MY WIFE AND I HAVE BEEN SEPARATED FOR 14 MONTHS.SHE LEFT BECAUSE I WAS DEPRESSED AND SOMEWHAT PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE IN THE PAST. WE HAVE A WONDERFUL LITTLE17 MONTH OLD BOY. MY WIFE HAS BEEN LIVING WITH HER MOM ALL THIS TIME SINCE THE SEPARATION. IN THIS AMOUNT OF TIME I HAVE GONE TO COUNSELING, TAKEN CONTROL OF MY DEPRESSION AND MOVED TO IDAHO TO BE NEXT TO MY WIFE AND SON. THINGS HAVE NOT BEEN EASY SINCE I MOVED HERE, AS MY WIFE HAS BEEN VERY, DEEPLY ANGRY AND HURT AT THE PAST. I THOUGHT I HAD BEEN WORKING WELL AT SLOWLY REGAINING TRUST. WE WERE SLOWLY GROWING AGAIN, MAYBE TORWARDS RECONCILIATION. WE WERE GOING TO CHURCH AND HAD TRIED A COUPLE MARRIAGE COUNSELORS, BUT SHE TOLD ME HER HEART WAS NOT IN IT, SO I HAD TO QUIT. SHE TOLD ME SHE FORGAVE ME AND SHE WOULD KEEP TRYING COUNSELING. ABOUT THREE WEEKS AGO SHE TOLD ME SHE COULDN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. SHE HAD TALKED TO SEVERAL "BIBLICAL" SOURCES AND THEY SAID, "ONCE AN ABUSER, ALWAYS AN ABUSER", AND SHE QUOTED JEREMIAH SAYING THAT GOD WOULD NOT PUT HER AND THE BABY BACK IN HARM'S WAY. I LOVE MY SON AND WIFE TO DEATH AND CAN SEE CHANGES IN ME. I WANT TO BE A GOOD HUSBAND AND TRAIN OUR CHILD THE WAY THE LORD WOULD WANT. SHE SEEMS DETERMINED TO HAVE HER MOM NOW BE THE DAD AND HER THE SINGLE MOM WHO IS BETTER OFF. I ACKNOWLED MY SIN BEFORE GOD OF HURTING MY WIFE. I'VE HEARD THE WAY TO BREAK THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE IS TO NO LONGER DENY. I ACCEPT THAT I WAS AN ABUSER AND MY SIN TOOK AWAY THE VERY THING I LOVED THE MOST-MY FAMILY. THIS GRIEF IS ALMOST TOO MUCH TO BEAR. I HAVE PRAYED FOR GOD TO INTERVENE, BUT WONDER IF MY WIFE'S HEART IS TOO WELL BARRICADED TO LET GOD PENETRATE. I ASK FOR PRAYER FROM THOSE WHO WOULD GIVE IT. WOMEN USUALLY SIDE WITH OTHER WOMEN AND SAY, "YOU ARE BETTER WITHOUT HIM. MOVE ON AND BE HAPPY". WHAT ABOUT FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION IF THE MAN IS UTTERLY REPENTANT? IS THAT AN OLD TRAIT OF MARRIAGE, NO LONGER ACCEPTED IN TODAY'S SOCIETY? I WISH I KNEW WHAT TO DO......

Welcome <B>BIGBADMUFF</B>...<P>Just a few hints to get more responses...<BR>1. Don't write in ALL UPPER CASE (it usually means you're yelling - in chat/internet talk)<BR>2. Write in paragraph format... not one long dialog!<BR>...ok... now for my reply.<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>You have started on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... and that is good...<P>Check out more by looking a my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>You W could use some lesssons on forgiveness...<BR>Do check out for yourself...<BR>...and then selective for her...<BR><B>Web sites..</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A><BR><A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A><P><B>Books...</B><BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P><B>Links to posts...</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000076.html" TARGET=_blank>Can I forgive?????</A>…..indy032…..1/31/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003000.html" TARGET=_blank>The apology letter from my husband</A>…..Crushed…..5/18/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003319.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness.....</A>…..just_me…..6/5/2000<BR><B>and this on especially</B>...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/003012.html" TARGET=_blank>Bible Verse = Forgiveness</A>…..ZZZ4991…..5/4/2001<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/006615.html" TARGET=_blank>How to rebuild my spouse's trust?</A>…..redman…..8/23/1999<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000274.html" TARGET=_blank>Things my husband did to rebuild trust</A>…..HGBrawner…..3/17/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002831.html" TARGET=_blank>on knowing the "truth" </A>…..loveWASblind=lWb/popeye…..5/9/2000<P>Hang tough with a Plan A!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>