Ok, it's Tuesday... One day better than Monday, so here is a joke... <P><BR>Princess Photographer <P>Snow White took photos of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. Then she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos.<P>The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.<P>Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry.<P>The clerk, trying to console her, said, "Don't worry, Miss White. Someday your prints will come."<P> <BR>B<BR>

TOUGHEST GOLF SHOT<P>A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"<P>The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."<P>"Forget it man, you'll never hit her from here!"<P> <BR>

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.<P>As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"<P>"What dear?" She asked gently.<P>"I think you bring me bad luck."<P>

GOING TO HAWAII<P>A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." <P>Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." <P>The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." <P>The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. <P>Take a little more time and think of another wish, one that would honor and glorify me." <P>The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy." <P>After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"<BR><p>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited May 15, 2001).]

The Radio Contest<P>A radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali. <P>DJ: "96 FM here, what's your name?" <P>Caller: "Hi, my name's Dave." <P>DJ: "Dave, what's your word?" <P>Caller: "Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced 'go-an'." <P>DJ: "You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?" <P>Caller: "Goan F**K yourself!" <P>The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until: <P>DJ: "96 FM, what's your name?" <P>Caller: "Hi, me name's Jeff." <P>DJ: "Jeff, what's your word?" <P>Caller: "Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'." <P>DJ: "You are correct, Jeff, 'smee' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?" <P>Caller: "Smee again! Goan F**K yourself!" <P><BR>

THE PHARMACY<P>A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.<P>The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.<P>The man said, "this is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"<P>The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."<P>When she returned, she said, "the best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000 a month in living expenses."<P>

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."<P>"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."<P>The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.<P>"What was that for?" he complained.<P>"Your dog called last night."<BR>

Beholder<P>An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with<BR>bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo.<P>Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a<BR>local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.<P>"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the<BR>line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his<BR>head.<P>His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was<BR>a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her<BR>finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!"<P>The boy looked up, "Really?"<P>"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why just name me one thing that's more<BR>beautiful than freckles."<P>The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's<BR>face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."<P>

Oh... this was just too good to pass up!!!! <P>A Curious Johnny<P>Little Johnny went up to his mother and asked, "Mom, where did all of my intelligence come from?"<P>Johnny's mother quickly replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your father, 'cause I still have mine."<P> <BR>