MY WIFE AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 6 YEARS AND HAVE THREE KIDS. SHE JUST TURNED OFF ONE DAY. SAID THAT SHE WASN'T HAPPY AND DIDN'T KNOW WHY. SHE LEFT IN JAN WITH THE KIDS. SHE WAS GONE FOR ONE WEEK AND TOLD ME SHE WANTED A DIVORCE. I TALKED TO HER ABOUT COUNCELING AND A MARRIAGE SEMINAR, BUT SHE SAID THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GO. SHE CLAIMED THAT OUR MARRIAGE WAS A FAILER. SHE COMES FROM A DIVORCED HOME AND SAID THAT SHE WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO HER KIDS. WELL, SHE DID. SHE FILED FOR DIVORCE IN FEB AND NOTHING SINCE HAS HAPPENED ON HER SIDE. SHE CAME TO ME IN THE FIRST WEEK IN MAY AND ASKED ME TO TAKE THE KIDS. SHE SAID THAT IT WAS ONLY TEMP, SO SHE COULD GET ON HER FEET. I ASKED IF THAT MEANT ALL THREE KIDS OR JUST TWO (OUR OLDEST DAUGHTER IS MY STEP DAUGHTER). SHE SAID JUST OUR TWO CHILDREN. SHE STATED THAT MY STEPDAUGHTER DIDN'T WANT TO GO WITH ME. I HAVE HAD THE KIDS SINCE AND HAVE FILED FOR CUSTODY. I REALLY WANT MY FAMILY BACK, BUT SHE ACTS LIKE I AM NOTHING TO HER. WHAT SOULD I DO?

I am sorry about your family. I know you must be hurting. It is vital that you read the material here, and get your plan 'A' going. You need to quit pursuing her, if you are doing that. Concentrate on making yourself a better person. Work on your relationship with the kids. Get up and get out there, and get going on with your life. The very best that you can do is to 'move on' and she will see that. (DO NOT, HOWEVER START DATING, OR EVEN CLOSE TO THAT.)<BR>I assume that the children you have are 6, or less...right? Are you sure that this is temporary? How old is the oldest? Is your wife going through a personal crisis, menopause, or something of that nature? Or is she just generally 'fed up'? It doesn't make much difference, but it helps if YOU know what you are dealing with? Is there someone in the wings? For either of you?<BR>You need to make her contact you, not the other way around. Make sure you end all conversations, and do not use the children as an excuse to call her. If you pursue, she will run away faster. Be careful about that. Study your situation...it is called 'WALK AWAY WIFE', or 'WALK AWAY SPOUSE' SYNDROME, and there are effective tools to handle it, but not the ones you are likely using...believe me, there are many of us out here...you are not alone. I am praying for you, and your family, friend...be strong, especially around the kids. Take care, and keep me posted, okay...My thread is 'New Beginnings' in Divorce/Divorcing. Gotta run. Peace.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited May 18, 2001).]

Indy,<P>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P><B><I>****One little note: When you type in all caps, it kinda looks like you're shouting! </B></I><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Thanks for the welcome. Sorry about the all caps thing. I am in the military and I am normally typing in all caps. <P>I just don't see how someone can live with someone for six years and have their children and do what she has done to me and our children. She has called and talked about new jobs and when she can pick up the children. It is strange that she is so nice to me when she wants something from me. I can't contact her because she won't give me a phone number to where she is staying. She calls me. I miss everything about her. I miss my family. I am just praying that she will come out of the fog and see that life with me and the kids can be a very good one.<BR>

I am sooooooo sorry for your pain! <P>Forgive me if I'm wrong here, but doesn't she legally have to tell you where she is? I guess I'm naive about such things.<P>Keep reading here... I know I gave you bunches of links, but here's another one that will help you: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>. You need to begin a pure Plan A when you see your wife. If you can, read about it and begin to ask questions about it. There is a section on the main forum about it... and lots of help on the "Just Found Out" section too...<P>Best wishes, and I know this is painfully difficult. Your W sounds like she is deep, deep in what we call the fog. <P>You are not alone!!<BR>

INDY,<P>Don't let her take your kids, if you don't know where she is taking them. You are going to have custody of them and are now raising them. This is a very very bad thing to do.<P>I will throw in my $0.02. I suspect that she is having an affair. People usually don't act this suddenly with no prior warning if it is just dissatisfaction. That is also probably why she won't tell you were she is living. <P>In this case, you don't want the kids around OM, if he does exist. In short, I would absolutely not allow her to take the children until you know where she lives and how to reach her.<P>This isn't about marriage building as you realize, this is about the children's safety.<P>God Bless,<P>JL<p>[This message has been edited by Just Learning (edited May 18, 2001).]

She takes the kids to her mom and dads when she has them. <P>The OM issue is totally true. They work together. It is kind of funny that she talked about a girl friend that she had there and the all of the sudden she talked only about the OM. Since she has left everywhere she goes he goes. Before I got my kids from her the OM saw them more than I did. It seems like she was trying to replace me with the OM. I even meat him one night. He is a fat man. That really hurt me. That they both acted like they were just friends. <P>The day before she gave me my kids I dropped off a letter to my stepdaughter. Her parents were gone thank god, so I put it in the mailbox. I always see their neighbor and they tell me about all the stuff that goes on over at their house. They are going to come to court and help me keep my kids. She doesn't know about them. <P>Back to my wife. She called yesterday about getting the kids. I asked her to take them tonight so they can spend more time with her, but she said that and I quote, "I have nowhere for them to sleep. I sleep on a couch, and honey I am not going to sleep at my parents house anymore." I couldn't believe that she called me honey. She told me that I lost that right. Go figure. She is going to pick them up from the office tomorrow. She complained when I didn't call to talk to the kids. What does she do, she has only called them twice in almost three weeks. I don't know how to bring it up without upsetting her. What would you do?<BR>

Hello is there anyone there?

We're in and out a LOT <P>About your wife: I am torn between lightly bringing up that the kids miss her and could she call more often to ignoring it... you cannot educate her right now -- I know it doesn't seem fair, but she really won't hear you as long as she's in the fog. It can be blinding!

Indy,<P>Hate that you are here...but...you are in the right place...<P>You will here loads of advice from all angles...<BR>Most know this MB stuff rather well....Some go with their gut reactions...<P>I firmly believe that anything and everything done from a gut reaction will not only backfire but cause even more pain...<P>You are in the military, so you know the need for an S-3(plans and training, right? my military vanacular is rusty). You my new friend, need a plan. This website is specificly designed for that...<P>First of, you stated you want your wife back. If so, you must realize that you had part in creating a situation in which your W wanted out . Figure out exactly what that was, own it, and make an honest attemp to change those things. Only you know what they are. Then start an imediate <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A </A>...<P>Purchase the following books...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>Surviving An Affair(SAA)</A> by Dr. Willard Harley <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> by Dr. Willard Harley<P>Learn these books as if you were trying to pass a certifacation exam on the material...<P>Start councelling....I recommend Steve Harley. He is the person responcible for this website and his Dad and sister wrote the aformentioned book...Go to the coucelling center link on the MB homepage. It is a bit spendy but he is an expert in this sort of operation....<P>Last but not least...Come here as often as you can, get to know us, ask questions, vent your butt off, you will need to get it out and the last person you need to vent on is your wife!<P>Those are my suggestions for a plan...All is not lost!<P>Take care and I hope to see you around,<P>Bill<P>------------------<P><BR>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.<p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited May 18, 2001).]

My wife is going to be here in 15 minutes to pick up the kids from the office. It will be hard not to grab her and hold her in my arms. I just hope that it all goes ok.

She showed up 35 minutes late. She was also in the OM's truck and wearing his shirt. I talked to her and said that she couldn't have the kids. Then I though about it and let them go with her. It is not fair to them to keep them from their mother. I asked her about the van. She said that it had been overheating for two weeks. She never takes care of her cars. I asked her where the van was she said,"it is none of your business." I am heart broken. The people at my office said that she doesn't even look like the same person. What do I do? I love my family and she told me that my stepdaughter's wereabouts are none of my business.<BR>Help me please.

Go to the EN board and see my thread titled Marriage Builders...<P>Anything specific you need help with, just ask....It helps us a lot..<P>Bill

She came to pick up the kids on saturday. We were at my office. She shows up 35 minutes late and the OM truck and the OM shirt. Is she doing this to get a reaction out of me? I don't know. I asked her why she was late and she said that there was an accident and that she couldn't get to a phone. When she had the kids I was not feeling well and called her to say that I would like to pick up the kids later in the day she said no. If you can't pick up your kids on time then you will not get them. I called my parents to come and get the kids. My dad slowed me down and told me to let her see the kids. It is not fair to them. He is right they have done nothing wrong. One of the guys that I work with that knows her said, "Is that your wife? She doesn't even look like the same person." I feel like my head is spinning. My children are a mess. She doesn't think this has hurt the children. She is so wrong. My stepdaughter was talking to my mother one day at a candle shop. My SD said that Mommy likes to burn candles, and my mother said that you have a good Mommy. My SD said she is not good enough to stay with my daddy. That broke my heart. She has destroyed her kids and me and she doesn't even care. Our court date is June 8th. I just hope the judge falls on my side.

Gang,<P> I know it has been awhile since I updated this, but here it goes. I have an appointment with my lawyer at 2:15 today. This is to draw up a structured seperation agreement. My state is kind of weird. Like I have said before she filed for D in Feb. Well, my state says that you have to wait 60 days before the D proceedings can move forward. The 60 day period ended the first week of april. She has not pushed the D for almost three weeks. What does that mean? Does it mean that she may not be so sure that this is the right thing? I just hope that the meeting today goes well pray for it. <P>Waiting_for-her<P> To answer some of the questions that you posted earlier. Our children are 7, 6, and 3. I talked to her cousin yesterday and she said that she doesn't care about anything not herself, the OM, me, or the kids. It sounds like she is comming unglued. She has also said that she was fed up. About what I don't know. I don't have anyone in the wings for me.<P> <P>

Indy, are your children still separated. I really do not want to separate my kids. How are they doing?<P>------------------<BR>Just me!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Muneca:<BR><B>Indy, are your children still separated. I really do not want to separate my kids. How are they doing?<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes the children are still seperated. My W's parents will not even let me talk to my stepdaughter. I have called and left messages for her telling her that I love her and that I miss her. They have never liked me, because I took their granddaughter to NC. The thing that my W doesn't realize is that our children are not asking about her like they were about me when she had the kids. I my son fells like I do a total piece of trash that has been thrown away. <P>

My situation is getting kind of weird. I have been posting in the PlanA/B Site for awhile. I just feel like venting some frustration about my situation.<P>If you have any questions about any thing recent go to the Plan A/B forum. <P>My wife is just killing me. She hasn't moved forward with the divorce and my PL court date is 28 June. My kids are so happy with me. They are not even asking about their mother. The visitation thing is covered in the other forum. I am trying to just go day to day, but it is hard when the kids talk about the things and friends that they use to have. I am trying really hard to work on being a good father right now. I just need everyone to pray for me and my children. I am just starting to feel like a worthless piece of trash, and that I know is not what I should feel like if I am trying to get my marriage back on track.<P>Indy<P><p>[This message has been edited by INDY_357 (edited June 07, 2001).]

I just found out why my attorney hasn't heard anything about the PL custody issue. He finally got a letter from her attorney. It stated that my WS wanted to make this easy and not take it to court. Also states that there are several inconsistencies in my motion for the children. Also, about how she could have filed for child support and didn't. <P> I tried to help her it just wasn't the way that she wanted. I offered to fix the van and buy the kids clothes if she provided the reciept for the van repairs and a list of clothes for the kids. Did she do that NO. She just wanted a check. I would not support her new life and that must have really bothered her. Also about how I have made it difficult for her to see the kids. What a joke. For info see the Plan A/B forum.<P>Indy