I need some advice and help with my 23 year old son. He has become involved in a relationship with a 31 year old woman who he deeply cares about. He is a committed Christian and a youth leader at church. She is only involved in attending church with him. She has a history of anorexia and bankruptcy as well as family problems especially with her father. I feel that my son's walk with the Lord has gone downhill since he began seeing her but he feels he is supposed to bring her to Christ. They are getting really serious and I am worried. One of his pastors seems to be for the relationship, and the other feels he is in too deep too fast. I need some really good advice so that I can talk to him without becoming angry and frustrated. How do we as parents get him to look at this from a different point of view?.

Dear Parent,<p>I am in my mid 20's. I grew up in <br>a pentacostal home. I was considered<br>the "black sheep" of the family.<br>I have done some crazy things, a lot<br>of them I do not regret. I had have <br>my share of "dating" especially<br>older men. Let your son go. Do <br>not nag him that will only push him<br>away and do not "preach" to him.<br>He is in God hands. The only thing<br>you can do is pray for the right path,<br>which ever way that may be.

Dear Kauai: I'm only involved in my son's life because we happen to have a closely knit family. Apparently you are unaware that there are some Christian families out there who actually share in each others lives.

Dear Dutchman:In the King James version of my Bible it addresses that issue. Telling the man or woman how to handle these differences. The bible DOES NOT tell us to stop or try to prevent these marriages. If your son is a Christian he should be open to your advise of reading those verses. If you need help finding these verses please reply.

Dear Dutchman: Your response to Kauai shows your anger and frustration with the situation. The question was "why are you involved in telling him what to do?" Your answer: "Apparently you are unaware that there are some Christian families out there who actually share in each others lives." I'd like to point out that sharing in the lives of loved ones does not mean telling them what to do. My best advice would be to express your concerns to your son calmly and in a caring but impartial way. Keep communication lines open and listen to how he feels...and then gently remind him if his relationship with his ladyfriend is a lasting one, going slow is worth it. Positively speaking, it's good to hear she's willing to go to church with him. Perhaps her involvement will grow, along with their love for each other. :-)

Been there, done that! I can relate. I don't want you to misunderstand, but I have been in the same situation as your son and his girl friend. I can't stress this to you enough. If/When you have this discussion with your son, please include her! You may not want to, but this will show her and your son that you aren't trying to separate them, but to help them. You may learn things about her you didn't know. My husband of 2 glorious years now and I found our self in a boat sinking quickly when we first started dating. I had been in a serious relationship for 2 years with a "live-in" boyfriend. (This strongly goes against the belief of my family, my father a UMC minister.) My now husband and I met through one of his sisters, my friend. I was "in the process" of leaving the relationship I was in and his family (his father a Pentecostal minister) made the awkwardness of the new relationship a nightmare. Lots of gossip, lots of hateful comments towards me to their son, which turned him away from them. He completely turned his back on them. Remember, he is feeling the "newness" of a relationship and doesn't want to be bothered with "parental concern". To attempt to make a very long story some what short, my husbands family used every trick of the trade to turn their son away from me. The simple fact of the matter was they didn't KNOW me. We hadn't spent much time together. All they really knew was that I was in a "live-in" relationship in the past. They didn't want to know anymore. They didn't take the time. And for that, they almost completely lost their son (who was ironically, 23). Since our marriage both my husband and I have accepted Christ in our lives and placed him #1 in our marriage. But this was a hard road to go down as well. I viewed his family as people that "I wasn't going to be like." I wasn't going to go to their church, I wasn't going to worship with them, they were mean and I didn't want to know them any more than they wanted to know me! I was wrong. They were wrong. We all lost a lot of time! My husband and I have taught one and other so much about so many different things. I felt almost blinded spiritually and now I see my life as a Christian in a way that never REALLY knew was possible. He taught me that. I often wonder if it hadn't been for my husband would I have ever come to know Christ like I now know him and long to know him more and more and more! My husband was the only witness in my life that I would listen to. He brought my to Christ and for that, I am forever greatful!<br> Give this relationship with your son and his girl friend a chance. Please, please, please don't alienate her from your relationship with your son. Get to know HER. Take HER to lunch, learn what she is like NOW, not in the past. A lot of people make mistakes like she did, it's not the end of the world. Once we accept Christ into our lives he throws our sins into the sea of forgetfulness, who are we to remind her of her sin? She is God's child too! Don't try so hard to get rid of her, try to understand her, and get to know her. She just may be some one you are glad you got to know! <br>I hope this helps or at least gives you some insight on what SHE might be going through. I'll be praying for you, your son and his girl friend.<br>Take Care and GOD BLESS YOU!!<p>

Dear Dutchman:<br>Hunt1's response rang true to me in so many ways as did pieces of what others had posted earlier. I am from the Bahamas & be it inherint or not, family involvemnet is expected and recieved whether wanted or not. I know the value of having a caring family but, I too know the "burden" of having a family that is opinionated to the point of "blindness". If you have a good relationship with your son, you should by now be able to figure out what it takes to get him to at least "listen" to your points. Apart from that, it's up to God, him & the girl. Hunt1's point about "getting to know the girl" is very valid. It might seem as though it might be too involvedd & too inviting to encourage the relationship but at best, if you can find it in your heart to give him the opportunity to "bring her around" should he desire, you may see something in her that you never saw before. It's always easy to not like someone who you don't know very much about or interact with. That is the easiset way for predjudieces to form especially when a child or loved one is involved.. Over all, pray that God show you compassion & "true" discernment & that his will be done!...joyross@concentric.net