I know some of you have review my org.post and Thank You for<BR>your comments. This is it in short so you do not have to flip to the EN forum. We have been together for 15 years & married 10 yrs..She had always had a male friend as a friend she claims until she took it a step further 6 years ago and wanted a divorce then, but I wanted to work though it an stay together. In conseling indv.& together I was excused due to she needed extended help, but refused to continue because she said that the counselor was too nosey & she wouldn't go, same with the next counselor. I trans. w/job and we moved far from the problem "her friend" who left his W & 3mo.infant to be w/her. W planned to moved back after we got settle, but I reached out to a church for help, which she wasn't aware of and we started attending & 6 or so months later we started discussing children again and we always wanted children but it never happen. Some of our new friends had similar problems and refer us to a great DR. We have a beautiful 4 1/2 yr old dgth. We trans. to an area we once lived and its about 2 hrs. from her mother (who is on her 5th marriage). Being this close she always going home. We have not my W & I slept together alone in the 4 1/2 yrs now she sleeps w/ our dgth. and cares nothing about the marriage. We do disagree on parenting,I don't believe a child should be drinking coffee which she has been for two years,my W & her mother feels its OK because they both did when they were young. I belive that the toys should be in the toy room to play, not in the other 5 rooms which doesn't get picked up, except by myself or my W some, same as for the coffee cups. My W wants to move out of state w/dgth & says I'm not wanting to work w/her,I'm not going to be a part-time DAD. Last year I was diagnose w/ cancer w/50-50 survivor rate my first year and she said she would start the divorce then but decided to wait until after my check ups,I made it my 1st year and only 4yrs left before I'm out of the danger zone. After my surgery the treatments started shortly after. 7am til 11:30 daily for 2 months I drove myself 90 miles round trip to keep from getting her & my dght. up so early, she had the nerve to tell me yesterday that I was glad I had cancer so I could tell everyone, I sd. yes I survive & I prayed before & now that if any harms comes to anyone in our family let it fall upon me so they would not suffer, she sd. w/attitude guess you're a saint now, I sd I feel sorry for her.She will not go to counselling Just found out today her step-father is paying for her atty. so she is relieved & will push harder to try to move, I told her I will get a court order to keep dght in state, which she says I cann't do. I told her to be the part time Mom & she still claims no judge will let a father have a child, they are better w/the Moms. I told her not to bank on that, times have change.<BR>So am I crazy to try to keep this marriage going? It seems no hope,but then she will say that she cares about me and will be sad that I'll be alone. I'm a very outgoing person and never met a stranger as for her, she is quite until she knows you. Give me your thoughts PLEASE.

Fight to keep your daughter in state. Get a good lawyer for that. I'm so sorry for what you're going through--dealing with the cancer and the divorce.<BR>Maybe you need to let her proceed with the divorce and heal on your own (emotionally and physically.) Get that good attorney, though!!

I agree. Fight to keep your daughter in your state. Fight for joint custody. It sounds like your W is using your daughter against you to some degree. No matter how bad it is between the two of you, your daughter has a right to know her father and be near him.<P>Your wife is very cruel to not have some compassion about your life threatening disease. Although, I don't know if it would help to sound "less saintly" so to speak and to recognize that you do need some compassion. Everyone does. You shouldn't be going through your cancer alone. This is a long shot, but maybe she needs you to admit that you need assistance and to stop trying to put everyone's else's needs before your own. <P>My H is very much like that. To the extent of this is where we are today. His owns needs cannot go on being ignored. And after being so "selfless" for 4 going on 5 years, he finally "blew" and he left citing a need to think about himself for a change. It's great that he's finally voicing his needs, but our psych. says that if he could address his needs, be more assertive, at those lower more managable levels, maybe they wouldn't have to come out in such a dramatic fashion after such a long build up. And me? I would have loved to have helped him address his needs . . . if he would have just let me know what they were.<P>I don't know if it's too late for you to go this route. It sounds like she's been cruel to you in the past and isn't going to change much.<P>One thing to keep in mind, often times the person who is trying to hurt a person by being outwardly cruel, hurts just as much inside too. They have to hide it and protect themselves by placing the hurt onto others. I talk about anger management a lot. I would not be surprised if she has shame based related anger management. Where really, it's her who feels like she's not good enough, e.g. but projects that blame onto others.<P>I don't know. I can't read enough by your initial post. Maybe I'm going out on a limb too much here.<P>But I still maintain, fight for your child, for the rest of your life. Good luck w/ your treatment. It is draining and difficult to go through. Life is a precious thing. I wish you well in your fight against cancer.

Thank you for your encouragement and information, I will continue to fight for myself and dght. As for her I wish she would get some help she claims she doesn't need help because her Mom is helping her (helping get out of this marriage) and supports her, but what can I expect from her Mom she is on H #5, no family values unless it suits them and they come out on top.