~<p>[This message has been edited by not incapable of love (edited June 11, 2001).]

I said this before NIOL,<P>It does not sound like you are even close to ready to be dating again, and you are falling hard for a guy that is emotionally unavailable.<P>You need to go read my "Nice guys finishing last" post again!!! <P>Here is yet another red flag in your thinking:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>So I guess I'm wondering how much to tell him... I know that he won't be afraid to trust and unwilling to commit forever... that some day, if I meet his emotional needs, he will feel safe enough to love me. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yep that sexy black cloud of angst is soooooooooo darn attractive. If you just love him enough he'll be cured!!<P>You need to ask yourself why you are attracted to a guy that you feel driven to 'fix'.<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

~<p>[This message has been edited by not incapable of love (edited June 11, 2001).]

~<p>[This message has been edited by not incapable of love (edited June 11, 2001).]

Hi NIOL ~<P>Sweetie, look, in my opinion, it seems very clear that you are not even close to being ready for a new relationship. Your divorce isn't final and you are already on guy number 2. This guy is being pretty upfront - he's not interested in anything but the sex. And you are quite obviously in a fog of obsession over him.<P>It takes years to heal from abuse. Have you been to counseling? Have you talked with other abuse survivors about what they needed to learn and go through to heal?<P>I've never been physically abused. Thank goodness I don't know what that is like. But I have been in mentally and emotionally abusive relationships all of my life, and it has taken me years just to get to the point where I can be OK by myself. I never learned how to have friends. I am learning this now. I have friends of both genders - and no romantic entanglements by my own choice. I won't be ready for romance for a very long time, and for now I am enjoying learning about me.<P>How much about YOU do you know? If you aren't comfortable by yourself, it's a sure sign you shouldn't be dating.<P>There's not much I can do to help you, because it's pretty clear that you are determined to head down this path. I'm sorry that you are....it will end only with more hurt and pain on your part.<P>--BR

~<p>[This message has been edited by not incapable of love (edited June 11, 2001).]

~<p>[This message has been edited by not incapable of love (edited June 11, 2001).]

~<p>[This message has been edited by not incapable of love (edited June 11, 2001).]

whewwwww,im feeling for you girl but.....I think you are bringing most of this on youself.Its apparrent you are not ready for this relationship and neither is he.You can say well lets just F##k but i dont think you can handle that either without wanting more.Thats appears to be just a straw to keep you around him and you would be setting yourself up for a even bigger fall.Take time for yourself..get thru this divorce thing first,it maybe your not focusing on your divorce because there is another man in the picture.While he is on your mind you will not think rationally....Take your time you have your whole life ahead of you....<P>------------------<BR>Tracy

~<p>[This message has been edited by not incapable of love (edited June 11, 2001).]

~<p>[This message has been edited by not incapable of love (edited June 11, 2001).]