Vent! Vent! Vent!<P>Well, our final anniversary came and went this weekend. I showed up at her house early that morning with freshly picked flowers and a card. I knocked on the door, she opened it, and I said HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. Then I started to loose it we hugged, I took the girls and we left. I brought the girls back around 8:45pm. As I was preparing to leave I asked her for a hug. She asked “Why?”. I told her that no matter what is going on this day will always be an important day in our lives. She stood up and we just chatted, neither of us making any moves. After about 10 minutes of this I turned to leave, she said “Don’t you want your hug?”. We held each other.<P>As I pulled away, I gazed into her eyes, I went to give her a peck on the cheek and I got a surprise. Let me preface this by saying that my wife has never been one to show love, she has never liked kissing. But she planted a kiss on me that took me back to the days of dating. We showed each other such passion. It was decided that I should stay for a while and leave before the kids got up in the morning. <P>Not to get into to great of detail, but we “made love” that night and that is something that we haven’t done for many many years. I held her, she held me and for a brief moment in time two bodies were locked as one. Well maybe not such a brief moment more like a couple of hours . God it was great.<P>I left in the middle of the night and realized that I made a mistake. The next day she asked me to come over and shave the dog. Of course I did and you could sense the tension between us. By the end of the day she was starting to lash out at me so I left before any arguments could start. She called that night, I talked to the kids and then talked to her. She had went a whole two days without yelling at me and she let it all out. Up to now I’ve done a really good job of not arguing, but we were talking about the kids and I did argue back. Said things I didn’t mean and I’m sure that I fed her anger towards me. I called back later and tried to apologize, she hung up on me.<P>I fully realized going into this weekend that she will not allow our marriage to work but it was nice to pretend for a while. For the first time during this process I truly just feel numb. I’m not sad and I’m not happy. I’m just breathing. This really can’t by my life, when will I wake up from this nightmare? I guess the real question is “When will she wake up and view the damage she’s done”? Will the guilt ever set it?<P>Bill<BR><P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

((((((((LH))))))),<P>My thoughts are with you - sounds kind of like a tough weekend...that's the problem with pretending...you have to face reality sooner or later.<P><BR>Hang tough<P>Lisa

<<I left in the middle of the night and realized that I made a mistake.>><P>Made a mistake staying or leaving? (Sometimes I'm dense.) Up until the dog shaving, I was cheering ya on, buddy! I don't know your story, but it seems to me there's something in both camps worth igniting. She sounds really angry and frustrated, and that's giving her a hair trigger when she's dealing with you. She HAD to have been touched by your letter and fresh flowers! Maybe go reeeeal slow? And write another letter?<P>Follow your heart,<BR>Nell

((((((((Bill)))))))))<P>I can't understand how she could be so loving in that moment and so cold a few days later. You sound to be doing well though.<P>You're not the first one that has fallen into that situation either. <P>I'm curious, how soon after, you knew it was a mistake?<P>Hugs, Dana

DanaB,<P>After we finished I held her. While I was holding her I realized that it probably was a mistake. We got lost in passion once again. Again I held her, this time I was starting to kick myself, knowing I had made a mistake. I wanted to just get up and leave. I held her til she went to sleep, kissed her on the forehead and left.<P>Yes it was a mistake but on the other hand I'm quite sure that it was the last time I'll ever "make love" to my wife. Not bragging, but it was a night to remember.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Oh bill. Hugs to you. I am not sure what to really say. In the beginning of your post I was cheering for you also but....<P>Is your wife depressed? (exwife) <P>Maybe others with more experience will enlighten you. I feel for you and am thinking aabout you.<P>hopelessmom

(((LISA))) (((NELL))) (((DANA))) (((HOPELESSMOM)))<P>Thank you ladies so much. Having you all around makes this so much easier. I guess if nothing else it reassures me that not all woman are cold hearted bit&(es like my wife, those are her words not mine.<P>She called me today and complained about be ordered by the Judge to get full-time employment. Then she asked me for some money. I told her I'd check into it and see if I had any.<P>This is what gets me. This woman doesn't give a crap about me and treats me like dog sh*&. When she needs anything I'm old Mr. Reliable. Why can't I just tell her no. I would give my life for this woman.<P>Anyway, thank you all and your in my prayers.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Bill,<P>My right hand is on your cheek to the side of your mouth, and my left hand is on the other cheek to the side of your mouth. I am helping your lips form an "O" shape. Now say it . . . "no"<P>GOOD!! Now try again.<P>"no" <P>More of a "long O" sound on the o . . . "nooooooo".<P>VERY GOOD!<P>Now, say it like she just took money from you and in her next breath she yelled at you for leaving her . . .<P>"Nooooooooo".<P>Oh, Bill! Excellent! I can feel your self-esteem building. Okay. Once more, with feeling. She just took your money, filed for sole custody, told you what a louse you are and then asked you for a favor! <P>"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".<P>Good job, Bill. I think you've got it!<P>Now, Bill, I will throw in my $2.00 worth because I am worth more than two cents! Heehee. I think that making love was not a mistake. Even though you two (you and she) are in the midst of a mess and separated and stuff, the two of you are still married, and the fact of the matter is that even while she is temporarily insane, she probably still wants to feel loved and lovable. Look, the real fact is that you both miss each other on some level, you both reached out in a moment of need, and you reached toward each other. I don't think that's a mistake.<P>Now, if she is bound and determined and goes through with this divorce, it may set you back some on your road of disentangling and letting go and moving on. But you know what, everyone has those set backs, and you learn from them. Don't regret that you had the set back!<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

CJ, <P>Getting ready to leave for the day and saw your post. Thank you dear.<P>Now that was "n" "N" "no" "No" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"<P>Okay I think I've got it. Thank you for the slap up side the head, I finding that I need those daily. You really gave me something to think about tonight.<P>Have a good evening,<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

<<I am helping your lips form an "O" shape. Now say it . . . "no">><P>ROFLMAOOOOO!!! Whadda hoot! "Temporarily insane," indeed! Being a bipolar bear myself, I was admiring your wife's apparent mood swings when I came upon the suggestion that she might be clinically depressed. Hmmm...food for thought, there. Now, I know you're crazy about this woman, you'd die for her, and walk on hot coals and stuff, but I was wondering if you're a little too available presently? Do you think some "Bill withdrawal" might get her attention long enough to successfull plant, um...viable alternatives to your present state? I'm talking in general; you know the specifics. You could be doing things that Bill likes to do/learn/explore/etc.<P>Practicing the "O" shape,<BR>Nell

Man, I almost lost it reading your post. It's been awhile since I dealt with that, but I remember the pain. Know what I think? When that happened with my ex and me, it was like, just for that brief time, we were the people we had been when our marriage was at its best, not who we had both become. Time and life have molded us into who we are, but sometimes I grieve over who we were. I grieve the death of the love we shared at one time. That doesn't change the way things are today, but it reminds me that it wasn't all bad. Helps with the anger management sometimes. I survived. You will, too. And be stronger and wiser. Trust that.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nell:<BR><B><<I am helping your lips form an "O" shape. Now say it . . . "no">><P>Do you think some "Bill withdrawal" might get her attention long enough to successfull plant, um...viable alternatives to your present state? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Nell, I'm doing that to a point now and yes I did see some difference. Last week I did quite a few different activties. I went and watched a band record a song, went to the races, and other fun stuff. Maybe that had something to do with her wanting me to come over on the weekend.<P>I guess now what I am struggling with is how far to take it. Should I not be at her becon (sp) call or is that love busting. If she needs something, should I fullfil that need. Or do I slip into the Plan B mode. Awful hard to do with kids but I could use a slightly modified version.<P>I could just be a total a$$ like she is. No on second thought I can't. I'm not that type of person. <P>Still thinking.<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-<p>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited May 31, 2001).]