Many of you may know how much my x's family meant/means to me. It made it that much harder when my wife left over a year ago, when the whole family blacklisted me. While there has been some contact over the past year, most if not all, has been initiated by me. Well today that all changed. My brother-in-law finally sent me an email message. He is the little brother I always wanted - we became instant friends the day I began dating his sister (he is about 5 years younger than me). Right now he is in the Navy and stationed on the West Coast.<P>His message was very casual and made no reference to my wife or to our marriage (we are divorced now one month). Which is fine with me - I am more concerned with saving a friendship than in anything to do with my x-wife right now.<P>So I guess you can say that one member of her family has begun to come out of "the fog". It made my day. A little good news goes along way in my life right about now....<P>Just thought I would share.<P>The strangest weirdest part about the message was that ever since last week I have felt like my x-wife was going to get "in-touch" with me. I had this feeling several times over the past year and sure enough, every time she ended up calling or writing. Kind of strange that it was her brother this time, huh?<P>God Bless,<BR>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

Hi Mike...<P>I can relate to the importance of extended family contact. Unfortunately for me, I feel too dependent upon that. My stbx H's parents are devastated by their son's decision but his bro and sis are dead set for it and have supported the D proceedings from the very start. That's been an additional pressure on me that is on the periphery... even if my H wanted to try again, he has no support from his siblings and they would likely give him a bad time for it.<P>My family on the other hand, are hurt at what he's doing but trying to be nice to him not to give him any other reason to give me the boot.<P>Oh well... just wanted you to know that I read it and can relate to the extended family issues - collateral damage in a divorce. So sad.<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

That’s great news, Mike. You are a quality individual and regardless of the divorce, I’m sure her family still cares for you. I would assume that her brother probably felt a little uncomfortable contacting you under the circumstances, but now that everything is final he figured it would be ok. It’s nice that he stepped up and emailed you.<P>I was extremely close to my ex-wife’s family for 7 years and really feel that I lost more than half of my family along with my wife because of the divorce. Her family was as upset and confused by the entire situation as well, but I tried to stay away after the onset to minimize the risk of alienating my ex from her own family. Her family was still supportive of me, but they stayed away as well, with one exception….her cousin.<P>Shortly after news of the breakup, I received an email from her cousin who was very upset and concerned as to my mental well being. He is about 11 years younger than me, but I have known him since was 13 years old and we were always pretty close. He was a major source of strength and inspiration throughout this entire ordeal, and no matter what was happening at the time, I knew that I had at least family member who wasn’t afraid of sticking his nose in “our” business. He helped me through a very rough period and for that I will always be thankful.<P>It’s funny how we will have “gut” feelings about certain events in our lives. Even if they don’t happen like we envision them, sometimes reality is better!<P>Take care,<P>Shawn<BR>

Mike, <P>I am happy that by your BIL contacting you, it gave you a lift! The other day, out of the blue, I got a little note and picture of my niece from my XSIL. It made me smile and it was nice to think that I am not forgotten. <P>Thanks for sharing!<BR>Petrie<P>By the way-I could use some help on my reconciliation thread! <BR>

Mike,<P>Hey, it's good to hear from you. I was kinda wondering what you were up to. Anyway, let me just say, "Congrats" on getting the note from your previous BIL, who is now just your friend. <P>Whether you and your XW are divorced or not, maybe you and your xBIL are meant to be brothers--just like Cinderella and I are meant to be sisters and BrambleRose and I are twins. <P>It's good to hear from you! I have a good philosophy question brewing that I'll be asking early next week. See ya then!<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Mike..<P>This is surely a positive sign in your relationship with your former in-laws. It seems like this may open the door of communication between you and her family! <P>I am glad to hear this. Take Care and Thanks again for all the help you have given me during the past month.<P>Take Care..<P>Bryan<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

The timing on this thread is very interesting.<P>My STBXW's niece & her husband & son came out to visit her. They came over the night before last & invited me & my son to go with them to DC & bum around.<P>It seems that her entire family is disappointed with her behavior and wants to maintain a familial relationship with me. That & none of them seem to be particularly enamored with her boy scout.<P>My STBX's family was an important part of my life for many years. I would be a fool to divorce them, just because she is divorcing me.<P>Sorry for the wandering post...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again<p>[This message has been edited by c00ker (edited May 22, 2001).]

I have been able to stay close wiht my x in laws...in fact,they have met the man I am seeing and invited my friend and I to their place and we stayed a week and had a wonderful time!!<P>But just a bit of advice. No matter what, do not justify your position to them or try to "get "them to see things the way you felt they happened. My X left me, and his family was very angry with him. But, I will not say anything bad about him to them, ever. He is still their son, and they love him, but don't like what he did. So......Best just to let it lay. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by c00ker:<BR><B>I would be a fool to divorce them, just because she is divorcing me.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>What a great way to look at this situation.<P>Thanks Nick.<P>

(((((mike))))<P>I think sometimes when we go thru the divorce, the stbx in-laws don't know what to do because if they take sides, what if the relationship gets back together, or they just want to stay out of it. I have found that the people who have been the best to me, are the ones that have come around after it all settled a little, like your case here.<P>It's very hard to go thru divorce and lose a spouse, but we many times, lose a great family too. <P>Follow your intuitions, and feelings, when I get things like that, they always come true. (not always for the best, but I've learned to pay attention to them now)><P>Hugs, Dana