Hi all,<P> Well, it seems as if giving up the ghost on my marriage was the right choice. It's amazing how far apart we have grown and how amazingly different our lives have become in such a short period of time.<BR> I ended up going back home to retrieve some belongings because stbx was being very irresponsible. I saw him for the first time in two months. There was nothing there. He refused to take off his sunglasses for the entire time we talked, was cold and distant. Gave me a very wooden hug and that was that. I cried on the ride home but after that...nothing. The well has run dry and I have nothing left to give. He looked awful and there's evidence of cocaine abuse in the house. But this was the path he chose and now I'm fine with it. Sad at times but getting better. I do hope he's going to come through all this okay, I still love him and don't want any harm to come to him. He's no longer my mate but I am still his friend. Hopefully, someone will watch over him.<BR> For me life is getting better. I've gotten the big break I've been waiting for professionally and what I've wanted for so long is in reach I just need to grab it with both hands. One door closed but a whole houseful of windows have opened. My life is my own to build and enjoy as I see fit, I plan to.<BR> I've also met a very wonderful man and although I am playing it cool and keeping things at ground level I like him. He's good company, great conversation and puts a little bounce in my step. Sure, I'm not ready for a big committment and physical relationship but for now I'm enjoying the parts of it that are safe and I'll worry about that other stuff when I get there.<BR> Life is beautiful guys. I had to get to the very bottom to appreciate all the great things that are happening to me. I'm grateful for that new insight. I never really understood how good the good really is and I think I can count myself lucky in some respects to have gained something so fundemental for my well being and that's just a plain appreciation for life and all it's possiblities.<P>Be well all of you.

Wow... you've come a long way baby!<P>I can't believe how <I>over</I> your marriage seems! I'm sorry for your H but wow... what can ya say? Cocaine, huh? What about the OW?<P>Anyway, just take it easy with that other man as you still don't know how healed your heart is... but I can definitely relate to the feeling of being with someone who's not rejecting you... it does make ya bounce a little. Though, as some would say, that may be meeting MY needs more than anyone elses... so, God help us to do the <B>right thing!</B><P>So nice to hear from you again!<P>Cheers,<BR>Nicole<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

It took me a long time, a lot of tears and hours of reflection to get to this point. I'm not completely over it but I unerstand it as much as I ever will and have come to accept it. He's so different now, even with the OW not being a consideration he has changed. He's lost the innocence, integrity and sense of spiritual grounding that made me love him as much as I did. He's not the same man and can't ever be again. It doesn't mean I hate him, wish him harm or even not love him but it does mean that I no longer want him as a husband. It won't be as it was and things have gone so far that they are past the point of no return. I just wish him a good life and that he finds out what he needs. He's in a lot of pain and he needs to address it.<BR> As for me, I'm happy with myself again and am very excited by all the opportunities before me. There's so much for me to do now and I have all the freedom and time I need for them. I can't change the past but the future is completely open, it's a good feeling.<BR> As for the new man, I'm taking my time. I've been very open and honest about my situation and the limits I have right now, he knows and he can either accept it and enjoy having a good friend to talk with and go to movies with or reject it and move on. I'll no longer compromise my comfort level for anyone's benefit no matter how much I like someone. He seems to accept it and actually enjoy the non-pressure situation, it works and it's enough for now.<BR> I'm just really peaceful right now and the ride is over. Sure, I still get teary every once in a while but that horrible up and down thing seems to be over.

Well, I say "WHEW!"<P>But, keep your heart soft and let the Lord continue to work things out in there... Give some space to NOT close the door on your H also. No, he won't be the same as he was before but that might be a good thing. It may be over over over... but I'd hesitate to forceably block that path off in the Trust that God has sovereign control ... He can change your H's heart... not to the man he was that you fell in love with but a new, healed and transformed person. No, this is not for hope... just an encouragement for you to Trust God and not in just your own judgment!<P>Take care.<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once