I think I may have to leave my husband soon. I've explained about his 10-year sexual relationship with another man in a different post. My question is this: Has anyone used a mediator instead of a lawyer for a divorce? I do want to make this as civilized as possible because we have 3 children (13-21 yrs) who don't have a clue what has happened, and I don't want them to know. I want them to have a good relationship with him because he has been a good dad. If you have any experiences or suggestions about this, I'd like to hear.

We used a mediator. I think it's required in Texas when children are involved. Get a lawyer to protect your interests first, then use a mediator to hammer out a deal with your STBX.<P>Our mediator put us in the top 1% as far as working things out. The mediator helped us decide about assets, visitation, and child support by offering various alternatives. It all worked extremely well. I got everything I wanted, including my daughter. I think I was successful because my X was/is cheating on me and was filled with guilt. I don't think a mediator can offer solutions when you just want to fight, but a mediator can help you hammer out a deal when you are offering to work together.<P>My XW is still not happy to this day. She must be a miserable person. She looks for any reason to find fault in me to allieve her guilt. She doesn't like that I have primary custody, but that is another issue. Though I wish I had a nice female friend, it's good to be away from the XW and her affair prompted insanity.

My former husband and I did use a meditor at my suggestion. The mediator was a good friend of my counselor. There were four women who worked very closely together. The counselor, the mediator, the attorney (who filed for him) and a financial planner. In a sense, I have used them all.<P>I never really used the attorney but she was available to start the divorce proceedings. He was going to anyway. I did have some contact with her as I had to have some information about a quit-claim deed. She even seemed sympathetic to my cause.<P>This is in Arkansas. I would say that these four women did the best they could to help me through a traumatic situation. We were saved from lots of fighting and attorney's fees. Although we both had to split the cost of the mediator. He paid completely for the divorce.<P>Hope this helps.<P>Martha

I used a mediator and b/c my ex decided to take revenge on me, he went to see the mediator prior to our initial meeting and told him a whole bunch of garbage so by the time I got there he didn't want to hear anything I said. He cut me off every single time I opened my mouth. I wanted to faint in court. I felt alone and helpless. I guess my experience was horrible. I really would never want to do that again.<P>------------------<BR>Just me!