I thought I was past this point but since finding out the he and the OW are no more I find myself becoming obsessed with him again, I'm typing this out here to avoid calling him again and thus LBing.<BR> I'm begining to think that the affair had nothing to do with him leaving me and that I really am not good enough for him. I had hoped when that "relationship" ran it's course he would once again be interested in at least talking but that doesn't seem to be the case.<BR> Not calling is so hard. I just want to talk to him and nothing more.

I know the temptation to call is strong but please please don't. You know that he will just cause you more pain at this point.<P>H is likely going through a lot himself. Just work on yourself. Be the person that he fell in love with. Not a desperate, sad soul.<P>I find it very hard to take my own advice at times. Be strong.<P>((((((((((((Nduli2)))))))))))))<P>Take Care, stay strong. Go out and do something for you!!<P>

I know but on Fridays I lose it, this was always the night were we had the most fun and did a bunch of things when he got home from work.<BR> I know he's going through some hard times, he wrote today to tell me he can longer afford rent or food, I wish I had extra money to send him but I'm scraping by myself at this point. I did tell him that I was very sorry for the hardship and that if I had the power to make everything okay I would. I just can't do anything right now, I'm so far away. I just wish he were nearby so I could show him what I mean and that I do care that this time is hard on him too. Sure, I've laughed at times at some of the stupid things he's caused happen to himself but I always feel terrible afterward and want to help him. <BR> At least I'm here at my mom's house getting some "cat therapy", losing my pets has been very hard for me and I hate that my cat has to live here and not with me(allergic roommate)<p>[This message has been edited by Nduli2 (edited May 04, 2001).]

Sorry I couldn't stay and chat, we had a school function to attend.<P>Fridays are usually mu bad days too as it is the day he comes home. I get all worked up at the thought of seeing him again. But this weekend he is not home and I am such peace with myself. It is just me and the kids and I kinda like it. I also just got an invite to a Cinco de Mayo party for tomorrow so this weekend is shaping up nicely. <P>I still think of my stbx often and wonder how all this makes him feel. They put on a pretty good front of being okay but he has cried with me twice in the past month and that is more than I have seen him cry in 11 years of marriage! Why he feels D is the only solution I'll probably never know. I have a counseling session in two weeks. Very expensive but it is all at my H urging. He will probably choke when he gets the bill!!! Oh well, this is what he wanted.<P>I'm not sure what time zone you are in but I am on PST so I'll be lurking for awhile.<P>

Dear Nduli,<P>As hard as it is, it may be wise not to call..... just yet. <BR>My H also ran out of money. Had to hit pretty near bottom before he was willing to even listen to reason. I will be posting my current status soon but we are going on day 6 back at home. <P>So money is thicker than blood. Well, money is a fixed commodity, can't get away from needing money. Sometimes, WS's forget families should be accorded the same due respect. Guess it is too easy to treat us like devalued currency. Hm..... Maybe that's it. Treat us like GOLD!!!!<P>Hey, your H needs to see that you are worth more than precious gold. Take a look in the Bible at Proverbs chapter 31. The entire chapter is dedicated to describing the wife. Likening her value more than corals was a compliment back then. He has to see what YOU are worth. <P>May these thoughts help you make it through these times. My H does not really 'love' me like he 'should' yet but he does realize I am more valuable than OW. Hmm... Now that's progress. <P>I just need him to start waiting on me hand and foot...... not sure if that can be done.....<P>I wanted to share those thoughts with you and let you know that I have been thinking about you.<P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

He called my roommate last night and made it clear that he doesn't want to hear from me at all again. He said it's over and she has no need to have any questions answered or even have a face to face talk about anything. His mind is made up and that's final and I just need to accept his decision.<BR> I feel strangely dead emotionally. This man who I thought could empathize with me basically told her that I mean nothing now and my feelings deserve no regard. <BR> Fine. If we have truly come to this point then there is nothing left to work on and my stbx is just another one of those people who are able to trample all over another person emotionally and feel no accountibility for it. I just want my divorce settlment now and make my life up here as good as it can be. A little cash will go a long way towards making life more comfortable for me and since he could care less about giving me any closure to this I find I care very little about his financial difficulties. I don't care where he gets it, he just needs to get it. <BR>

Nduli,<P>Then his values are off kilter (sp?). Until his thinking clears, communication with him may need to run in the silent mode. Can you arrange for a session or two with Jennifer or Steve? A friend in a similar situation just had one and found it beneficial for herself and gave her pointers to watch for when dealing with her H. <P>Remember even silence can speak. You are giving him the space he requests and he can not make you out to be a bad person. He may try but it will get more and more difficult. <P>I hope he comes to his senses, you are a nice person who deserves to be treated well. Please take care.<P>L.<BR>