I have to see my H today. I am so very angry with him that I am about to explode. I woke up and changed my plans so that I didn't have to deal with him today while I am this angry, but my son started crying and asked to see his dad.<P>I can't tell my son no.<P>At times like this, the serenity prayer doesn't mean diddley squat to me.<P>I don't want to have a fight with him in front of his family and our children. <P>I already KNOW that there is nothing I can do or say that will change the current situation, or his latest outrageous actions. But I never seem to be able to keep my mouth shut - especially not when I am boiling over with rage. And I'll have to sit there looking at him for several hours when instead I want to run away and never ever see this man ever again.<P>Does anyone have any good duct tape for my mouth?<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

I don't know all the circumstances, but if your husband is going to be with your child and you mentioned having to be around him for several hrs,,can you just take yourself out of the situation for those hrs? Go to a movie, go shopping, to the bookstore? Let your husband take care of his child for those hours.

BR...<P>I'm praying for you.<P> <P>Jim

BR,<P>Does he expect you to act as if nothing is wrong when you<BR>are around his family? I know that some ppl want you to do<BR>that..put on a mask and act as if everything is hunky dorey..during family functions when you are raging inside..<P>Does his family know whats going on? I'll be praying for you..

You are in my thoughts!!! Try a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you begin to fume. <P>Or visualize a plexiglass partition between the two of you. Let his misery splatter on that and not you. Sounds silly, and takes practice, but even trying to visualize it takes your mind off of the actual words!!!<P>Good luck.

Hi... yeah, I can relate to that burning rage... I'd suggest finding some way to get some of that tension released BEFORE seeing your H... can you go for a jog/walk or something? Let the endorphins help you a bit. <P>I like the idea of the plexiglas shield... have you seen Star Wars Episode 1? The group of people that Jar Jar Binks belongs to has these neat shields that are like the plexiglas that can't let anything in but you can is made of something like a liquid or water. It surrounds you! I use that visual once in a while.<P>So, have a good day and check in afterwards to let us know how you managed your LB behavior! Remember to live at peace if it's at all up to you... let the anger seep out and do NOT let your H dictate your mood. That's your choice... and it's not up to him. You may have to choose to remove yourself from him as was suggested but you are in control of you!<P>Cheers!<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

Hi BR,<P>Hope everything went well for you today. We started out the day with a Memorial Mass, and kept you in our prayers.<P>Prayers and stuff,<BR>Bumper

Whoa BR,<P>Everybody's just way too nice over here! I like the rubberband idea, but get several of them around both wrists. Remember the old rubberband trick in junior high where you "loaded" it around your hand to an extended pointy finger? You released it by relaxing your pinky, and that sucker just flew! Tushies, beware! Hehehehehe! <P>Now, you could really get creative with a paintball gun...<P>Bark's worse than her bite,<BR>Nell (whose mind has way too much free time)

BrambleRose,<P>I'm all out of duct tape but you can use my stapler <P>Your in my thoughts and prayers.<P>Love, Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Everyone, thank you so much for the prayers!!<P>I survived - it could have been better but it could have been much worse!! I ended up in a fight with H, but I did not behave badly, which is what I feared the most. <P>I dropped the kids with him in the place he wanted to meet at, and decided that rather than go back to his mother's home, that I'd go see a friend. I spent some time praying, reading my Divine Mercy prayer book and trying to let go of him and this whole mess. <P>2 hours later, he called my friend trying to track me down. THIS after he had been missing for 4 days, not returning phone calls. <P>When he started berating me for not telling him where I was because it was so upsetting for him and the boys...I said simply "Gee, imagine that."<P>I hung up, had lunch with the friend, then drove over to his mother's house. And I told him that if he EVER disappeared and refused to return my calls or answer his cell phone for days on end, that I would call his OW and track him down through her.<P>Normally, it wouldn't have mattered, except that he had made a big deal of telling me that he was going to be spending time at our home with the kids on Thursday, Sunday, and Monday. He disappeared on thursday, no show, did not return any calls from me or the kids, and then called Sunday afternoon upset because I wasn't where he assumed I would be (Gee I had only been calling him for days to make those arrangements). Monday I would have avoided all together, except that my sons wanted to see him.<P>Anyway, so our fight consisted of his calling me names, telling me that I was trying to make his family hate him. He flat out told his family that I had made up all the stories about his girlfriends and that I hated him so much that I wanted to drive a wedge btween them. I tried to stay on the high road, and simply insisted that he didn't have to love me - but that didn't exempt him from his obligations to care for his family and it didn't exempt him from common courteousy.<P>He tried to tell me that he was in the hospital all day friday. Then when I started laughing, he told me he'd been in meetings at work. <P>I stopped listening.<P>His mother just shook her head and said, He's like a huge big baby. She literally sat there stunned when during the course of the afternoon, she and I were talking about movies...he came over and joined in, and then when he enthusiastically started talking about a movie that he'd refused to see with me....I didn't say a word. He glanced at me, then exploded at me, started screaming that he didn't have to put up with my disrespect....I hadn't said anything, and hadn't even made a face!!<P>His mother said quietly as he stomped off...sounds like a guilty conscience.<P>Bleah. I think I need to run away to the Bahamas. <P>His family gets upset when I decline invitations to their home for family occaisions. They have bent over backwards to help me and make up for their son's neglect of his obligations. They don't want to cut off their son, but they dont want to lose me either.<P>I'm going to have to draw a pretty firm boundary here I think. Either he goes to these events, or I do, with or without the kids.<P>What he is doing is not their fault...but I don't need to be dragged into any more of these situations!!<P>Anyway, thank you very very much for the prayers and encouragement and the support. I managed not to say all those angry horrible things that I wanted to say yesterday!!<P>(((hugs))) BR<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I><p>[This message has been edited by BrambleRose (edited May 29, 2001).]

Hi BrambleRose,<P>I am proud of you. It is also good that your in-laws can see things as they are and show support as needed. Their son will need their support more when you go to plan B and withdraw your constant support. That is what I told my H and his family. Of course, OW accused me of alienating H from his family but we all know she likes to make things up to make me look bad. <P>It is very hard to see the WS use their own children to express their frustrations. Acting like a 'big baby' is a very accurate description. Wonder how they would feel if their sons acted this way? <P>You are doing good. I know you feel like you are having a down time but what you wrote shows strength of character. You have actually made lemonade out of the lemons your H handed you this weekend. <P>You and your family are in my heart and prayers. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

BrRs... Great to hear that you made it through with minimal damage during the day. So sorry it has to be so *sucky* with your H. Man is he off the wall or what! Keep steady... Psalm 51 - pray that the Lord will keep HIS steadfast, unchangeable and steady Spirit within you inspite of the storms and turbulence all around you.<P>You're very smart... and very strong. It's good that you think things through before responding - allow yourself that time when you're dealing with such irrationality. Just don't get caught up in the "conflict of the moment" kind of behavior... you will NOT like yourself more for it. BUT then again, feel free to stand up for yourself but in a respectful and calm way. He is your kid's father, that alone deserves some respect, no?<P>Cheers!<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once