H dropped kids off last night. I gave him 'his mail" and he so kindly returned the water bill to me. Anyway, he said "why won't you work with me on this?" Are we going to have to go thru the lawyers? I said yes, yes yes. I told you my lawyer is handling it. He asked if I received his letter from his attorney which was absurd. Basically advised H to just pay mortgage, shut of gas and elec and phone and told me to get a job. (SAHM with 3,4,5 year old). I said yes I received it. "he said I didn't want to send it" I said well you did. I have nothing further to say to you.<P>But the truth is, I do have something to say to you. I want to say, for the last 1.5 years you have been acting like an absolute horrible man and it continues to worsen. Your behavior has been horrible to me. You have had an A in front on my face and everyone eles and denied it for a good 6 months. We don't even "try" to work on our marriage. Then you try to blame ME for you moving out. You state that you have only the best interests of the children at heart. Well, I don't agree with that at all. First off, the first affair, my children "loved" her and now she and her daughter are out of their lives. Okay, they are "over" it. Second, you move into another home and the"entire" family and have a new girlfriend, without even skipping a beat from OW#1, you have unilaterally decided to end our marriage and destroy my"life" and your kids life. You walked out the door and feel that your only obligation to me is to pay the mortgage. No $ for anything else. no food, water, gas elct, gas, car insurance. I have to borrow money from my mom to live. You want me to go get a job and put our kids in daycare, oh, I forgot, you want me to work at night, so you can watch the kids or your girlfriend or her mother can do it for free. Two days ago, after hearing my 5 year old explain to a neighbor girl that she has 2 moms now and that is because her dad got married again. Well, she doesn't have 2 moms and you are not married. The people you "live" with are not my kids "family". I had to explain this to them, however, I know that they don't understand what this all means. I shouldn't have to explain this. <P>If you feel so justified in leaving our marriage, you should have done the manly thing and moved into an apartment, rented a room or whatever. I see no where in the last 1.5 years where you have done anything that I see is in the best interests of your kids. You are a truly selfish, needy, immature "man" and part of me can not believe that I am actually married to you.<P>Why won't I "work" with you on this. I don't trust you, I am looking out for the best interests of my kids and I need a lawyer to help me do that. There are consequences for your behavior and this is one of them. I am not trying to hurt YOU, I feel that I am trying to protect myself and my kids, from YOU. That is the difference between me and you at this point in our life.<P>I was thinking about sending or giving him a portion of this thought and I was interested in comments. While I don't want to LB, at this point i really don't care. I am not writing this in anger or hate but what I feel is my truth and feelings; my boundaries now. <P>I was also going to send him SKM's response post to elad's thread on GCII board( her thoughts of her affair and recovery). I don't hate my h, I love him? or what he used to be or perhaps what I thought he was. But i no longer can be the one to try and "save" our marriage. I don't want to be married to "this man" any more. His morals, values and character , integrity are no longer in sync with what I want in a husband.<P>hopelessmom
