Hi friends,<P>Today its been a week. A week since that day I couldn't make it thru and was so worried about the talk, and you guys took time to help me thru it with all those replies back and forth. 50 of them I think.<P>Its been a week since I found out the horrible fear that had come true and you guys were all there for me again. Offering me advice, support and trying to get me to see it from every angle.<P>I don't know what I'd have done without each and every person who replied to me because that was truly a nightmare. Much worse even then the first discovery with my own H , if that makes sense, but it feels accurate to say.<P>I am very tired now. I am sleeping, restlessly, but so tired that I feel the need to sleep. Which is good because I am exhausted. I'm making an attempt to eat each day and have gained 1 pound back. That may not sound like much to you, but for me, after losing so much in such a short time, its a very big step. <P>I am taking this space and using it to write in my journal and keep re-reading what I wrote. Trying to figure out my true feelings, which seem to change each day.<P>I haven't seen him in a week. I last spoke to him Sunday night and he told me he'd talk to me in a few days. I'm glad, I needed time to think and not fear the phone ringing. He called me honey as we hung up and it was the strangest thing for me to remember and hold onto for the past few days. My guess is, it was just an old habit but it meant a lot to me.<P>Each day that goes by, I replay this whole thing in my head. I go over the facts. I compare what my mind tells me to what my heart feels and they are both all mixed up. <P>Thank you to everyone who continues to write to me on email, sending me letters and inspirational things. I know this is not the original betrayal from my marriage, and those who don't know me would wonder what all the fuss is about. But those who have been with me since the first day I got here in Dec of 99, can understand how scary it is to get the courage to date again and wind up in this kind of nightmare.<P>I just wanted to say how greatful I am to all my friends here. <P>Hugs and love, Dana<BR>

Dana, <P>I'm glad to see that you are trying to take care of yourself. Dear you need the sleep and you need to eat. 1 pound is a lot. I lost 47 and I really need to gain about 20 back. Haven't been here with ya that long but you sure have helped me a couple times and I'm proud to return the favor.<P>Hang in there.<P>Love, Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-

Dana,<P>I can honestly say that I am so proud of you. I know for a fact that I have determined in my head that our relationship will not survive another betrayal, so I DO know what you mean about finding the courage to date, to trust someone again, to admit you feel love, and then to have this happen. I can't imagine how you do it. <P>But I do know this. You are a wonderful person. You are loveable, lovely, funny, smart and a GREAT woman. You have so many outstanding qualities. And I have to tell you that I think your bf is basically a good guy too--who got goofed up, made a HORRIBLE choice, and now has messed up the best thing in his life. Don't give up, sweetie!<P>I know it has been several days since you heard from him, so take these days (and the one or two until he calls again), and work on you. Do what you need to do to make yourself feel a little better. I personally like cream soda and merry-go-rounds, because they are a little bit childish and make me feel FUN. Do something now that you enjoy--something that brings you joy--and start letting a little joy back in your heart. It's hard, I know!, to feel so hurt and awful and even consider the thought of feeling joy again, but try--okay? Walk barefoot on the beach or through long, new grass. Listen to some meaningful music. DANCE! Talk to friends and get hugs from people. The long and short of it is to take this time to rebuild YOU and heal your heart a little. Okay--the gaping wound will still be there, but stop the bleeding and start looking for a surgeon! <P>We love you, and one way or another, no matter what happens, we'll always be here with you and for you.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dana}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>CJ<P><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

(((((((((CJ)))))))))<P>Thank you I needed to hear something positive. <P>So much for space, I didn't expect to hear from him, but I did today, just briefly, but longer than all the other times and he sounded better than the last time. <P>When I answered the phone and heard that familiar "hey", I paused. I didn't even reply it was so weird, then I realized, it was real.<P>Been in a strange mood since we talked. Just a little more at peace that he was at least "ok". <P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

Dana - Ditto - what Faithful Wife said. Please take care of yourself. It's so hard to be hurt again, after what you have been through. I still have not been able to even contemplate dating yet, and I have been divorced for two years now. You have more guts than me, girl! I consider myself to be a strong person, but I am still not ready to go there yet. You will recover from this, no matter what the outcome. You are strong - I have seen it in your posts. You have a giving and loving nature, and you have done nothing wrong but take a chance on finding happiness again. I keep you in my prayers, as I do all those who have been betrayed and hurt by those that they (we) have loved the most.<P>P.S. - By the way - are you contemplating coming to Va. Beach for the get-together week? It would be so awesome to meet you....

LadyM<P>Thank you for the reply. I am not even sure when virginia beach is, but I probably can't afford it. My ex is a nightmare when it comes to helping me with my kids. I am still upset about missing the Nashville trip. I should have tried harder to get to that one.<P>I'm doing a little better today, just feeling terribly numb.<BR>Hugs , Dana

Hey Dana:<P>I've been away for a while. But, wanted to just say Hi! I know you are going through a very tough time right now. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.<P>Hugs,<BR>Jen

Hi Dana,<P>I got called away and couldn't respond like I said I would. I'm sorry about that. You were in my thoughts all week - I wondered and worried how you were.<P>I'm glad to read you're doing a 'little' better, that's great.<P>I'm glad the channels of communication are still open betw. you and bf too. Communication is so important.<P>Keep taking care of you, you really do need to you know. But we're not telling you anything you don't already know!!<P>I'll keep you in my prayers, and keep sending that nightly hug. I'm not sure if I ever told anyone here, but I always send a hug to everyone here at the end of my prayers which I say every night. They're very simple, just thanking God for my family and my friends, and our health. And then I just picture a globe with my arms around it, with everyone I care about within my arms. You guys always feature. Corny huh?????<P>Have a nice weekend, and know that we're all thinking of you and going through this with you.<P>love and hugs<P>Jo

(((((((((jo)))))))) your such a sweetie. I used to burn a candle each night. It was a LONG time ago. Someone started it last year. When I'm stressed I no longer burn candles because I almost had a fire for falling asleep when one was on.<P>(((((((jen))))))) saw your last post too. It just doesn't get any easier does it? Ex's will continue to confuse us forever, and I certainly haven't come too much farther in understanding men either! But I'm getting there.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>