Well, I guess mother hood is not an honorable profession. My atty told me I should start looking for a job since I have a degree and a license. I am pretty marketable. SAHM is , oh well.<P>We are going to proceed with going to court and asking for temporary monies. His atty , in his letter, told my H to turn off the utilities and phone. and for me to go get a job.<P>H just picked up kids. D said i got new underwear. H said, let me know about those things and Ia'll split it with you. He doesn't know about the credit card yet. All the others he cancelled. I used my babysitting money to get the underwear. I am keeping track of every penny I spend. Atty told me to let him turn off utilities. Then, let's see what the judge has to say. I said, I am not going back to work until a judge tells me that I must! Atty also warned me that H may try to attack me because of my depression (postpartum and now Life of BS). I wouldn't put it past H. He still wants to talk and settle things. Now he wants to come get his tools out of house.. The tools are assest and valuable. I told him I am not sure when. he says, I am being nice, I need those tools. I can't tell him that I'm not sure. <P>I also had to go to insurance com today because our agent retired, H sent his policies to one agent and my car to another. He hasn't paid on those and they are cancelled as of tomorrow. So, I paid. All this with $ my mom loaned me.<BR>I guess he would have really like it if I had no insurance, got into a really bad accident with 3 kids in the car. Tell me he cares anything about his kids. <P>I HATE HIM. Actually, at this point he disgusts me. Unless he groveled back to me, I don't want him. I keep looking at that backwards mirror and am seeing alll the things I don't like about him that I used to over look. He is NOT THE MAN that he said he was/is. <P>If his family goes to this Bday party at her house, I am pretty much done with them. I will have no respect for them. I don't care if he is their brother. He is still married to ME!<P>My life sucks. I want to say that but a teeny part of me is looking forward to life without him. I am giving all this to God because I can not bear this alone. I know he hates divorce and so do I but there has got to be some reason why this is all happening.<P>Hopelessmom

Oh honey I'm right here with ya on the financial end. I HAVE NONE. Every single bill that have is now LATE. This really sucks. My stbxw is doing everything in her best interest and not even willing to see how it is affecting the kids.<P>I'll pray for us both.<P>(((((((((((HOPELESSMOM))))))))))))))<P>Love, Bill

I think you should look for another attorney. Daycare for three preschoolers would cost, in my state, over $100 a day. One of my co-workers spent $18,000 a year on daycare, for one preschooler and one in school. Unless you are a doctor or a CEO, few people earn enough as a single parent to justify working when you have that many little kids.

Hi Hopelessmom:<P>Have you filed motions for temporary support??<P>I hope you are talking with YOUR atty to make sure this gets pushed through ASAP!!<P>Document, document, document!! He owes you child support at the very least!!! <P>And you are right, you don't have to do anything just because his atty says to. I forgot, what state are you in, if you don't mind saying?<P>(((hugs)))<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Turn off the utilities!?!?! Good Heavens, where are you at that an attorney would advise him to do such a thing?!<P>We've got temporary orders that says that he can't interfere with the utilities....and vice versa.<P>Who's name is on the utilities?<BR>Why don't you have temporary orders yet?<P>It seems to me that you could get a restraining order to prevent him from messing with the utilities, the house, and it's contents.<P>It sounds to me like he's got a really mean attorney, and that your's may not be putting everything into it that they should.<P>just my opinion....<BR>~Amy

Hope,<P>I can totally relate. I have a couple of degrees that are useless to me since I was diagnosed with a psychiatric/medical disorder. I am stable on medication and therapy, but I need a new line of work more commisurate with my needs and abilities. And, I have been working on one, training myself at home. I made almost 5 figures last year, which I thought was pretty good. Nothing pleases my husband who insists I work at 7-11 or K-mart. Well, I quit asking for money 3 months after our separation, toughing it out the past 7 months on small paychecks, credit cards, and liquidating some of my retirement. I AM TRYING HERE TO BE SUCCESSFUL, AND I NEED A LITTLE HELP, DAMMIT! Doesn't 14 years mean anything? I mean, the cheapskate is the one hell-bent on the divorce, and I had to file TODAY because he hadn't. All I can say is, hang in there, do the best you can, and be able to show the judge how much you are trying.<P>Nell

Dear Hope,<P>Yea for excel spreadsheets. Keep everything on file. Document monies recieved from who and when, bills paid how much and when. Notes on late notices and comments by the month. You can keep a log. The judge might not want to read it but will at least give you credit for good recordkeeping and that may score a few points with the judge. <P>It did during my informal mediation meeting (during the laundry bag week). I even had a letter written up for H to sign indicating he understood the terms. Hm..... H walked out on that but the stage was set. Now everyone that needed to know knew where H & I individually stood. Even though they knew I was trying, this took the cake. <P>Turn off the utilities..... is he willing to pay for restarting them? You know I have made comments to various companies (utilities, credit card, etc.) about being separated and you'd be surprise how much they can bend over backwards to help. Yes, these companies have their policies but sometimes, there are things they can do. I even was able to give MB.com's address to a few of them. <P>Is there such a thing as a referral fee?!?!?!?! What about $25.00 off each referral towards a counseling session?<P>You know, I think we can come up with something here if we all brainstorm together. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

okay...one thing..if you can get another atty..then do it..<BR>I know I called around and the ones I talked to were great..<BR>they told me what I was intitled to..(10 years...HALF his SS), was he agreeable that you stayed home? then you could also get alimony..and yes..child support..and if you have<BR>a medical condition that prevents you from doing the job in which you are trained to do..you could possibly get money<BR>for school to get a new job..it would be in your best interest to call around to different atty's and see which ones will possibly give a phone consulation...the one I talked to also said that he could it where my stbxh would pay all legal fee's..both his atty and mine..and could also get half his retirement..so it's worth calling around..

Hopeless,<P>What do you have a license for? Is it something you could use to start a business from home?<P>You mentioned babysitting money. Do you provide day care?<P>Have you considered doing daycare from your home? The state usually has a program that supplements for food when you are a licensed daycare provider. Not very much but you might want to look into it.<P>Hoping