I am having a sad sack moment. H just left with kids for the weekend. Again, he started in not mean or forceful, about us 'just sitting down and working this out" instead of letting the lawyers do it. It is going to cost alot of monfey and in the kids get hurt per him. <P>I said right now, I am going thru the lawyers and I don't care about the money.<P>No matter what I say, I lose. If I say, sure lets sit down and discuss who gets what, etc, I JUST CAN'T DO THAT. I don't want this divorce. If I show/tell that I am angry anymore, he says OH you're just trying to get back at me by hurting me. Just face it, it is over.<P>He picked kid up at bus stop and was just talking to everyone like to big deal. I want to barf. Nobody in the world gives sh*t that people just walk out on their families, live with other people, expose their kids to that, and just chat like oh well, doesn't involve me. I just don't understand that mentality. Maybe I am just too old fashioned or to judgemental or what but I have a hard time with people not giving a crap about people doing bad things. Oh, I forgot, adultery and divorce isn't a bad thing.<P>I want to slap the people he is living with in the head and say HEY YOU IDIOTS, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE INVOLVED IN WITH HERE, DO YOU KNOW WHY H WAS "KICKED OUT OF HOUSE" I am sure they don't know the truth and even if they did it probably wouuldn't matter. <P>I am just disgusted. I want to scream and shout. I want to go out and get drunk. (yaeh, I know, it doesn't solve anything) I didn't LB.<P><BR>PS: I have a friend (no, not that kind of friend) who is a man. We talk on the phone. Am I heading for trouble? I am feeling Needy. <P>Woe is me.<P>Hopelessmom

Proceed with caution with the male friend. Mine got to me at my worst and it started a relationship that I found I was not interested in and did nothing but create guilt on my end when I realized I was using him for a crutch and nothing more.<BR> As for the rest, yup I know the feeling. I just feel like teling my stbx that what is happening between us lately is not the way two people who cared very deeply for each other for a decade treat each other. No one else seems to be telling him this and it's infuriating.

Hopelessmom-<P>Everytime I see my W...I leave feeling like a loser. Everytime I see my kids...I walk away feeling like I have failed them. Exactly what I never ever wanted. <P>I am very familiar with "loserdom." We hang out quite a bit, we're "buds." Of course after about an hour I'm back to my old self...(yea right).<P>DD<P>

hopelessmom:<P>Lose the male friend. Find supportive women friends.<P>If you can't deal with the divorce, and you don't want it, I'd suggest that you let your lawyer deal with him. Let him know that you honestly don't want the divorce, and have a hard time participating in it without becoming emotional.<P>Mediation might be an alternative.

HM-You are not the loser. He is. You are the one that can hold your head up high, knowing that you did everything you could to save your marriage.<P>He will never know the treasure he lost in you and your children.

You know...the worst thing about infidelity, betrayals, lies and abandonment - is that not only do our spouses heap all that pain on us, but then we turn around and help them!<P>Why is it that we hate ourselves and beat ourselves up so much for something that makes the other person the true loser in every sense of the word?<P>HM, I know it's hard, and I struggle with the same issue - but we gotta stop depending on other people and their opinions of us to make us feel like real human beings.<P>Its not a healthy emotional dependency! <P>You are a good mom, and a faithful wife. That doesn't sound like a loser to me.<P>(((((((hugs)))))))))<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hopelessmom:<BR><B>I am having a sad sack moment. H just left with kids for the weekend. Again, he started in not mean or forceful, about us 'just sitting down and working this out" instead of letting the lawyers do it. It is going to cost alot of monfey and in the kids get hurt per him. <P>I said right now, I am going thru the lawyers and I don't care about the money.<P>No matter what I say, I lose. If I say, sure lets sit down and discuss who gets what, etc, I JUST CAN'T DO THAT. I don't want this divorce. If I show/tell that I am angry anymore, he says OH you're just trying to get back at me by hurting me. Just face it, it is over.<P>He picked kid up at bus stop and was just talking to everyone like to big deal. I want to barf. Nobody in the world gives sh*t that people just walk out on their families, live with other people, expose their kids to that, and just chat like oh well, doesn't involve me. I just don't understand that mentality. Maybe I am just too old fashioned or to judgemental or what but I have a hard time with people not giving a crap about people doing bad things. Oh, I forgot, adultery and divorce isn't a bad thing.<P>I want to slap the people he is living with in the head and say HEY YOU IDIOTS, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE INVOLVED IN WITH HERE, DO YOU KNOW WHY H WAS "KICKED OUT OF HOUSE" I am sure they don't know the truth and even if they did it probably wouuldn't matter. <P>I am just disgusted. I want to scream and shout. I want to go out and get drunk. (yaeh, I know, it doesn't solve anything) I didn't LB.<P><BR>PS: I have a friend (no, not that kind of friend) who is a man. We talk on the phone. Am I heading for trouble? I am feeling Needy. <P>Woe is me.<P>Hopelessmom</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Dear HM:<P>I know very well the tack of the H trying to convince us that we should work things out for the benefit of finances and the children. Even to the extent of telling me we could save some money by using the same attorney...I don't think so...because I've learned that betrayal not only comes in the form of finding someone else to replace us but it also comes in the form of lying to us so that our guard is down and we get broadsided. You stick to your guns; stay with your attorney and the money situation will work itself out. In my case H is concerned about the money because he is hiding some right now and knows it is going to be found out when my attorney gets my papers. Also went so far as to tell me that he had not drawn up any papers for divorce but 1 week after my birthday..guess what? Papers in the mail for divorce decree...A little betrayal goes a long way; a lot of betrayal closes the door, at least for me. Always try to remember; you cannot change someone else's way of life or thinking and know because of that adultery and divorce is only a symptom of what is going on with them. I don't know if that helps get over the pain but that thought has given me insight into trying to find someone that I want to be with rather than someone I want to 'cling' to. For a while I was concerned about what he was telling other people about us, but then I realized that he is going to say things to justify what he does...that is what our situations are all about...<BR>Concentrate of doing one thing to show you love yourself everyday and know that God will not give you anything you cannot bear; but will with the temptation also make a way of escape that you may be able to bear it...Write to my email sarai1@usa.net<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Nobody in the world gives sh*t that people just walk out on their families, live with other people, expose their kids to that, and just chat like oh well, doesn't involve me. I just don't understand that mentality. Maybe I am just too old fashioned or to judgemental or what but I have a hard time with people not giving a crap about people doing bad things. Oh, I forgot, adultery and divorce isn't a bad thing.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It is just sickening. Over the past week four of my wifes friends have done really immoral stuff to assist my wife. Before this I would of called them my friends as well. The one that really hurts is a really close "christian" friend that both of us share stabbed me in the back. I would of believed anything this woman said. It's as if my wife is the devil and is recruiting. <P>All that I have to say is that I am and will walk the straight path. I know in my heart that I have always been faithful and honest. I also believe that come judgement day I will walk with the Lord.<P>Society is just plain f)(*&ed up about this. Our next generation will pay for our mistakes.<P>Bill<P>

HopeMom,<P>Your husband sounds like mine (see "What a Doozie," Emotional Needs). My husband turns into a screaming maniac, too whenever the divorce subject comes up. Well, I'm like you. I have decided that if he has anything to say to me outside of our son, he can just tell it to my lawyer. The communication breakdown is painfully obvious, maybe from guilt feelings he is sleeping with yet ANOTHER woman? Naaaah...he doesn't know I know (love those P.I.'s). He just wants to CONTROL everything! Just like in our marriage, he wants to dominate every detail of my life, including our divorce. My husband can make a nickel scream, so maybe he'll calm down after he sees how much this parlay between lawyers will cost him and calm the hell down! Then again, maybe not and he'll have to pay through his nose. His choice.<P>Nelle