LEAVING WORK EARLY<P>Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?<BR>The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent some time with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! <P>Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!" <BR>

Oh, my!

BWAAAAA-HAAAAAA-HAAAAAAA!!!!<P>Hey wait a minute, [checking roots] I'm a blonde!<P>Can prove it too,<BR>Nell

Not to pick on blondes but here's another one.<P>51 DAYS<BR>A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"<BR>Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" <P>Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.<P>Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"<P>The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster.<P>When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"<P>The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!" <BR>

Hold up on the blonde jokes a sec...this just came in and I just gotta share it with everyone!<P>A naked woman is bouncing on her bed singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then says, You look ridiculous! What on earth do you think youre doing? <BR>She says, I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen year old. She starts laughing and jumping again. <BR>He says, Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 45-year-old a$$? <BR>Your name never came up, she replied.  <P><BR>Ya gotta love it! Hugs..<BR>winny<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Winnytoo (edited May 25, 2001).]

WARNING! These tasteless blonde jokes may be offensive to, um, blondes I guess. So, if you'd rather stay on the defensive team, don't read them. If you're blonde, sound the words out the best you can. This is not a test. I apologize if these jokes are deemed completely tasteless, and LH's thread gets censored. <P>Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?<BR>A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too<P>Q: What does a blonde owl say?<BR>A: What, what?<P>Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?<BR>A: "Have another beer."<P>Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU?<BR>A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.<P>Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?<BR>A: Last years hide and go seek winner.<P>Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?<BR>A: Air bubbles.<P>Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?<BR>A: An air mattress.<P>Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?<BR>A: Divorcee'<P>Q: What do you call a smart blond?<BR>A1: A golden retriever.<P>Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?<BR>A: Artificial intelligence.<P>Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?<BR>A: Thirty minutes of begging.<P>Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?<BR>A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)<P>Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?<BR>A: Unfertilized.<P>Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?<BR>A: A know-it-all *****.<P>Q: What do you call a blonde without an *sshole?<BR>A: Divorced.<P>Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?<BR>A: An Italian suppository.<P>Q: WHAT DID THE BLOND SAY WHEN SHE WOKE UP UNDER THE COW?<BR>A: What are you guys still doing here?<P>Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?<BR>A: When she farts, her knees bag.<P>Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?<BR>A: Proofreading.<P>Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?<BR>A: Full.<P>Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?<BR>A: A blonde parade.<P>Q: HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING?<BR>A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.<P>Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?<BR>A: She has a checkbook.<P>

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a swim meet. The gun goes off, and the brunette quickly captures first, with the redhead coming in second. An hour later, the blonde emerges from the pool and complains to the judges that while she was doing the breast stroke, the others were using their arms.<BR>

CHRISTMAS PARTY<BR>A man and his wife went to the company Christmas party and the man had a little too much to drink.<P>The next morning, he staggers down the stairs, completely hung over, and makes his way to the breakfast bar. His wife poors him a cup of coffee.<P>With his head in his hand, he asks "Damn, honey, what happened last night?"<P>She replies, "It wasn't a pretty sight."<P>He asks, "What do you mean?"<P>"Well," she replies, "you were not on your best behavior and your boss was extremely upset."<P>"He was?" he moans.<P>"Yes," she replies, "he sure was."<P>"Aahhh, PISS ON HIM!" he says.<P>"You did," she replies. "Honey, you got fired last night."<P>"I got fired?" he questions.<P>"Yes," she answers "you got fired"<P>"Aahhh, SCREW HIM!" he says.<P>She replies, "I did, you start back Monday morning!"<P>

<BR>Mailbox<P>A blonde went outside to check her mailbox, and her neighbor kept an eye on her, she had no mail, so she went back inside her house. Two minutes later, the same blonde went outside for the 2nd time to check her mailbox,and still, she had no mail, and the neighbor was confused. One minute later, again the woman comes outside to check her mailbox for the 3rd time, and again, she had no mail. This time, her neighbor went up to her and said, "The Mailman won't be here for another 3 more hours, why do you keep on checking your mail?". The blonde said, "Oh, because my computer keeps on saying, "You've got mail".<BR>

Nell..your a blonde?<BR>prove it LOL<P>J/k<P><P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BioMan:<BR><B>Nell..your a blonde?<BR>prove it LOL<P>J/k<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes Nell, Prove it let us see your ......<P><BR>Eyebrows <P>Bill<P>

My STBXW is a redhead, but I think she took a lot of blonde pills.

A blonde was coming home from a party one night a little drunk. and got pulled over by a cop.<BR>he asked for here license and smelled alcohol.<BR>the cop said "I need you to step out of the car and take a breathlyser"<BR>after breathing into the machine.. the cop said..<BR>"well it looks like you had a couple stiff ones tonight"<BR>and she looked at him in horror..."it can tell that too?""<BR><P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Dear Billy & Bio (you bad boys ),<P><BR>Q: How does Nell prove she's blonde?<BR>A: Scissor kicks.<P>And, equal time for brunettes:<P>Q: Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? <BR>A: It matches their mustache. <P>Neener, neener,<BR>Nell:P<P>

NELL, I'm blushing <P>scissor kicks OMG <P>Thanks for your help today. Have a great weekend. Any major plans????<P>Love, Bill

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!'' ''Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!'' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!''

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" <P>In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked<BR>to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. <P>In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"<P>The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street. <BR>

Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears? <P><BR>Sorry I couldn't resist this one. I'll go sit in the corner now. <BR>

LostHusband.....<P>Where do you come up with these.....they're great.<P>Thanks for the Friday laugh.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR>

Ok Gang,<P>Some Medic oldies but goodies.<P><BR>Three men walk into a bar, the forth one ducks. [Think about it]<P><BR>Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "Why the long face"? [What's with the bar thing?]<P>[Ok, stop the growning.] What do you do with an Elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino.<P><BR>Old guy walks into a bank. Says to the teller he wants to open a "damn bank account". Teller asks politely "What can I do for you?". He again repeats, "I want to open a damn account at your damn bank" The teller politely tells the man that that language is not tolerated in this institution.<P>She goes over and complains to the manager. He comes over and asks the man what he wants. The man replies "I just won 10 million dollars and want to open a damn account at your damn bank"<P>The manager says "Oh, and this ***** is giving you a hard time?" <P>Gotta love me <P>Zippy