We are going through divorce proceeding. Our 12th anniversary is this weekend. We will not be spending it togother but I would like to get her a card and give her a special letter. I haven't composed may thoughts so this is a ROUGH draft but I'd like to feedback and any suggestions.<P>In advance thanks to all!<P>My Dearest Lisa,<P>Though I never thought we would spend our anniversary going through divorce proceedings, here we are. I want to thank you for the wonderful years that have given to us. As I reflect back on our lives together my heart is filled with joy. There are so many good memories that I will cherish for as long as I walk on this earth. We grew up together and you were my first true love. We went out into the world and made a beautiful family. I can’t put into words how elated I feel pondering back in time at days gone by. My cup runneth over.<P>I will depart from our relationship with many regrets and I will miss so many things about you but overall I will leave our relationship with many happy thoughts. I regret that only knew how to love my way and was unable to love you the way that you needed to be loved. I regret that we were unable to communicate our needs until it was too late. I will miss kissing you on the back of the neck and watching your whole body quiver. The biggest thing that I will miss is that look of youth that you carry in your eyes.<P>Lisa, I truly hope that you are able to find the happiness that you so desperately seek. You deserve that, but more importantly, the girls deserve that. I also hope that one day you will have the ability to show love and accept love. It is a wonderful thing. Love in your heart for someone is so much greater than any physical lust that we interpret as love. <P>The years ahead will heal these wounds but I will never forget this day, the day of our wedding, the day that we began our journey together before the Lord. Thank you so much for all that you have given and accepted. In closing I would like to leave you with some quotes from the book “The Road Less Traveled”:<P>"Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional. The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. This person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present. If it is, so much the better; but if it isn't, the commitment to love, the will to love, still stands and is still exercised…. My feelings of love may be unbounded, but my capacity to be loving is limited. I therefore must choose the person on whom to focus my capacity to love, toward whom to direct my will to love. True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision."<P><BR>"Some of us will go to quite extraordinary lengths to avoid our problems and the suffering they cause, proceeding far a field from all that is clearly good and sensible in order to try to find an easy way out, building the most elaborate fantasies in which to live, sometimes to the total exclusion of reality….” <P>I hope that you have a wonderful day and I will pray that you have a wonderful life. HAPPY ANNIVERSERY!!!!<P><BR>With all my Love,<P><BR>Bill<BR><p>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited May 22, 2001).]

Hi Bill, LostHusband:<BR>this was a lovely letter you wrote.<BR>Please clarify for me the circmstance for your separation/divorce. Did one of you betray the other with an affair?<BR>The reason I am asking is that my H sent me a similar 17th last anniversay card just as we are getting ready to finalize divorce. He has been having an affair for about a year and really "lost" himself. He is no longer the person I married, yet his letter to me clearly remembers the good from the past, yet does not express any intent to regain his old self or be the companion that he once was ever again.

More Confident,<P>To the best of my knowledge there were no affairs. The reason for our divorce is that she is "not happy", "not in love", and doesn't think that she can ever be happy or in-love with anyone. She is trying to "find" herself.<P>I'm wanting to add some more items to this letter but haven't found the time yet.<P>I was thinking about doing a quote from the Garth Brooks song "The Dance" and then thanking her for the dance and saying something like maybe in the future she'll honor me with another dance.<P>THE DANCE<BR>Looking back on the memory of<BR>The dance we shared 'neath the stars above<BR>For a moment all the world was right<BR>How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye<P>Chorus:<BR>And now I'm glad I didn't know<BR>The way it all would end the way it all would go<BR>Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain<BR>But I'd of had to miss the dance<P>Holding you I held everything<BR>For a moment wasn't I a king<BR>But if I'd only known how the king would fall<BR>Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all<P>Chorus<P>My life is better left to chance<BR>I could have missed the pain<BR>But I'd of had to miss the dance<P><BR>Bill<p>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited May 23, 2001).]

Bill,<P>I'm a little concerned about the Road Less Travelled quotes...the rest of the letter is so loving...but those quotes, out of context, attached at the end...almost seem judgmental and admonishing - especially the 2nd quote...like you shaking a finger at her and saying "see...even HE agrees with me that you've dropped the ball here" <P>I guess it depends on the goal of the letter...the quotes sound like you're educating her...that can be a real buster...<P>Just my opinion...I like the rest of it though.<P>Lisa

On*My*Own,<P>Thank you Lisa, I do see what you mean about those quotes. I put them in there because the first one explains to my wife that she chooses "to love" and the second cause that's exactly what she is doing.<P>But you're right, those quotes may do a little damage and that's not my intention.<P>I plan to have a final copy ready by Friday am. I would appreciate it if you would check back and offer any comments.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-

Hello LostHusband,<P>I have been married 2years and I am experiencing what you are. My wife wants to work at the marriage (she had an affair) but before she did that she was continuously complaining about how I wasn't loving her emotionally the way she wanted me to and how I wasn't meeting her emotional needs. That would also result in her having extremely bitter fights with me over small trivial issues.<P>Was that the case with you?<p>[This message has been edited by justTired (edited May 23, 2001).]

justTired,<P>No. I gave my wife all the love that I knew how to, if anything I showed her more love than she could accept. She has never felt "not loved" in our relationship. You are very lucky that your wife wants to work on the marriage. That is an option that my wife won't give me. IMO my wife is thinking that this divorce will solve her happiness problems. She has a lot of unresolved problems from her past and that is what really needs to be addressed. Plus she has developed an extreme anger problem.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-

The part of the letter you composed is wonderful. <P>However, I, like Lisa, find the second quote grating. It does sound a bit condescending. The first quote is better. But, for letter of this type, I might edit out the last 3 sentences.

cinderella,<P>Thank you, I posted a final copy under a new thread "Calling on all you WRITERS". I think everyone is in agreement that those quotes are to be deleted.<P>I would appreciate your opinion on the copy in the other thread.<P>Bill

Oh, ok! Going there now!<BR>