I divorced my husband of ten years last December. We were highschool sweethearts and our marriage seemed fine until he went into law enforcement. The last three years of our marriage he left me and our three children four times, had two affairs that I know of, the last one with a fellow police officer which resulted in a pregnancy. She gave birth to a baby boy, which after a paternity test proved to be my husband's. I moved to another state, and he followed me leaving her and giving up his law enforcement career. I still however divorced him because he would not include me (going to the paternity test appt., telephone conversations with her, etc.) in the situation, even though he claimed it was his problem and he didn't want to cause me anymore pain. He would not go to counseling either. Recently, I moved home to my father's, and he moved back to the area as well which is only 30 minutes away from where she is. He is paying child support, but has nothing to do with the baby or her. Now, he has joined the army because he says he wants to try and rebuild a life with me and our children away from everyone we know and away from the past. He wants to reconcile and remarry when I graduate from college in the fall. Am I crazy to entertain the idea? I still love him, but is that enough to start over again? He seems truly sorry, and is more open now than he has ever been, but how do you know if someone really "gets it" and has "learned their lesson?" And to complicate the situation even more, their is a baby involved and it isn't mine. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

You will know the right thing to do, take your time finish school, maybe get a job and take it slow. See if he will go to counseling. Do everything you can to make sure this is what you want and don't be in a hurry. it won't hurt him to wait till you are ready. date him if you like and start as if you just met. As for the baby he is innocent and if that is his child he should pay support and perhaps visit. that child deserves to have a father. just my opinion.<P>

Hi there, welcome to Marriage Builders. There is a Pregnancy/Child message board here that you might find very helpful. The people over there are dealing with the same issues you are with regards to a child from a spouse's affair.<P>Have you spent time reading over the articles on this site? I would strongly recommend that you try a session with Steve or Jennifer Harley under the counseling link on the menu above. They are fantastic - and will help you figure out if this is a genuine change in your H's attitude.<P>From what you posted though, it sounds hopeful. I think you probably need to figure out what you would need from him in order to reconcile. If you can come to an agreement with him on a plan of action for a reconciliation...you will be off to a good start.<P>I don't think you should make a decision right away, give it some time, but it sure sounds like he is willing to put his actions behind his words!!<BR>