After 33 years of marriage my husband decided he doesn't have 'romantic' feelings towards me. He's been close to a co-worker - how close I don't know or how involved it has been. Never the less, he has been living away from home for 3 1/2 months. We happen to have a summer camp and that is where he is living. One of my problems is that there is so much of his clothes, toiletries and 'stuff' in the house that it is beginning to wear on me. I've been trying to give him his 'breathing room' but so far I don't know what he exactly wants. I wasn't the one to leave, he was. So, my question is -- has anyone gone through this and how long do you wait before you call it quits. I keep hoping, but it seems the door is closing on me. Any suggestions would be a help. Thanks.

I've only been married for two years, but my suggestion to you is to get rid of his stuff that is bothering you. It's bad enough that you are dealing with the fact that your h may not love you anymore. Please don't put yourself through any more pain.

Dear Tearful,<P>From my past experience I feel that when a man decides to leave him wife and leaves his things behind can mean one of two things: He'll be back....or he is using you and your home as a storage facility and to lazy to gather it all up and move it out. Most men that are so unhappy take every thing they can carry off.<P>Talk to your h, explain your feelings after 3 1/2 months of seperation. You can make this final without him. File for legal seperation, box up his belongs and drop them off at his door. Control your life. Good Luck

Tearful,<P>After 32 years of loving my husband unconditionally, he moved to his own apartment. Prior to his move, his stuff was here and he would only come here to shower and change his clothes. His excuse was that he could not bear to see me in so much pain.<BR>He moved out on March 5, I caught him with the OW on February 12. Since his move, I and my daughters, have boxed his "stuff" and sent it to him. I am still finding some of his "stuff" and will continue to send it to him. Don't get me wrong, I still love my husband very deeply and I always will. But you must think of your pain and try to move on. I was very devastated when I came home from work and he had removed things he needed to set up his apartment. I have not seen my husband since March 8 nor talked to him since March 23. I still have my bad moments, and I still cry alot. But I am getting stronger each day and I know that I will be a better person when all is said and done. We will never understand why these things happen to us but God has a master plan for all. I have been told when my husband realizes what he has done, he will contact me. He may never realize. I have made the choice to live my life and be the best I can be, for me. You are probably about my age and have probably been the caretaker all your life. Isn't it time to take care of you? <P>The first step is to either send his stuff to him or box it up and store it away. Be strong and try to be kind to yourself.

Tearful,<P>I forgot to tell you, he also told me that the feelings were no longer there and the best thing we could do was divorce. He has said so many hurtful and cruel things to me in the past few weeks. But he also has told me that he has loved me since the first day he laid eyes on me. He has also said he loves me that maybe someday we can work our problems out. But I'm not holding my breath.<P>It must be a mid-life crisis thing.

Skiddles,<BR> Thanks for the message. I, too, find myself getting stronger each day. My husband has taken his clothes out of the bedroom closet and I'm in the process of changing my bedroom around and have treated myself to a few new things to make the room mine. I do agree with this mid-life crisis thing and have been very fortunate that my children are including me in their lives and are continiuing to call mom and check on how she's doing. Can't say that they're doing the same for their dad. I feel he'll wake kup too late and realize that he's lost the people who loved him the most - his wife and his children. Thanks for the message. Hang in there. Isn't it amazing how strong we really are??