I have been married for 27 years to a very abusive man. We have two daughters. I had a terrible time raising those girls with him. He is one of the selfish men that I have ever known. I want a divorce but I'm afraid. I feel I can't make it on my own even though I work. I have bills that I pay and I just can't afford to live on my own right now.<P>I want out this marriage so bad until I have thoughts of suicide. My husband calls be all kind of abusive names. My self esteem is down to "NONE". <P>I met this wonderful man who is in a similiar situation with his wife. Like my husband she has affairs also and is abusive to him. I seem to have become very involve with him. He makes me feel alive, and loved. Something my husand will not do. <P>I pay all the health insurance, my car payment, all the life insurance and other bills. But he never gives me credit for anything, he just mentally abuse me. I'm to the point where I feel I'm just better off DEAD!

Dear CertainOne,<P>Number <B>ONE</B>, If you or your children are in <B>DANGER</B>... <B>GET OUT</B>!!!!<P>Number two, I take the threat of suicide very, very seriously! If you truly feel like this, I would <B>beg</B> you to seek help and not <B>do anything to harm yourself</B>. Your daughters need their mother!<P>Number three, if you decide to work on the marriage (and only you know if that is possible ~ which I doubt right now in your current situation, but that doesn't mean it won't be in the future) then please read the following links... begin with the Welcome Message, then see th Counseling Link, and if you feel up to it, then read the rest:<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A><P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A><P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A><P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A><P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A><P>You are <B>NOT ALONE</B> in being afraid to try and make it on your own. The financial burden is huge, I understand.<P>But right now -- AT THIS MOMENT -- your safety and that of your daughters is paramount.<P>Please, please take care of you!<BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Dear Certain,<P>Sweetie, you are NOT better off dead and you know that your girls need their mom. Safe to say that most of us here have felt much like you do today. <P>Tell us more... many here can help. How abusive is your H.? Physically, emotionally? Would you be in physical danger if you left? Is he abusive towards your daughters? How old are they and would you need to consider their care if you left? <P>We all have bills to pay and many of us here have been/are in dire financial straits but doing our best to make it work. (I'm among a few who have filed bankruptcy). <P>What would it take to bring you to peace and safety?<P>Love and Hugs to you,<P>Snow

The only danger I'm feeling right now is from me. I'm so frustrated and sad that I feel hopless and useless. Let me share some of things that made feel this way. I had a very close relationsip with my mom and dad. They both died and I felt so alone. Once and awhile he will say something about my parents in a negative way and this makes me yell at him and he walks out and leave me standing there HURT, SAD, and LOST. <P>My husband was not there for me when my parents died all he said life goes on. This man is cruel. He is not physically abusive "ANYMORE,"(but he has been in the past) after one incident I called the police on him and he has never touched me since that time (two years ago).) Our two daughters are both in college. They very seldom come around because they just hate the way he acts. I do not want my marriage to mend. I just want the courage and strenght to get out! He has made me feel less than zero. He tries to be nice for one or two days but he can never hold out. I have no friends because he is so rude and controlling. I am afraid to let people come over because I can't ever be sure if he will say something rude. So I just be alone, until I met this guy. Of course I know that is not the answer because I'm married and he is married but I just feel so alone. I use to be on the internet to meet friends but that was not the answer. Once my computer was off I was right back where I started, alone and sad. Believe me if it wasn't for my two daughters who I love VERY, VERY, much, I would have taken my life long time ago. The only thing that is keeping me alive is GOD. I have been praying real hard for strenght to keep me alive. Some people may call me weak but I have gone to hell and back with this man. I'm not afraid of him because he will not touch me but his mouth is his weapon, which is like a knife going in to my heart. I have done everything possible to be a good wife but it makes no difference to him. I just feel so empty and unloved.

GET TO COUNSELING as fast as your legs will carry you. Not so much for your marriage right now, as it is for "you". You need to talk with someone who has experience with this type of situation.<P>I never believed in therapists before my marital problems, but I can tell you that going to see one was the best decision I ever made in my life. It helped me in ways I could not have possibly foreseen.<P>Real quick story:<P>There was this elderly couple who lived down South. News went out in their city that a major flood was coming and everyone needed to evacuate as soon as possible. The couple stayed. Then they heard a knock at the door. It was a fireman - He said "you need to evacuate now, the flood is coming". The old couple said "thank you for your concern, but we will be alright - God will provide for us". The fireman left. A few hours later, the flood came and their house was filled with water to the second floor. Outside they heard a boat pull up to the house. It was another fireman - he said "come on out, I need to get you to safety". The old couple replied "thank you kind sir, but we are just fine - God will provide".<P>A few more hours past and now the couple was standing on their roof with no where else to go. Another boat came and the fireman once again asked them to get in the boat. The old couple responded "thank you once more, but no thank you. Our God will provide for us".<P>The next thing you know, the two people are standing at the gates of heaven talking with God. They are bewildered at why He did not provide for their safety.<P>God replied:<P>"I sent you three firemen to save you and you turned them all away. What else did you want me to do?"<P>Kind of a cute story, but it has a great point - Praying to God for help is only half the battle. You need to seek His help as well by starting to help yourself. Coming here to this site is a great first step. Now get to see someone in person. You sound like you are at the end of your rope - talking with someone will really help now...<P>God Bless,<P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

<BR>I could have written much of your story. You can do a search if you like and read what I've posted so far. I found this place last summer and I've been coming here regularly since.<P>I left my abusive husband in December. It has been very tough but I'm better off now than I was with him. Also, I have an involvement with another person that has helped me feel strong again. Just be careful. Mine started after I had already committed to leaving, but still WAY too soon ...<P>Are you in counseling? I have been to quite a few different ones. You have to find one you can really talk to ... keep looking until you find that one. For me, much of the depression has left me now that I do not face daily verbal/mental abuse and the threat of a return of physical abuse. I know how that feels. It is debilitating, and I went as far as attempting suicide due to severe emotional abuse. God saved me and forgave me for that, I am sure of it. I also lost most of my close friends and suffer from damaged family relationships due to the control and abuse. You can rebuild these ... and you may be surprised at how much these people can help you.<P>I should mention that I didn't leave my H until after trying marriage counseling, and more than once. The counselor asked him to agree to end the abuse, and he did agree, but he failed to follow through ... and I was at my boiling point. I know God did not put me here to be abused. That was not in my marriage vows. It is still hard to seek a divorce because between the fights, there were good times. I love the man I married. I just don't know him anymore.