I wonder if I'm alone in this thinking. I want my marriage to work but I know I'm better off with out him. I want to be taken care of and enjoy my life, it makes me feel good that men are asking me out and it actually surprises me. I only want to go for the attention that I'm not getting from H. He says, after a long conversation and crying pity party on my part that he doesn't want to try he doesn't think he can nor does he think he can give me what I want. We've been seperated for 5 months now and I'm confused. I have to know if we can work it out and that I didn't give up without a fight. I'm so impatient. This lady at my job said that just because he said no doesn't mean he won't change his mind. I just don't see how us being apart is going to help him change his mind. I miss him, I miss us, I think I deserve a chance and I'm getting angry and sad. What can I do? How can our marriage work if I'm the only one who wants it to? How can I not let him let go and keep fighting for us. I'm getting so tired, I'm getting to the point where it just doesn't matter anymore, and then one thought or memory or nostalgic smell brings the pain back.<P>I'm not ready to end it.

<BR>I understand your feelings my sitiation is similar, I have had little contact, she is with OM, and I wonder how long, i wait and work on the marriage by myself, I feel at times she is not good for me and I need to just move on, there are so many good woman out there who seem to care for me. There is that part of me that just keeps saying be patient, the time will come. I quess the waiting is so I can grow and prepare myself, if the time comes when the fog does lift and they say it wil, so I can be there to help her and maybe recover from this.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Techdiva:<BR><B>I wonder if I'm alone in this thinking. I want my marriage to work but I know I'm better off with out him. I want to be taken care of and enjoy my life, it makes me feel good that men are asking me out and it actually surprises me. I only want to go for the attention that I'm not getting from H. He says, after a long conversation and crying pity party on my part that he doesn't want to try he doesn't think he can nor does he think he can give me what I want. We've been seperated for 5 months now and I'm confused. I have to know if we can work it out and that I didn't give up without a fight. I'm so impatient. This lady at my job said that just because he said no doesn't mean he won't change his mind. I just don't see how us being apart is going to help him change his mind. I miss him, I miss us, I think I deserve a chance and I'm getting angry and sad. What can I do? How can our marriage work if I'm the only one who wants it to? How can I not let him let go and keep fighting for us. I'm getting so tired, I'm getting to the point where it just doesn't matter anymore, and then one thought or memory or nostalgic smell brings the pain back.<P>I'm not ready to end it.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Plan A - do you know about it and are you working on developing this as your changed way of life?<P>Do you know what you H's emotional needs are? Do you know what your own needs are?<P>How about love busters...? Do you know what they are - the things that really BREAK any intimacy or open communication with your spouse?<P>These are two of the key elements in Plan A. If you don't know about this, please read on this website. Work on yourself and change your perspective on life.<P>Your H has free-will and may or may not choose to come back. You role in this is to create as user(H)-friendly environment where it wouldn't make sense NOT to come back to you as much as possible.<P>Patience... I know the struggle. But, there has got to be a release somewhere. You need to choose what you can do to take your mind of his inaction... go work out, join a book club or support group, do something for you. Impatience MAY be your lovebusting habit that makes your H crazy... he has his timetable, you have yours... how do you accept the differences between the two? That's what you need to work out.<P>Enjoy the flattery of the other guys, but don't come to depend upon them. That will distract you from becoming the woman you want to be that you H will notice. You may give up on your marriage before it's time... then you'll be living with the consequences of what you've sown here for a very long time.<P>Cheers and hang in there... remember though only you know when you should let go. But it will be a natural release and if you Plan A well, and he doesn't reciprocate, all your natural love needs will extinguish.<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

Techdiva-<P>You have my support on the "patience thing"...my patience runs out quickly as well and thinking about a 12-18mo separation drives me nuts. In spite of it, I'm beginning to see that patience may pay off. OvrCs makes a good point. <P>What you do in the meantime is work on yourself so that what you can change, becomes "life changing." Figure out your "contribution" and work to better it. Whatever you don't fix from your current relationship will haunt you in your next one.<P>If he sees changes in you perhaps he will look to his own faults and negative contributions.<P>DD

Patience I have a real hard time with this as well, but I do know that things happen in Gods time not my own. This week was a real lesson in patience and tolerance. First monday my personal counslero told me that her husband had accepted an over seas teaching assignement and would be leaving in two weeks so she could no longer see me. And we were in the middle of some really deep stuff. She did however give me five names I called three and did not feel comfortable with any, so I called my anger counselor he gave me one name, one of the two left, then I called our maritial counselor he gave me one name the same one. Called and left a message he returnd my call at 10:30 at night. I see hime tomoorow. Wed I was on my way to Baltimore for a job interview, mind you I live in Wilmington DE, about an hour drive, I was ten minutes out of Baltimore when the Guy I was interviewing with called and cancelld, so I called a couple that I know in AA and we went to a noon meeting. Friday the HR rep at work called and told me that my short term disability pay was going to be delayed apporx three weeks, that night at an AA meeting a guy ran into my van on his motorcycle, thank god no one was hurt, however it is about $1500 to my van. In all of these instances I did not get mad and react I acted, but one more thing I think I going to kill something LOL Hope this helps you<P>------------------<BR>If you are living in the problem then you are not part of the solution!<P>I CAN'T<BR>HE CAN<BR>I THINK I WILL LET HIM