Well, H dropped of kids tonight at 9:15 pm all dirty with dirt from dirt. Why couldn't he bathe them before he brought them home. <P>Anyway, he told me about a bday party he was having for my 2 youngest at "his place" and his whole family is invited. I too was invited. LOL [censored]. I said no I am not coming. <P>The best part was of course talking about money and divorce. Are we going to talk or let the lawyers handle this. This is in front of the kids. Anyway he said his lawyer advised him to turn off the gas and electric and phone if I wouldn't put them in my name since he no longer lives here. I said "go ahead". I basically kicked him out and he walked away that the lawyers were going to get all the money and I should be doing what is best for the kids. Ultimately, this will hurt them (me using a lawyer for a divorce)<P>I laughed and cried at his most insane statements. I have his 3 small kids in the house with me. What the F***. This is beyong fog. This is down right mean and horrible. He is n't doing anything "for his kids" that an honorable man would be doing. He is just trying to get me. I see my lawyer and if she doens't help me then I will need a nother one fast.. I can't be playing games anymore. He is a sicko. And if his family goes to this party, I am pretty much done with them. The party is at OW #2 house. Am I the only sane one around here or am I the INSANE one. This is all like a nightmare and it continues to get worse.<P>I don't know if I love him anymore. Maybe a little well, at least who he used to be. I hate him for what he is doing and how he turns it all on me. as he says, this is how I am controlling him.<P>Oh someone please come and replace me for a while, I need a vacation from reality. I need some fantasy land.<P>Hopelessmom<BR>

Dear Hope, <P>The rides in fantasy land end up like the ones in Pinocchio. All the riders turn to JA's. You don't want to go there. <P>He is being mean and nasty to you. Now he is beginning to look like one of those JA's. In the story, that was when Pinocchio and his friends started to turn around. They needed to hit bottom, totally degrade themselves and turn into JA's. Then after they really saw themselves and repented they were able to turn back to the little boys they originally were. Now in Pinicchio's case he got an upgrade from a puppet to a little boy. <P>Will your H need to be upgraded? Maybe. Remember you are not the one who is the JA. You are better than that. I remember last month when H almost has us evicted. It took him seeing that if things did not change, his family was going to be evicted. RE: I could not continue to pay for the families bills, his insurances, his credit cards, his portion of the taxes and still survive. <P>Yep reality needed to hit him in the face. Sounds like that is what your H needs. It is hard to watch them get to that level and even harder when our families are put at risk. Talk with your lawyer. I remember someone posting when I first started here that when the laywer was talking big about taking away the staples from the W (BS), the BS said, ok are you going to pay the difference? Shut that laywer up. <P>Don't have all the answers for you right now. If you feel like venting put out a distress call to the 'new super hero' the LB Fairie. I understand she lurks around here and will take your LB requests and report back to you. Might not solve all you problems but make it a bit easier to cope with. How about a 'calgone' bath? Take me away!!!!<P>L.

Calgon take me away!!!!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I basically kicked him out and he walked away that the lawyers were going to get all the money and I should be doing what is best for the kids. Ultimately, this will hurt them (me using a lawyer for a divorce)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Like him taking up with some s**t and leaving his children was the best he could do for them. That didn't hurt them at all. Like having them do their homework in the dark and you cooking over a campstove is in the best interest of the children.<P>What an idiot.<BR>

hopelessmom,<P>I think your STBX and mine were related in another life . He is being an arrogant a**hole. He is thinking only of himself, and the kids happen to be meaningless at this point. It saddens me that people do this to their kids. I could never, nor would I ever turn my back on my kids, or use them as pawns in some dispicable little game. My STBX is now using the 8 yo against me, because he is the only thing she can control. Unfortunately, he is the one that will get hurt the most through the whole thing. It is so sad.<P>Hang in there. Keep your head up. You are doing what needs to be done for yourself, and your kids. Be proud of the fact that you want what is best for those children. At least they still have one stable person in their lives. You will be the one that comes out on top in the end. I can guarentee it. <P>And as for loving who he used to be, you probably will always care about that person. I know that I will always care about the person I married, but I despise the person she has become.<P>Griz<p>[This message has been edited by Griz (edited May 09, 2001).]

Hi Hopelessmom:<P>(((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))<P>I disagree with Orchid. JA is too kind.<P>Just keep documenting away....he's going to look pretty bad in court won't he??<P>You should put the utilities in your name - and password protect them so that he or his OW can not mess with you.<P>Putting them in your name doesn't relieve him of the responsiblity to his family to support you - but it may give you some peace of mind!<BR><P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

My ex told me I didn't need a lawyer, her lawyer would handle everything, I told her that was the problem it was her lawyer lol. It is expensive to divorce, the more you can agree on the better off you are. remember and divorce is only a finacial exercise in the law. Keep your emotions and your finaces separate, look at the divorce like a bussiness deal and get the best deal for yourself. trust me, do not give in out of guilt or thinking he will come back, protect yourself and your kids. look up divorce support there are alot of good articles on the net how to protect yourself. My ex almost wiped us out trying to get me. they have no idea the pain and harm they are causing there families.<P>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hopelessmom}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Your resignation from adulthood is hereby accepted. You are now 8 years old, so act like it. Play in the mud. Ride a skooter. Drink koolaide and get a moustache. Whine and moan when something's not fair. Sit on the floor and have a temper tantrum. All of that is allowed today. <P>Now, tomorrow you will be a grownup again, so take advantage of this day. For one day, get off the rollercoaster and go play!<P><BR>CJ<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Hey BRose,<P>You don't like the initials JA? It could stand for 'Junior Achiever' or the other...... I thought this was a family forum. I don't want to get kicked off for bad behavior. ha ha....<P>Changing utilities in this area required that the one whose name is on the bill, contact each utility company themselves. Some ask for your SS# and I don't know what else. So I had to have H's cooperation with that. The customer service people understood my need but their policy was not user friendly. Even my landlord was willing to change the lease (for a price), I needed to come up with about $1300.00 in addition to the rent to offset the revised 1st and last month rent since he raised the rent on us about 18 months ago. Oh yea, like I have extra money lying around. Rental agreement is still in H's name. Going to leave it that way for now. <P>Question, what is he doing to put things back in your name? Actually, what is he doing at all to work towards his 'freedom' other than the pick on you and physical stuff with OW. The reason why I ask this question is that my H found out that doing the D and calling utility companies for him was actually harder than leaving OW. Hm...... So that means.......<P>Another tactic to think about. Can't say it will work all the time, but there was a lot of talk that came down to hot air. Whoosh!<P>It is in the 80's here on the west coast. How is the weather there? If it is nice, playing outside in the mud might be kind of fun!!!! A little gardening... good stress reliever.<P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>