<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>"Spending hours and hours trying to figure out how we got so messed up is ultimately not as powerful as surrendering our character defects to God and asking Him to take them away. In the silence of meditation, God's spirit has a chance to enter us, to do a sort of psychic surgery upon us, to rewire our souls at the deepest levels." <P><I>- Marianne Williamson </I><BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>

I love this, <B>BR</B>.<P>I've spent hours and hours writing, reading, and hanging out here trying to find out what I did wrong, and helping others not to make the same mistakes I did.<P>Ultimately, I need to give it all to God... so simple, yet so difficult at times. Why? I guess I'm pretty strong-willed and want to "do it myself"... haven't done very well at the do-it-yourself version. Perhaps it's time to just hand it over, eh?

There is truth to that statement. But remember that we were made in God's image as free moral agents with the ability to make our own decisions (& live with its consquences). The things beyond our control or what we can not handle should be what we turn over to God. <P>Kind of like children. We want our children to be self sufficient but if they get over their heads, parents are often there to lend a hand. <P>Just my take,<BR>L.

I love the 7th step <P>Bill

well <B>William</B>...you know what I love about 12-step programs?We all speak the same language!! I love being able to say something, and having complete strangers know exactly what I am talking about. Only my problem is that I'm stuck on that bloody 7th step because my sponsor is making me put myself at the top of the 8th one. I haven't gotten there yet! <P><B>Orchid</B> - and I have learned that I don't have control over my own character defects. Funny how that works! So yes, I have to turn it over to God, because I'm not doing such a hot job on my own!! <P><B>Sheryl</B> - I find the term "self-help" to be pretty ironic. It wasn't until I learned that the only help I could offer myself was to ask from others and God, that I began to get better. As long as I was in Do It Yourself mode....I floundered, stagnated and even slide down into a pretty black abyss of depression.<P>Remember my "Just HI" post the other night? I was having a crappy day and didn't have the humility to just ask for help. So I suffered all day, and then finally, sorta, in a wimpy kinda way, let out a little squeak for help from others. And you know what? I felt better just dragging myself out of my own head and trying to make a connection with other people. <P>Wanna know the secret that I discovered? It's what we in Al-Anon, or AA, or whatever 12-step program you prefer, call the 3 A's. Awareness of the problem. You and I both got that in heaps right? Then there is Acceptance of the reality. I don't know about you, but I tend to reject my reality of who I am and insist upon being who I want to be. And so I jump right into Action, before experiencing Acceptance. And that's where my self-will destroys me everytime. I decide who I should be, and then do everything I can think of to make myself into that person. Not only do I not succeed...but I'm miserable. <P>Once I learned (Oh geez, it just occured to me as I type that I needed this realization to be able to work an 8th and 9th step - funny how "spiritual awakenings" happen!!) that:<P>I am who-I-am, and became comfortable and accepting of the fact that who-I-am includes various virtues and faults and idiosyncracies. I had to learn that I could and would be forgiven, if I learned to forgive myself (pat me on the head folks, now my sponsor is gonna make me do #8 - <sigh> ) for making mistakes. And then when I simply did the Action of doing what was mine to do every moment, and leaving the rest alone....suddenly my character defects that I was struggling so hard with before....were no longer an issue.<P>It was a sudden thing - to wake up and suddenly feel different. And to call my sponsor and tell her about my spiritual awakening, and after months of her beating on me and my stubborn self-will, to hear her sigh with exhaustion and relief and to say: YOU GOT IT!!!<P>I had to be aware of my problem, accept that I had the problem, and then took the action of asking God for the willingness to do differently....and took the action of setting one foot in front of the other, and not worrying about extraneous stuff...<P>And God did the rest of the work.<P>As long as I was in DIY mode, I struggled and suffered.<P>OK, its 11pm, I drank 2 cups of coffee for some unknown reasons, I'm hyper, and I have no idea if what I just typed was coherent!! <P>And now I gotta go email my sponsor and tell her I just figured out what I just wrote.<P>Heehhee, Ok - no more caffeine for BR on a lonely Friday night!!!<P>((((hugs))))<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BrambleRose:<BR><B>I find the term "self-help" to be pretty ironic. It wasn't until I learned that the only help I could offer myself was to ask from others and God, that I began to get better. As long as I was in Do It Yourself mode....I floundered, stagnated and even slide down into a pretty black abyss of depression.<P>Remember my "Just HI" post the other night? I was having a crappy day and didn't have the humility to just ask for help. So I suffered all day, and then finally, sorta, in a wimpy kinda way, let out a little squeak for help from others. And you know what? I felt better just dragging myself out of my own head and trying to make a connection with other people. <P>Wanna know the secret that I discovered? It's what we in Al-Anon, or AA, or whatever 12-step program you prefer, call the 3 A's. Awareness of the problem. You and I both got that in heaps right? Then there is Acceptance of the reality. I don't know about you, but I tend to reject my reality of who I am and insist upon being who I want to be. And so I jump right into Action, before experiencing Acceptance. And that's where my self-will destroys me everytime. I decide who I should be, and then do everything I can think of to make myself into that person. Not only do I not succeed...but I'm miserable. <P>Once I learned (Oh geez, it just occured to me as I type that I needed this realization to be able to work an 8th and 9th step - funny how "spiritual awakenings" happen!!) that:<P>I am who-I-am, and became comfortable and accepting of the fact that who-I-am includes various virtues and faults and idiosyncracies. I had to learn that I could and would be forgiven, if I learned to forgive myself (pat me on the head folks, now my sponsor is gonna make me do #8 - <sigh> ) for making mistakes. And then when I simply did the Action of doing what was mine to do every moment, and leaving the rest alone....suddenly my character defects that I was struggling so hard with before....were no longer an issue.<P>It was a sudden thing - to wake up and suddenly feel different. And to call my sponsor and tell her about my spiritual awakening, and after months of her beating on me and my stubborn self-will, to hear her sigh with exhaustion and relief and to say: YOU GOT IT!!!<P>I had to be aware of my problem, accept that I had the problem, and then took the action of asking God for the willingness to do differently....and took the action of setting one foot in front of the other, and not worrying about extraneous stuff...<P>And God did the rest of the work.<P>As long as I was in DIY mode, I struggled and suffered.<P>OK, its 11pm, I drank 2 cups of coffee for some unknown reasons, I'm hyper, and I have no idea if what I just typed was coherent!! <P>And now I gotta go email my sponsor and tell her I just figured out what I just wrote.<P>Heehhee, Ok - no more caffeine for BR on a lonely Friday night!!!<P>((((hugs))))<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You make perfect sense... caffeine or not...and your words brought a lump to my throat as I realized you could have truly been giving me a message I needed to hear this morning.<P>I love the "I am-who-I-am" idea. It is so true! And while I am busily trying to "do it myself" I don't really know who I am anyway. God, how I have tried to look deeply and study, and research, and cry, and post here... but I find it hard to be "still" and LISTEN when God speaks.<P>I did the 12-Step program too (for overeating, although it could have been for any one of my addictions) and all I can remember now (off the top of my head) is that God is in control, and God is who we believe Him/her/it (although I believe it is Him in the Christian sense) to be. <P>Thank you <B>BR</B> for opening my eyes this morning. I feel blessed today. <P>(((((BR)))))<P>Sheryl<BR>

<B>Sheryl</B> ...I'm glad I could help someone...since I can't seem to help myself!!<P>Here's a refresher on the first 3 steps <P>Step 1. Admitted we were powerless over (insert person/thing/addiction) -- that our lives had become unmanageable.<P>Step 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.<P>Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. <P>(((((hugs)))))<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Bramble....<P>I'm stuck in an inventory!! Talk about yuck!! Writting on my defects is a ***ch...<P>I like what you said about the 3 A's....so true!!<P>So many paradoxes in recovery...<P>Surrender to win...<BR>To thy own self be true...<P>I could go on and on...<P>Love Ya,<P>Bill

<B>Bill</B> - I hemmed and hawed and postponed my first forth step for almost 2 years!!!<P>Now, while I can't say I enjoy doing them...I do find a 4th step to be very very helpful - I don't shirk at them anymore!!<P>When I get stuck writing about my defects...my sponsor makes me go back to writing about my postives!! It's a moral inventory! And that includes the good stuff along with the bad <P>My sponsor made me tape a penny to my monitor when I started my first 4th step. On the Lincoln side are the words: "In God We Trust" and under that "Liberty"<BR>

BR or Bill,<P>Could one of you guys type out the 12 steps? Would that be too much to ask?

The Twelve Steps as modified for Al-Anon from AA's 12 Steps.<P>Also online at: <A HREF="http://www.al-anon.org/12steps.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.al-anon.org/12steps.html</A> <P>1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that our lives had become unmanageable. <P>2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. <P>3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. <P>4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. <P>5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. <P>6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.<P>7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. <P>8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. <P>9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. <P>10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. <P>11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. <P>12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. <P> <P><BR>

Thank you -- I am printing them out! I guess I need to find a group around here... hmmm... time to get back to it, eh?

As you know I'm in NA....Substitue addiction for alcohol...<P>Kinda puts a broader perspective on it <P>Bill