well, the power is now in my name. Next up is the phone. Received an official transfer form. I have 3 weeks to do so or off that goes and then they charge you to reconnect.<P>If I don't have a phone, how will he talk to the kids?<P>My lawyer said we should be in court week of June 11 sometime. I just have to sit and wait. I hate that word. WAIT.<P>H came by to pick up kids and brought along the final gas and electric bill. It was for 950.00. He said he wanted me to pay for half of it with out tax refund. LOL LOL I just said what ever you want dear.<P>He also mentioned that this weekend he will be going away to our camp alone. Maybe see a guy friend down there. I said, that's nice. HEY H. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO ON YOUR TIME SO STOP TELLING ME.<P>Oh, he figured out i changed the code to the garage door opener and without me knowing it took my opener and left his for me. I rechanged the code. Now his won't work. He probably wanted to break in the house this weekend and probably still will somehow.<P>I am numb and sad. Numb because I don't know what I feel any more. Sad because i know we didn't have a perfect relationship (WHO does?) i feel it is such a waste of life, my life, his and my kids to go thru this stuff and for WHAT?<BR>Without even trying. <P>I sit here and think, THIS is MY LIFE. I don't like it! I don't want it and I DIDN"T ASK FOR IT.<P>I now can see how a CRISIS changes your perspective and how it snaps you into learning about yourself mode. It is a shame that most people who reach the CRISIS don't have the commitment and strength and courage to try and make things different and BETTER. Obviously, the marriage wasnt' working but i believe most marriages could be better because , at least for me, I still love my husband and i haven't been convinced that my H doesn't love me on some level. Maybe that is just my denial and it somehow makes my ego feel better but i really beleive it. I do think it could work but I can change him or make him try and I guess that is what makes me sad, not only for myself but for all other people in this terrible mess.<P>just having a glum moment.<P>hopelessmom

Dear Hope,<P>I have been thinking about you and sorry to hear you are feeling down. I know the feeling. Why did it take sooo long for the WS to figure things out when even our own children knew it was wrong for 1 parent to walk out on their family. Hmmmph..<P>But I did notice an improvement in your thought process in your quote here:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hopelessmom:<BR><B><BR>He also mentioned that this weekend he will be going away to our camp alone. Maybe see a guy friend down there. I said, that's nice. HEY H. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO ON YOUR TIME SO STOP TELLING ME.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You know when I finally said that, told H that I could no longer worry/care for him when he no longer lived at home and did not appreciate having to hear about how bad he was doing, he started to work towards moving back home. Crazy as it seems, they want you to worry for them. They want to know you care. <P>Logical, no not even close but for them it makes perfect sense. Anyway for me it brought some relief. Oh yea I still worried a bit but not as much. After the 1st week it got easier. Even though H kept losing weight and he made sure I noticed, would continue to bring it up. I would agree and remind him that he was in charge of his life now and he is the one who had the power to fix that. <P>Guess what? He has finally put back on some of those much needed pounds, after he came home. H mentioned that the lother day and thought it was because he had cut back on some work. I attributed it to 'my good cooking'. Ok, I bragged a bit, but as the W I know I am entitled to it. <P>So you are right to give him back his responsibility. Keep up the good picture and let him see what he is missing. I believe see it but are often (at the beginning) too embarressed to admit they gave up something good. <P>Hope this made you smile a bit. <P>L.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hopelessmom:<BR><B>well, the power is now in my name. Next up is the phone. Received an official transfer form. I have 3 weeks to do so or off that goes and then they charge you to reconnect.<P>If I don't have a phone, how will he talk to the kids?<P>My lawyer said we should be in court week of June 11 sometime. I just have to sit and wait. I hate that word. WAIT.<P>H came by to pick up kids and brought along the final gas and electric bill. It was for 950.00. He said he wanted me to pay for half of it with out tax refund. LOL LOL I just said what ever you want dear.<P>He also mentioned that this weekend he will be going away to our camp alone. Maybe see a guy friend down there. I said, that's nice. HEY H. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO ON YOUR TIME SO STOP TELLING ME.<P>Oh, he figured out i changed the code to the garage door opener and without me knowing it took my opener and left his for me. I rechanged the code. Now his won't work. He probably wanted to break in the house this weekend and probably still will somehow.<P>I am numb and sad. Numb because I don't know what I feel any more. Sad because i know we didn't have a perfect relationship (WHO does?) i feel it is such a waste of life, my life, his and my kids to go thru this stuff and for WHAT?<BR>Without even trying. <P>I sit here and think, THIS is MY LIFE. I don't like it! I don't want it and I DIDN"T ASK FOR IT.<P>I now can see how a CRISIS changes your perspective and how it snaps you into learning about yourself mode. It is a shame that most people who reach the CRISIS don't have the commitment and strength and courage to try and make things different and BETTER. Obviously, the marriage wasnt' working but i believe most marriages could be better because , at least for me, I still love my husband and i haven't been convinced that my H doesn't love me on some level. Maybe that is just my denial and it somehow makes my ego feel better but i really beleive it. I do think it could work but I can change him or make him try and I guess that is what makes me sad, not only for myself but for all other people in this terrible mess.<P>just having a glum moment.<P>hopelessmom</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>It is very fustrating! I can relate to your moment.I try to concentrate on what I need and that I can have what it is I am hoping for.I tell myself I will never give up never lose hope, I get up and go again. I do mind refreshers and I have put myself and thoughts on my higher power and how he sees me. Psalm 139 and 77 are my favorite. I hope for healthy relationships and have the simular thoughts you do on marriage. Hang in there! It is worth it to me I become who I am through the pain and have gained wisdom, but as you I go kicking and screaming.<P>Best Regards<P>c<P>

I feel your pain and agony, I have often wondered myself, what a waste of time and energy, when we could be working on the marriage, there wasn'r anything that couldn't be worked on. I think it is wonderful that you changed the code by yourself and are doing things for yourself. Let him see you don't need him to take care of you. Do something nice for yourself and keep moving forward. You have oppurtunities now that you never had before so take advantage of them. I don't understand why they feel it neccessary to cause pain, why they don't just leave and stop trying to hurt us. Take care of yourself.<P>

((((((((((hopelessmom))))))))))<P>Wife's been gone for two weeks, all the creditors are on my butt. Have to call the phone company today to get an extension so it doesn't get shut off. I definately can relate to your situation.<P>It's bad enough that we have to go through the trauma of losing our "traditional" family but these morons we've married pile all kinds of crap on top of that (i.e. finances, property, other people).<P>Honey, the only thing I can offer is to say that only you can make your life better. Make sure that take care of yourself and get to know yourself. I am lonely as hell but I'm getting to know myself again and I'm pretty cool. I live in a real small town and you can't believe the friends that I never thought I had.<P>It does get better if you allow it to.<P>Love, Bill<BR><P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-