My wife and I have been together for 3 years. Every 3-5 months she will get mad<BR>over nothing and leave for<BR>a week to 6 weeks. The last time she left, she finally came back. We found a<BR>therapist and she was<BR>diagnosed as Bi-Polar, rapid cycling. She tried seveal antidepressants and was finally<BR>put on Prozac. She<BR>also has Dual Diagnosis using acholol and cannibs. I know she is self medicating<BR>because she says it reduces<BR>the depression. She has lost custody of her children from a previous marriage, DUI,<BR>over the last year she<BR>has become steadly worse and will get worse unless she decides she has a serious<BR>problem and needs to get<BR>serious about controling the illness. On one particular Saturday after she had laid on<BR>the couch for 3 days in<BR>a severely depressed state, so much so that she couldn't remember what day it was.<BR>She cried constantly,<BR>and begged that she didn't want to feel this way. She hadn't taken her prozac for 4<BR>days. That saturday<BR>morning she took 2 and began drinking beer heavily all day with over the counter<BR>stimulants. That night<BR>during a casual conversation she became enraged and angry. I tried to calm her<BR>down by telling her I love<BR>her and think about what she was doing. She tried to leave the house and go to her<BR>mothers. She was drunk,<BR>and severly manic. I knew that was not the right thing to do because she has<BR>attempted sucide 5 time that I<BR>know of. I would not let her leave, that is what I was told to do. So she called the<BR>police, i hung up the<BR>phone telling her not to do that because they would put someone in jail. She threw<BR>the phone aginist the wall<BR>and it bounced back and hit her in the eye leaving a black eye the next day, she<BR>broke pictures, threw things<BR>threw the wall, i was truly scared, she had hit me before, I am 6-2 210lbs and she is<BR>5-7 130lbs. She had<BR>accidently hit me in the eye when I tried to calm her down so when the police got<BR>there they she told them I<BR>didn't hit her, they saw my eye and took her to jail. I begged them not to. In<BR>retrospect I should have had<BR>them take her to the hospital. Well, now she doesn't remember much of what<BR>happend that night, and she is<BR>insisting that I hit her. Which of course I did not. She has filed for a divorce, she is<BR>living with her drug addict<BR>mother and achololic father, or friend who are major into drugs, she is also been<BR>addicted to crystal meth in<BR>the past, these people who have no clue to how dangerious Bi-polar illness is and has<BR>not tried to educated<BR>themselves on the subject. My contribution is that I enabled her to continue the<BR>destructive behavior, I<BR>suspect I am a little co-dependant. I love my wife dearly, I try to support her and<BR>encourage her in every<BR>aspect of her life I even asked her every morning if she took her meds and made sure<BR>she knew of the<BR>therapist appts. She has surrounded herself with people that are encouraging her to<BR>continue with the divorce<BR>and that I am a terrible husband and that she is fine. Of course they only know her<BR>side of the story and have<BR>no idea what it is like to love a bi-polar person. She has spent 40 thousand dollars<BR>since september,<BR>unfinished projects, no enery, classis symptoms of Bi_polar rapid cycling. She said<BR>she is continuing to go to<BR>therapy. But since she has been around all the ignorant people she is begining to<BR>doubt the diagnosis of the<BR>therapist. I think she is in denial and blames me for everything bad that happens. My<BR>question is will she ever<BR>remember what actually happened that night? She has a history of leaving and<BR>returning, will she regret what<BR>she has done, she told me she loved me, but feels that I hit her. The therapist says<BR>to trust the system, but<BR>with lawyers involved I afraid it will get out of hand and we will wind up divorced.<BR>And since she thinks I hit<BR>her she has a protection order aginst me and I am afraid to call her in fear of going<BR>to jail. How can I stop<BR>this? How can I get my wife back? I love her and want to continue the marriage. If<BR>given the chance I plan to<BR>tell her that there is no way I can go back to all the dope and drinking and<BR>non-compliance of the treatment<BR>and lack of attending the conciling sessions. Help, what should I expect to become of<BR>all this? I don't know if she will go through the divorce or not as long as she keeps<BR>getting incouragement from her sorry friends and parents. Should I expect her to<BR>return again, should I continue to hope. Should I go ahead and get a divorce. I feel<BR>like I am running out on her, but won't even talk to me about it. What am I to do<BR>here. Questions that are in my mind.<P>Just a confused and loving husband needn' help.<BR><P>------------------<BR>

Sorry to hear all the problems. It sure puts my troubles in perspective. I don't have any answers for you I'm afraid, just sympathy, or empathy. I'm also 6'2", my soon to be exwife 5'2", and she has slapped me on occasion. I've never hit her ever, nor cheated on her. But she's unfaithful and wants a divorce.<P>I've been on Prozac for three years now because of the depression caused by the marriage problems, and I really feel I wouldn't have made it without the Prozac. Things are terrible for me now, but they'd be a lot worse if I didn't take my meds. <P>I don't know how to help someone like you described your wife to be. I'd just pray for them and ask God over and over and over and over what I should do. It's one thing to love someone "as long as you both shall live", and it's another to damage yourself in a bad relationship. <P>Heck, I don't know what I'm talking about, I'm just a musician. I just wanted to let you know I have prayed for you, and that you yourself should probably try to get some therapy and maybe even Prozac, since from my own experience, I've found a mentally disturbed person can easily spread that illness to a loved one.<P>I sure wish I could just pray, wave my hand and make her mind clear up totally....<BR>Sorry I can't.<P>------------------<BR>Waiting for God...

I have several friends who are bipolar and I know that these people can live wonderful lives but they have to cooperate with their psychiatrist (M.D.) and psychotherapist.<P>Some anti-depressants can cause hypermania. Mania is not always thoughts of grandiosity. It can be irritability or aggression. <P>This woman needs help. Hospitalization would probably have been the better choice for her that night. <P>You might consider readin some of Kay Jameson's books. I'm not sure it that is the correct spelling of her name. She is a psychiatrist and is bipolar. She would certainly know her stuff.

Oh my, I have a son bi-polar as well. It can be a nightmare.My son currently has 3 years clean and is a counsel tech for drug addicts and mental disorders. If you would have asked me 3 years ago if I could see where he would be I would have told you your nuts. READ and educate yourself. Understand the illness so you can help. Kay Redfield Jamison"The unquite Mind".She wrote the handbook for the medical profession and has it herself. Patty Duke's story. Support groups in the paper in the phone book. Call Local hospitals or mental institutions to find open meetings for family members. Please take care of you... I know how difficult it can be..My heart goes out to you as well as my prayers.......You can get those books at the local liabrary...Keep in touch.<P>Best Regards<BR>C

Hi Jimmy,<P>I'm bipolar, type II, and a recovered alcoholic/user. I agree that hospitalization sounds like the best route for your wife and her unstable condition. But Jimmy, your wife apparently has a significant addiction problem on top of the bipolar. I don't care what meds she's on, because she's not going to get the full benefit of any medication until she can quit drinking and using. And hon, there's not a lot you can do to help her unless she wants to be helped. That's a sad fact I had to realize when it became evident that my husband's addictions were ruining our marriage. There are support groups on the Internet just for the SO's of bipolar folks. I know how helpless and frustrated you must feel. My thoughts are with you. God bless.<BR> <BR>Nell

Yes...BP can make a relationship very challenging...I have been there. This past year a very good friend finally got some clue on the way his 17 year old son was behaving...BiPolar with rapid cycling as well and he and I both continue to learn more each day about this disorder and and how if affects people we care very much about.<P>Nell is right on...the meds and therapy are must but...the meds will not work for a second and can actually put a persons health at serious risk if they continue to drink and engage in substance abuse.<P>A word of advice...prozac seems to be one of those meds that is not given most often for BiPolar...I suggest you make sure your partner sees a Psychiatrist that has a special focus on Major Depressive Disorders.<P>One of the newer meds for BiPolar is Depakote...take a look and read all you can about his newest drug. It has received FDA approval for the treatment of sever Migraine headaches, Seizures and BiPolar (Manic/Depressive) disorders.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.rxabbott.com/br/dep/dep001.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.rxabbott.com/br/dep/dep001.htm</A> <P>Also, there are groups that can help you as a partner of someone who is BiPolar...The National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association has chapters all across the country to help you better understand this disorder and help you to help yourself learn to cope and better understand.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.ndmda.org/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.ndmda.org/</A> <P>Best of Luck to you!<P>mr r

Again, I am no expert but I would guess that no one will get your wife to deal successfully with her BPD until she deals with her addictions. I would imagine that hospitalization is the only way that this can be done. And if she is living with people full of addictive behaviours, this will be hard to accomplish.<P>You can love her all you want but it's going to be very hard to help her until she's ready. That doesn't mean you should stop trying. It just means it will be hard. <P>Do you have a means of getting professional help and support for yourself in all of this? Have you considered AlAnon or NarcAnon, or what ever it is called. The 18 months I spent in a coaddict 12-step group were very good for me. I heartily recommend it.<BR>

I posted a reply to your new thread...<P>MR R