I've been married for 32 years to the same man. I have never expected him to help around the house or do regular maintenance like fixing the toilets. He lives like a king. When he comes home from work he changes his clothes then plops in front of the T.V for the rest of the evening. I bring him his home-cooked dinner as he watches T.V. I've accepted it for many years because I had my five children to keep me busy. Now that they are all grown and living there own lives, my husband is telling me he does not love me nor wants me and he hasn't talked to me for over a month. I'm so confused. I don't know what else I can do for that man. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.<br>

rosi, i suspect your h may be having an affair or about to have one. after bearing 5 of his children and waiting on him hand and foot and being married to him for 32 years it's hard to see where there is anything left for you to do. except, you need to start making him aware of your needs. he'll not be accoustomed to this so you'll have to start gradually. you'll have to start ,imho, by impressing upon him the overall importance of the marriage. give short articles to him to read, when the time is right. my advice to him would be, it's so easy to take for granted the importance of a marriage, especially one of 32yrs.. one tends to forget and overlook all the little goodies someone does after they've been done for so many years. i remember when i was about to move out, from my w of 26yrs.. i was ok, she was ok. but, when i backed the truck into the driveway and lowered the tailgate, i became so sad i just couldn't start loading the truck. instead, i took the dog for a long walk and i cried and cried. i finally did load the truck but i was so sad. but thankfully for me, i'm now living again with my w. i finally had to stop the insanity. good luck and keep posting.

Frankie,<br>Thank you for you reply. I'm glad to hear that you are back with your wife. One of the biggest problems I have with my husband is initiative. He would rather sit on the couch munching on a bag of chips while I hang wallpaper and rearrange the furniture around him. I do not understand why he doesn't see how I obviously need his help. I try to keep everything to myself because I don't like to fight. If I do ask him nicely, he gets furious and tells me that I'm telling him what to do. He then proceeds with this bad attitude with heavy breathing and negativity that I regret asking him for help in the first place. This is for everything, not just with a little extra help around the house. He carries this attitude even if I ask him to go out to a movie or dinner. Why this attitude?

Rosi,<p>The key phrase here is "He doesnt love me or want me". You gave him the best years of your life and now he decides to tell you he doesnt want you or love you. I think he needs to get off his butt and get out of your life if he feels this way. But of course you still love him and so if you can save your marriage then try like heck to, and if you cant, then stop waiting on this lazy pig and make a new life for yourself. It gets old kicking a dead horse trying to make it go. If he feels anything for you at all, and he sees he may lose you, he may get off his can and show you how much.

At 64 years old I wish I had a choice of what to do. Makes me wonder how he can sit in front of the dumb T.V. day in and day out without doing anything or feeling guilty about it. Thank you for your post Jonquil - it felt good to laugh!<p>[This message has been edited by Rosi (edited 03-12-99).]

oh rosi thats a hard one<BR>either hes got so used living like a king he figures why change and why be nice cos hes going to keep getting it all laid on for him anyway<BR>or he feels he never really had to do anyhing before so he is totally unmotivated<BR>I really think you should get some professional help on this one<BR>sometimes they say do a 180 degree on them if nothing else works, ie DONT make his diner, clean up and see what happens<BR>though a better approach can be to start to get him motivated again by, if he does anything at all (take the rubbish out??) thank him, tell him how much it helps you, and dont fail to do it each time he actually does something<BR>positive reinforcement is an amazing thing<BR>have you read His needs Her needs by Dr Harley its brilliant<BR>also how long has it been since you did things together<BR>maybe try by doing something he likes first<BR>unfortunately you have been doing so much for so long you must be filled with resentment, so there are major problems there<BR>please think about seeing a professional<BR>and good luck!<p>[This message has been edited by jamacia (edited 03-12-99).]

Rosi~~~<P>With your kids gone ... this should be a wonderful time in your life for you and your husband to discover your love again and have a good time. Surely he does not expect you to go on waiting on him like a king while he tells you he doesnt love or want you anymore. And if you continue with him and his present attitude you are a much better woman than I. It's easy for me to say...leave him. that's a lot of years you have put in with him..but was it good time or prison time??? Only you can decide this. My prayers are with you. I'm glad I gave you a chuckle...