Well from my other thread you know what he threatened. Well, last night he came back without the kids to get "his tools and stuff" out of the garage. He brought a mutual friend with a truck and trailer. Took his tools, tore apart the garage, tore the compressor off the wall, took the tractor and some other stuff. Told me that this was my fault. I was making this difficult and nasty. I told him he disgusted me , take your F88888 tools and get out of my life.<P>I then went a took picutres of what he was doing and screamed some other things at him. Told me I wasn't acting like an adult. Well, I guess I wasn't. Also told me AGAIN, that I told him to leave. I told him that many times so he is doing what I asked. I said you're right and then I screamed for the whole neighbor hood to hear "I aske you to leave because you are sleeping with another woman". His response was how do you know I am sleeping with her?<P>I finally went in house and was shaking and upset , thinking my life is falling apart all around me and i can do nothing to stop it. I was even thinking about Sui (i won't finish the word) but I shook that off and called some friends from the church. They invited me to come over with the kids to spend the night. I had to wait for him to bring kids home and that is what I did.<P>Before he brought the kids home he called and said that all this was not going the way he planned. This is not what he wants to be doing. He doesn't want to do what his atty has been telling him to do. He said he was afraid that I would slap him with a restraining order to stay out of his house. and that He KNOWS that what he is doing is NOT in the best interest of the kids. That he feels horrible about what he did and when he left he atarted crying in the truck as they drove away. I had nothing to say to him. I said, please bring the kids home.<P>He did and we left. He doesn't know that. My friends also suggested that I contact the battered woman org for emotional abuse. I can't believe this is my life right now. <P>At my friends house, my son, who turns 3 in a few days, told them that he has 2 mommies. Friend explained to son that no he has only one mommmy and the other woman is a friend. My poor kids. What A horrible man I am married to. I told him that I was done with him that he just totally disgusted me.<P>Part of me still loves him. Now I really think that I am insane.<P>Kids are calling, got to go.<P>hopelessmom<BR>

Hopelessmom<BR>I'm so sorry for the situation that you had to put up with, I know it well. Me and my stbx fought like cats and dogs for the few months from D-day till we separated. And some of it was pretty ugly, nothing physical. Lots of verbal nastiness on each side.<BR>Just call friends and family and vent to them or come on here and vent to all of us. We are here for you.<BR>And No you are not insane.<BR>The person you still love is not your husband, but what your husband use to be to you. and remember you can love a person just not their actions.<BR> GOD BLESS YOU, and please take care of yourself.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

(((((((((((hopelessmom)))))))))<P>I'm so sorry to hear how things are going. Please take care of yourself. You have to for the kids. They really need you.<P>Have you noticed that everything that your h does is someone else's fault. <P>Remember there are a lot of people here that love you and value you.<P>Love, Bill

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hopelessmom:<BR><B>Well, last night he came back without the kids... He brought a mutual friend...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>He's trying to manipulate you by using the children?! Placing the children in the conflict? <BR>Not good.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I then went a took picutres of what he was doing and screamed some other things at him. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>HM - It's good that you took pictures of what he was doing and the damage that he caused. I know it's difficult, but you are going to have to control yourself when these things happen. All of this yelling and stuff took place in front of the children. That's not good.<P>Bowl him over with sweetness. But don't give up your rights.<P>Here's a book that might help:<BR>The newly divorced book of protocol : how to be civil when you hate their guts / by Gloria Lintermans. New York : Barricade Books, c1995.<P>(An afterthought here -- I don't know his profession, but if he needs his tools for his livelihood, then he was probably entitled to take them.)<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Before he brought the kids home he called and said that all this was not going the way he planned. This is not what he wants to be doing. He doesn't want to do what his atty has been telling him to do. He said he was afraid that I would slap him with a restraining order to stay out of his house. and that He KNOWS that what he is doing is NOT in the best interest of the kids.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Document!!! <P>If he doesn't like what his attny. is advising him to do, then he needs to change attorneys. <P>You need to talk to your attorney about getting something in place today! to protect you, the kids, and the property. <P>Whatever you ask the courts to do to him, they'll also make it apply to you. So don't ask him to do something that you aren't equally willing to do in return (i.e. if you want him to leave the property in the house alone, then you have to leave what he has alone too). There can also be things about not treating each other in a degrading manner --- which would mean that you can't yell at him or say negative things to him.....but he can't do the same to you either.<P>I really do think that you need to get some sort of Order in place to stabilize the situation. It sounds way too volitile.<P>~Amy<P>

hopelessmom, you <I>need</I> that restraining order your husband was afraid you'd get. You need a restraining order to prevent him from turning off the utilities. You need those restraining orders (and probably others too) <I>yesterday</I>.<P>It was very smart of you to take pictures of what he did. When it comes to a divorce, it really doesn't matter so much <I>who</I> has the marital property. What matters is that you have a record of it.<P>Your husband knows that he is acting <I>against</I> the best interests of your children. Let him blame you all he wants: it won't change the facts. Don't apologize for demanding legal intervention rather than refusing to negotiate with him directly. Your husband has effectively <I>told</I> you that you can't trust him, and he has demonstrated it as well. That's <I>his</I> doing, not yours.<P>Sure, things aren't going according to <I>his</I> plan. His plan is to do whatever he wants and let you pay all the consequences. That's the plan of a <I>spoiled child</I>.<P>I have an old friend whose wife left him about the same time mine left me. They have four kids. <I>Her</I> plan was to get full custody of the kids and $5000/month support. Due to her irresponsible behavior, she <I>got</I> nothing.<BR>

Dittos to Gnome. You <B>need</B> a restraining order, and temporary support orders.<P>I am glad you were smart about taking care of yourself while feeling suicidal. But that is all the more reason to recognize that you can't cope mentally when he is present.<P>Please help yourself, get those orders!!!<P>(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))<P>email me at bramblerose_mb@yahoo.com and I'll send you my phone number - you can always call me if you need someone to talk to!!!<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Dear Hope,<P>When H took his tools, similar things happened. That was when his mother came over to show her support, H was moving his things. He was angry. His mother very calmly yet firmly, told her son she loved him along with loving his wife & son. She would not approve of his conduct but offered him a place to stay if he needed it. <P>H thinks he is too good to live with his mom, so declined her offer. Get this, he preferred to live in his truck than with his mother. Hmmph....<P>Yes, H cried that cry also. I used that opportunity to stimulate some gray cells but pretty much remained aloof. Not stuck up just not showing any real emotion. <P>Guess what? Well, since H shared a lot with OW. This made OW give the comment that I was being 'cool & business like' so H really needed to watch out for me. Good idea..... Hm.... more gray cells. Eventually you know the rest. <P>I think for the WS crying is good. Fake crying you will notice so maybe this is a good sign. <P>Take care,<BR>L.<BR>

HopelessMom,<P>Will be thinking about you this weekend. Happy Mothers Day. You'll be in my prayers.<P>Love, Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-