Things don't look good.I'm doing a pretty good plan A, but it doesn't seem to penetrate. We had a pretty good weekend, wife treated me like a friend. Then comes Monday morning and I'm the enemy again.She seems to go coldest to me around her work schedule. I have tried since Oct/Nov (BUT- didn't find MB site until Feb!) to tell this woman I love her, let's work on us, but she is cold as ice. She denies an affair, but... I'm very tired of living w no affection. We will be moving apart at the end of June. Our house is sold and W bought a house. No discussion, just signed contracts. Says it was for tax purposes, rentals hard to find, it doesn't say we're finished. My sister says she's "stringing me along". No sf in months and months ( for me, anyway, she looks pretty happy.) I study the material, pray and pray,apply a good plan A, and NOTHING seems to have impact. I will survive this, but, WHAT is the deal here,where did my wonderful, beautiful wife go? She turned into party girl and became convinced I was... evil? Keeping her from having fun? not as much fun as the men she hangs with? When she started the partying, I LB big time ( Tina - let's go together, or why are you devoloping a "single" life etc.) This apparently was bad ( oh yeah, I got caught snooping. sigh. several times. sigh.) And so I'm tired of fighting the good fight. Even though I'm a "fantastic dad and a great guy" she's done. Sorry for the vent, I feel I'm slipping. I will be going to get meds tomorrow. I've counselled W Steve 3 times. Great stuff but no impact that I can tell. She seems to really enjoy denying affection to me at all costs. Divorce, unfortunately, seems most likely.<BR>

FamilyMan..<P>At what point did your wife become distant with you and when did she start to pursue the separation? I would try my best to avoid LB's at all costs. Would you provide more details on your marriage up until this point. i.e. Length of Marriage, Children, and your ages. Your situation is very similar to mine in which the wife feels like partying is more important than her marriage.<P>Take Care<P>Bryan<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

positivebryan -lets see if I can post some links here.<BR>Nope - didn't work. I'm going to paste a response from another thread. I'm 40, my wife is 30. Our marriage has had it's up and downs, but I've always thought I was VERY BLESSED and a lucky man. We've been married for 10 years. I love my wife w all my heart. I DO NOT want to seperate. But she does. If you search under my name you can find my story.<BR>I'm interested in your story. I pray often and try to keep my head.Sometimes I think my plan A is having an effect; other times it seems not. Sorry for the disjointed post;I'm trying to work at the same time I'm posting. <P>>>Scuba2- thanks for the response.I would argue this has been deteriorating since Sept/Oct. She is very social, got promoted at work,and began hanging w a crowd at work that has influence, but seem immoral to me. She agrees! So when she started hanging w this group after work at bars, frequent social outings at this house or that house,I'm <BR>expressing my concern ("hey, we could go together, is this appropriate, etc.).About this time I got very concerned about an affair. She insists that there's no affair ( I'm not so sure). This has been one of our biggest issues.("they're just work friends"). I express my concern, this is labelled controlling and jealous. Possibly. She has lied (e.g. I'm going out w a girlfriend, turns out she's w a divorced guy from work until 3am at a bar).I started snooping and got caught several times- man was that a problem! I've haven't been the easiest to live with; but <BR>while she's out partying I'm watching the kids. I do most of the dishes,cooking, laundry, shopping, and lately kid administration.I've always, through our marriage tried to show affection-now it seems to have little or no value. I am trying plan a , I love my wife dearly - but she "needs to leave me to be happy". AAAGGHH! ( Sorry for venting). <BR>She used to be very loving and caring,I'm not sure what happened.My wife turned 30 in March, maybe this could invite some sort of crisis.

rem<p>[This message has been edited by Family Man (edited May 08, 2001).]

Family Man,<P>Sorry to read of what you and your family are going through. Sounds like you are trying very hard to make things work with no avail.<P>With a quick read through your post, this is hindsighted I know, but when the two of you married she was ONLY 20 and you were 30 (a flag to me). Worlds apart in age and life experiences, if you'd have come to date my daughter, I'd have chased you away for the age difference reason alone. Not trying to be cruel during such a painful time of your life but I DO believe the difference in your ages has had alot to do with this.<P>Ragamuffin

Ragamuffin - Thanks for your reply. I've thought of that, but it's been such a non issue, in my opinion, throughout our relationship.It seems to me it would be more likely to have been trouble in the beginning while dating than at this point(2 great kids, great house,good jobs,etc).But you may be right. Tell ya what though, I'm going to keep trying! <BR>We're both active (I go to the gym 2x daily 5 days a week.),like participating in sports and had seemed a good match!

rem<p>[This message has been edited by Family Man (edited May 08, 2001).]

It just occurred to me that my "replacement" is also 40.Oh, wait, they're just "very good friends"...<p>[This message has been edited by Family Man (edited May 08, 2001).]