Hi friends,<P>Only those who were following my terrible dilemma last week, will understand this post, but thank you again for all the support when I needed it most last week.<P>I'm sure the title of my thread is confusing, or at least would get some people to read that and say, "WHAT?".<P>So it's been 10 days since my second "d" day. What a walk thru memory lane. All the old ghosts from my divorce have also resurfaced.<P>But I needed space to see what I felt, he needed space. He has started calling me again, daily usually, but I don't come to expect it. We took one night that he came over, and literally just hugged for hours, and cried and I got a lot of appologies. His extreme honesty are what I have grown to trust him for. If that makes sense.<P>I don't know what will happen with us. I'm not sure what I want. Or what he wants. We went to dinner yesterday and it went very well. We are talking a little each day about the issues, yet maintaining our connection as friends and as a couple for now.<P>Like I said before, I'd stay beside him as a friend, but as we spend time together, I find that I still do love him very much. He is gaining closure he needed. The closure I wish he had before we met, but we can't always pick and choose those factors.<P>So at the moment, I'm just working on me. And helping him to understand all the knowledge I have already on affairs and divorce. I signed up for a divorce support group, 10 weeks, 12 people, who go thru the book "rebuilding when the relationship ends" by Dr Fisher. I read this book already, but I look forward to the class. This support group is very strict on NO DATING the members, so I am happy to join it. There is another support group in my area, that encourages members to date. That frightens me.<P>I signed up for an 8 week class at church too, called Discover the Faith. <P>I admitted the dilemma to my closest friends and am letting them help me. I am trying to eat but its a constant battle to keep it down. I am not making progress yet, but its been 3 days that I tried.<P>I guess I just want to say that a week ago, if you told me that I'd be feeling at peace right now, I'd have never believed it.<P>Not peace that I can live with, but enough peace to let me survive another week knowing that I've been betrayed again. Enough peace to know that I have to put myself first and start taking care of me, and enough peace that I can find strength to help bf sort this all out.<P>On top of it all, 2 more couples that I know, one quite close, one just thru friend of a friend, destroyed by affairs this past week. It sickens me. It angers me and I wonder what people are thinking when they cheat.<P>My goal is to take these classes and start to heal, and possibly take part time night classes in September. Quite possibly , for some sort of therapy. I was thinking of maybe marriage counselor for a year now. I have thought about it further, and its something I think I really might want to persue. But its a long term goal because I have to put my life together and get healthy first.<P>I don't know how long this relationship I'm in will last. Its almost 9 months now. We're going thru our first big ordeal. Whether we make it or not, I can't be the judge, even though my first hope is to make it, I do know that the very first place I got my support, was here and I'm thankful for it.<P>Thanks to everyone for the prayers, and emails, and I hope as I start to feel better, I can continue to give my support back to everyone as well.<P>Hugs and love, Dana<BR>

Hey Dana,<P>Well, things are certainly looking up from last week! <P>I know all is not well, but you needed that hugging/crying session with him to let out some pain... kinda like a pressure cooker, huh?<P>Take good care of yourself...<P>Much love, <P>Sheryl

Dana,<P><BR>I am so happy to here things are better than they were..<P>remember Isaiah 54..FIRST..and then the relationship with<BR>this bf..that way your not looking for him to meet ALL those needs that he can't possibly meet..because only God can meet those internal needs..and it takes pressure off the person your in the relationship with <P>And my prayers are with you...

Dana<P>I read this post and the very first one you had posted about anticipating the phone call. I have looked for what had happened, and I can't find it. Hate to be a ninny, but where is it? <P>

Hi friends,<P>Sheryl, Thank you for keeping with me on it. I saw him tonite just for a minute on his way home from work. I doubt this makes sense, but it was a very intimate moment, to just cry it out and hug like that. I never experienced anything like that, not even with my ex. I don't know what to think except that his honesty and sensitivity are helping me right now.<P>TR - I don't expect him to meet any of my needs right now, even though, he is. I am trying not to expect anything right now so there is less place to fall when my hopes don't work out. Plus, I still am not sure I can do this just yet.<P>GSD - Hi. The first post I did was about that phone call, it will be a long nite until... I wrote about it then I think my next post was.... The reality of betrayal finally hit me, and then I posted, its been a week since i found out. Those were the orders of my posts. There is more info on a bible question I posted too. I just posted all within a week, so they should be only a few pages away. <P>Right now, I feel very scared. Very sad. Even when I look at him tonite, I just can't believe this has happened. It's just unbelieveable. I really feel like its been a bad dream.<P>Writing in a journal has been a great help. I took it with me today to write when my kids had dentist and counseling, and I've written over 100 pages just since mid April. It is strange to go in and read what I wrote even a week ago. So painful. I know I'm still in pain, its just numb, but it will come back.<P>Hugs , Dana

I'm glad to see things sorting themselves out and that your expectations are in the right place.<P>Bill

Thanks Bill. I meant to title this, we're still together....for now...<P>I don't expect anything. I'm just here, existing, and whatever happens will happen. I still can't believe it happened, and I don't know that I've really even YET began to face it, but it will happen.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>