Hi guys. I thought I would hold out forever, but after living apart three months i finally got to the end of the line when I saw no changes. Actually it is less conversation, if that is possible. I went to see a lawyer first to see what my rights are, then I decided I do not need the tough lawyer. A mediator should be fine. Also more in the budget.<P>I asked H what his needs were now that he had some time to sort things out, he still said he did not know. Then I asked what she wanted and that answer was swifter. She wants to move out of where she is living, and not to here apparently. My H could never financially survive in NY. Even with her small income. Nope I think this thing will not work with them in the long run. I hope that like me, H can say "i love you, but I cannot be in a relationship with you any more."--to her. I love my H but am ready to start again and find someone that can care and respect me. I know that I cannot be his wife any longer. Even if he did love me, which he does not, he says.<P>I have told all to my parents and brothers, and they are sympathetic to him too. They are really behaving well. I am surprised. But they are reflecting my own behavior toward him. Forgiveness and a sense of loss. It is best not to live with the poison of hate and the need for revenge. I thank God for this strength, though sometimes it takes a lot of effort to maintain that.<P>I have the kids every other weekend, and am practising being alone, and reaching out to new friends. Though I need a dance partner! Clubs are no fun without one! Cjack are you there? how about some dancing--no strings--just a blast! I need more male friends that don't expect anything! I don't need that right now. <P>My D was confirmed this past weekend and I handled all the planning by myself and pulled it off with two house guests to boot. I had quite a let down today, though, just a release of the final stress of the weekend. But it did go well. It was special as I had hoped it would be. Even my son behaved during the two hour service(Regional with over 400 people in our church.) The Bishop of AZ did the ceremony. It was wonderful, but long.<P>I am having a BBQ this weekend(kids at H's.) It is going to be a relaxed affair. I put to much into the last weekend to do much more<P>I am tired and going to bed. If you have any legal advice before I settle on the means of this end, let me know, otherwise just send me greetings and welcome me to the club. Hope to hear from some of the oldtimers that still remember me. <P>

I wish I could say I have your maturity and acceptance over the inevitable demise of my marriage. I am at times quite bitter over the emotional "rip off" that occurred during our 14-year union. Intellectually, I know what I am doing (and initiated) is for the good of all, yet there has been little transference to my emotional self. That is, during my low moments. It does seem to wax and wane, doesn't it? There are times when I feel lovely, confident, self-assured, and pragmatic. During these times I look great, and so does my world. If only I could retain those feelings, I could achieve success much more quickly. Success to me would be the ability to look back upon my marriage without the hint of melancholy, anger, resentment, or the infantile desire to exact some kind of humiliating revenge on my husband and his girlfriend. Please, just take that part of my brain out! It hurts me more than it hurts them, anyway. Why can't I be glib and joyful and have sex like they do? Oh sorry, I don't want to steal your thread! (I hate it when that happens to me.) Suffice it to say, you go girl! I'm very happy for your joy and look forward to the day when I can feel that way, too.<P>Thanks for the uplift,<BR>Nell

Burned,<P>Hello, Sorry I did not return your call but life has been hectic and a bit stressful around here. <P>STBX filed for D last week! <P>I'll give you a call. We can arrange to get out one of these days. <P>Take Care.<P>

I'm getting tired of saying this already, but welcome to the club. <P>It all seems so eerily familiar. Just as I was learning to live with my situation, my EX discovered what a heel the OM really was, but it was too late for us. <P>I'm still around, but I don't post as much as I used to...not much point, really. I don't know about dancing (2 left feet, you know ), but I'm always willing to talk if you need it. <P>Seems like just a few months ago there was a small group of us here in AZ who had hope to save our marriages. Now it looks like we all got on the wrong boat together! <P>But I'm gonna bet that we're all better for the experience. Last I heard, Allison was doing well, Hopeless in AZ is not so hopeless now, and it looks like you're going to be okay. At least we all know what to look for the next time around! <P>

Thanks every one for your responses. <P>Cjack, how can you have 2 left feet when you are a DJ? Incredible! Thanks for the offer to talk.<P>Nell, I must admit that I often rollercoaster with the feelings. It usually is when I am jealous of the fact that he is attached and I am not and that my marriage had to sacrificed to this new relationship. Also it is when I am feeling fat as he gets more fit. And yes I got angry when he did not get visibly upset when I asked him for the divorce. And I get upset when I see since then and he looks happy, for the first time in years. It is right for the both of us, he just does not have the personal strength to clean his own house. I think that now that he is feels free, the long-distance relationship will fall apart in lieu of someone he will be free to look for here, locally. He is feeling very spunky: rented a convertible this weekend while his car is being repaired. <P>Of course, he thinks I am going to end this with a paper for him to sign...not quite so easy. I want my house! Talk to you all soon.<P>Beth<P>