I have been married for 20 years. We have 3 children. I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. My husband had tried for years to get me to talk to someone but I always refused until a couple of years ago. At first I told my counselor that it was all my fault that the relationship was suffering. Then I realized that I had a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband because his work and outside activities were his top priority. I need someone to spend more time with me. He is part of a family business and most weeks works 6 days and late hours. He tells me he loves me but many times his actions don't match his words. I have been hospitalized 3 times for depression in the last year and am an outpatient at this time. I'm afraid to trust him because when I'm suffering the most he is helpful and here for me, but when things seem to be getting better he starts his bad habits again and I get hurt all over. It's like having stitches and when I'm almost healed they are ripped out leaving the wound open and jagged. I'm tired of not knowing what to do. I don't think I love him, I hate living where we do, and his job cannot be moved to a different city because of the nature of the business. There are many times that I think suicide would be a better option for everyone. I always said I would never get divorced. I made a committment. I feel stuck.

so you made a commitment and now think you have to stick with it to death. wrong. let's look at just what acommitment is. to commit means to pledge, a pledge is a promise. to promise means to offer assurance that you'll either do or not do something. assurance means to offer a measure of confidence that something is so or not. so you see, when you committed to your marriage you didn't mean that you would stick with to your last dieing breath. you simply offered your assurance that you would stick it out. i'm not advocating giving ones' word lightly but on the other hand, committing doesn't mean you've signed your name in blood. so, if your marriage truly sucks at this point, you've tried counseling, your taking antidepressants and still feel the divorce is the way to go then do it. i read a book, several times, titled- coming apart. i don't recall the author, it was a female, but check with the library, they'll probably have it. it's a good read and explains why in so many cases, marriages need to be ended. i know many people with respond to this in a manner to suggest i just commited a blaspheme, but i don't care. a marriage commitment isn't like jumping off a cliff. you can change your mind. that's why we have divorces. i don't favor divorces nor am i a marriage nazi. good luck!!

so you made a commitment and now think you have to stick with it to death. wrong. let's look at just what acommitment is. to commit means to pledge, a pledge is a promise. to promise means to offer assurance that you'll either do or not do something. assurance means to offer a measure of confidence that something is so or not. so you see, when you committed to your marriage you didn't mean that you would stick with to your last dieing breath. you simply offered your assurance that you would stick it out. i'm not advocating giving ones' word lightly but on the other hand, committing doesn't mean you've signed your name in blood. so, if your marriage truly sucks at this point, you've tried counseling, your taking antidepressants and still feel the divorce is the way to go then do it. i read a book, several times, titled- coming apart. i don't recall the author, it was a female, but check with the library, they'll probably have it. it's a good read and explains why in so many cases, marriages need to be ended. i know many people with respond to this in a manner to suggest i just commited a blaspheme, but i don't care. a marriage commitment isn't like jumping off a cliff. you can change your mind. that's why we have divorces. i don't favor divorces nor am i a marriage nazi. good luck!!