course of a few days. I have stepped back and removed the pressure but the fact of the matter is that certain things need to be taken care of in the meantime. I am 250 miles away with no way of contacting him if he wants to avoid me and I'm beginning to fear that he is going to just take off and abandon the marriage. It wouldn't be totally out of character for other things he has done in his life. Considering how haphazard the seperation was handled(I basically had to run off with little more than the clothes on my back.)it seems my divorce will be too.<BR> I don't want to LB him or pressure him into contact but I also am very worried about getting shafted even more than I already have. I lost my home, the bank account is cut off from me, and he can in effect do whatever he wants with little recourse from me. I'm so afraid that he's going to go off the deep end and I have no way of stopping it. I can't even explain to you all how violated I feel today, having all control snatched from you is a terrible thing.

Nduli2,<P>I was thinking about you earlier and wondering how you where doing. Sounds as if STBX is really on a ME trip! How incredibly selfish. <P>If I could I would smack him right upside the head. <P>Please keep posting and poor out your pain here. It is such a heavy load to carry on your own and I for one am more than happy to help you carry it. You are dealing with more than your fair share right now.<P>(((((((((hugs)))))))))))))<P>Take Care.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nduli2:<BR><B>I'm so afraid that he's going to go off the deep end and I have no way of stopping it. I can't even explain to you all how violated I feel today, having all control snatched from you is a terrible thing.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Of all places, it should not be necessary to explain how you feel <I>here</I>. I for one know exactly what you mean...<BR>

I feel your pain. You must go on with your life. <BR>Believe in yourself and have faith that you will be ok.<P>Dani1962

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nduli2:<BR><B> I don't want to LB him or pressure him into contact but I also am very worried about getting shafted even more than I already have. I lost my home, the bank account is cut off from me, and he can in effect do whatever he wants with little recourse from me. I'm so afraid that he's going to go off the deep end and I have no way of stopping it. I can't even explain to you all how violated I feel today, having all control snatched from you is a terrible thing.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>My dear Nduli,<P>I am sorry for what you are being put through. I would like to show you how to put it in a different light that may help you see some light. <P>1. You are feeling violated for having all the control snatched away from you. This is bad. But you are no longer responsible for the bad consquences either. <P>2. You are afraid he is going off the deep end and have no way of stopping it. This is correct and a bad feeling, however, there is no guarantee that you will continue to be prevented from providing assistance. The one thing wafflers are great at is changing their minds. Use that thought to your advantage.<P>3. You have lost your home and bank account, now he can do whatever with little recourse from you. Yes, while that may be true, can't you also make advancements in your life without recourse from him?<P>Same picture, different viewpoints. Reminds me of the story about the 2 twin boys whose parents put them in a room full of manure. One was an optimist the other a pessimist. The parents wanted to balance out their personalities and thought this might help. <P>After 1 hour locked up in the room full of manure the parents checked in on their sons and found the pessimist in the corner crying. He said he did not know why his parents were so mean to him and put him in a room full of stinking horse poop. The they looked across the room and saw the other son, humming away with a shovel in his hand scooping manure from one pile to another. When the parents asked the optimistic son what he was doing, his reply was: "Well, I thought with all this sh!!t here there must a pony somewhere!" <P>Small smile??!?!? We here are more optimists than pessimists. For a while whether you are in plan a, b or whatever, for your own protection try looking at things in a truthful way that will not drag you down. You are too good for that. <P>Your H is always communicating. Even by no contact, there is a message sent. Pull out the good, go on with life and discard the bad. That little pony will emerge from all that poop soon.<P>Take Care <P>

The only thing is unresponsiveness is telling me is that he doesn't care that the city of New York is ticketing the car on his name almost daily for expired tags. Oh well, no skin off my nose but he's going to get an unpleasent surprise in the mail very soon when I bundle up all those tickets and send it to him.<BR> This whole divorce is being handled very stupidly by him and with a level of responsiblity that a five year old might display. I was originally supposed to be here a month only and then it turned into a permanent situation when he up and decided he wanted the divorce. I'm being kept out of the loop of my own divorce and it's making me crazy, he's down there doing God knows what and I'm up here just keeping guessing,