I need some help here...and I do not even know if I am ready...<BR>I have known this man for a long time...even when his wife and him were together. She left over 2 years ago and they have been divorced for 1 year now. She has an OM. My ex left last June 2000 (for the last time) and we have been divorced since Sept.<BR>I have been talking here and there to this guy. It was such a coincidence that we happen to join the same summer pool. We would occasionally sit together and talk. At a couple of basketball games (college) he would sit by me and I with him...more talk. I see him at school functions and we would talk more...He is a neighbor ( 3 blocks away also)<P>I do know that he wanted his X to come home for a long time. She is still with OM and she has now bought a condo (get this...3 buildings down from my X condo)<P>I think I ready to have a friend..someone to have dinner with here and there...<P>I am scared to death to ask him....Am I ready? Is he ready? Would he say no? Sometimes I think it is easier not to ask...better not to know...BUT I think I am ready to try...<BR>But how??????????? (Ok I was married for 20 years this dateing thing is scary)<P>Any advice???????<P>

It is ok if he says no, taking the risk is the important thing, you will never know where thing might go if you do not take risk in life, if he says no move on to someone else, perhaps start out simple with asking him if he would like to stop for coffee or something after the game or a drink, I know that I have been fearful of rejection myself only later to find out that there were woman who would have loved me to ask them out, I always hoped they would ask me that way I was sure not to be rejected. when a woman leaves a man for OM the are feelings of rejection and it is hard to risk being rejected over again. I know now that not everyone will want to go out with me not everyone will like me but there are those who will, there are those who are waiting for someone to reach out to them.<P>

Ask him out. Some of us are awfully shy. Being dumped makes us very hesitant about risking rejection.<P>Bur mostly we're just scared of girls <P>Go for it!.<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Like this...<P>"Hey, ____, want to go have some dinner?" <P>After he picks himself up back off the floor from the shock of having this gorgeous woman (that's you) ask him out, my guess is he'll smile and say "yes."<P>The real question is...what are you gonna wear? <P>Lisa<BR><P>------------------<BR>I am woman...hear me roar...okay - meow...okay - purr? Hey, I'm working on it.

Well...just ask him...maybe ask him out for coffee or something...or if at a ballgame...ask him if he'd like to<BR>go out for a bite to eat after the game..<P>I called an old friend from high school over christmas..<BR>and got his machine..it wasn't someone I dated in school..<BR>not even someone I was remotely attracted to..but we were<BR>friends..and I said hey..this is so and so..was just wondering if you'd like to go catch a movie sometime..<BR>(we'd been e-mailing for a couple months) and I was like..he's a friend..no sexual things involved..no emotional attachment there..other than friends..and he e-mailed me back..saying..sorry I missed your call but that sounds like<BR>a lot of fun..would you like to try for such and such a day..and we even went to dinner before the movie..then out for coffee afterwards..we talked and talked, didn't get in till 3 am ..it was wonderful..the most awkward part was at the end when he didn't know if he should kiss me good night or not..we just hugged..and I thought that was best..since we hadn't seen each other in like 20 years...LOL..<P>but..take the chance..and go out as friends..don't get nervous about what "could" happen..just look at it as going out with a friend..no strings attached..and if it doesn't work out romantically it's okay..at least you took that step..<P>

Is there anything else going on around town that you could casually invite him to? For example, where I live, the Lilac Festival is coming. People come from all over the world to see our Lilac's. I would think that if you run into him, casually say hey, did you hear about ______, would you like to check it out with me? This is nice because just dinner, right off the bat, if your not comfortable dating, used to be weird for me. I found that if we went to do something else first, it would lighten it up. Then if things went well, I'd suggest dinner (or he would) while we were out at the other function. Can you find something recreational in the area to do?<P>Dana aka lonelymom