Hi friends,<P>I wanted to give a brief update of my situation because I haven't been returning emails as often or been on the board.<P>I have been going to church, reading the bible, spending lots of time with friends and trying to heal. I'm very sad and hurt, yet almost a weight has been lifted because my worst fear came true, now I feel like, ok , it's done. Get on with life.<P>Myself and BF are still together. The first few weeks, were very hard, confusing, and we both probably felt like breaking up. The talks have started. Communication is returning, and appologies have been given. Sincere appologies, one that I feel come from his heart. He was always the type to give me flowers, and tell me he loved me. When that stopped, I suspected why.<P>We both still do love each other, but we don't feel comfortable saying the words yet. We need time to sort this out. <P>But, he is calling me several times a day to let me know where he is or what he's doing. He's opening up to me far more than he did in the beginning of our relationship. He appologizes often. He is talking about his kids more and more.<P>And here is the biggest part. Last October he asked to take me on a trip, and I thought it was too soon to plan so far ahead. It was for the end of June. Well he asked me again, and he also will take his two sons, and wants me to join them. There are a lot of other people going so there will be plenty of time for us to do alone things, as well as me to get to know his boys again, because I was just starting to do this when he pulled them away.<P>I realize that this is the proof he wants to show me that he will NOT be getting together with his exW because he is very overprotective of his children. <P>It's a step. It's something positive for us to look forward to. <P>And this recovery, is every bit as painful as I remember it with my own exH 7 years ago. Even harder, because I am so much smarter now, and been thru so much more. <P>But I am thankful to just have this chance. I didn't want to just give up , and walk away. I didn't want to go rushing back, but I wanted a chance. One chance to see if we could reconnect and feel the way we did before. We have spent time together since all this and the feelings are all still there. Along with new feelings like pain and grief. <P>We have been thru a lot before this and this also is a hard thing, but if we get thru it, our relationship will have a strength it didn't have before.<P>I hope my friends will support me. But I understand for those who do not. Especially those who think I might have taken him from his exW and family. He had his chance to go back, he even tried it, and he chose against it, as well as all the issues and truths that came out. He is finding closure in that issue on his own. I was not the OW by any means, their relationship was over a year or more before I met him, and now he knows the painful truth why. <P>I don't know where I'll wind up. I don't even know where I want to be completely yet. But I do know that I am getting stronger every day. I'm learning so much here and even though I'm not posting a lot, because I'm in so much pain some days I can't think, I am copying a lot of great stuff down from the AA quotes to more MB stuff. <P>I also learned that this is the one place I can come, and be honest and feel safe. That is a huge blessing.<P>Hugs and love to all, Dana<BR>

Hey Dana:<P>It sounds like you have a good sense of where you need to be right now. Just follow your heart but protect it with what you've learned here as well.<P>I'll continue to keep you in my prayers,<P>Jen

((((((((((Dana)))))))))))<P>You have my respect and admiration! <P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

((((((Dana)))))<BR>Keep moving forward - it sounds as if you are doing all the right things - Good Luck and God Bless!!

You're doing good, Dana <P>(((((Dana)))))<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

((((((((Dana)))))))))))<P>We are here for you. <P>Take care.

Dana,<P>I hope that one day I'll meet someone who can really love me and be open with me.<P>You're very fortunate....I wish you well.<P>~Amy

((((((ladies)))))) thank you for the support. I am surprised that even my best girlfriends here in town are supportive. I thought after what ex did to me, they'd tell me to run. Some people do tell me to run, but I don't do that easily. <P>This is going to sound strange, but he is openning up to me MORE now than he did even in the beginning , and showing me all the respect and appologies that he can. I find myself actually beginning to trust him. This is scary! I don't want to trust him, I want to be afraid and keep my guard up. Which I'm doing, but it is work, not something that comes easily.<P>Amy,<P>I hope you find someone too. I hope every single person on this divorce board finds someone. I hope they find love, happiness and comfort because we all deserve it. I had it once, and as we are all human, and make mistakes, bf made a mistake, and also took a last chance, for which I respect him for, and can not be angry. I actually no longer wonder "what if" he wants to go back to his ex. He already tried it and it didn't, can't and won't work. That gives him closure, it brings him to a different place with me, and we have a LONG LONG way to go to ever get back to where we "were", but when we get there, I hope we'll be stonger and wiser from the trip.<P>Hugs and love, Dana<BR>

Hi Dana,<P>you have no idea how happy I am for you. I realise you still have so much to work out with him and work through with him, but it sounds as tho you have both arrived at a place where you CAN work through these things together. And that is so important.<P>I have never thought you were the OW in his situation. Like you said, it was over before you and he got together. The fact he gave his marriage one last try I respect him for that. Because at least now he can say that he did try, and it was not meant to be. And you gave him the freedom to do that. You didn't hold him back. Good on you.<P>Have a great weekend, and enjoy him again. Enjoy talking to him, being with him, and loving him.<P>Hugs to you friend<P>Jo