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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18 |
Any guys out there going through my situation? I'm a faithful christian man married to an unchristian woman. Last Friday I found proof that she has been having an affair, something I suspected for a couple years, (I'm a nice guy, was raised that females are: "sugar and spice and all things nice", --what a crock-- and am way too naive; believe totally in God, and take my wedding vows absolutely seriously). She wants a divorce, says she doesn't love me anymore. I really feel like she's a "fair-weather" wife, one who subscribes to the idea of we'll stay married "as long as I shall love him".<BR>God this hurts....<BR><P>------------------<BR>Waiting for God...
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
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Yeah, I think with some minor differences, most of us here have been exposed to the "beauty" of infidelity. Most of us here have been the betrayed, and yes, we all know the pain that goes with it. All I can say is that it does get better with time, but very very slowly ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif) .<P>Care to tell us more of your story?<P>AGG
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 61
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 61 |
Many of us are or have gone through what you're going through, including me. It's absolute hell, make no mistake. But what I've noticed with me and others I see here, is we all make it through it, and at least for me, this whole experience is a gift: I know things about being and staying in a positive relationship that I never would have known. Learn all you can learn about this situation. Observe other married couples. Keep yourself busy--since this all started, I've learned ice skating and guitar and feel better about myself than ever! The one thing I'm dealing with now is what we've done to our daughter. I'm hoping to offer some wisdom on this in the future.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 61
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One more thing that helped me deal. For everything you do related to your wife, and your children if you have any, explicitly ask yourself this question: "Am I doing something that I will look back and be ashamed of or proud of?" I found that the answer is always obvious. Even through all the hell my ex put and is putting me through, I know I'd much rather be me than her, because I'm proud of everything I've done.
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18 |
I'm brand new to this site, so I don't know if I'm doing this right... Anyway, to answer the first reply:<BR>Thanks very much. For some reason it feels a tiny bit better when someone else tells you they've been through it also. I wish it felt a WHOLE LOT better though... <P>I'm in a bit too much pain right now to want to tell more of<BR>my story. Also I'm at work and can't take the time now. Perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to do more if I get some free time. <P>reply to reply #2,<BR>thanks also to you so much for your thoughts. What a bizarre world that has so much pain in it... to misquote someone,(Byron? Huxley? Blake? I don't know...)<BR>Thanks again very much.<P>------------------<BR>Waiting for God...
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18
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OP
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18 |
I like that idea, Trying2BMe. I know I'm very proud of the fact that I've been able to be faithful to her. I'm also proud that I am thinking more of the good of our son than she is. Now, I have to be very careful about my pride... I have had experience that when I feel to much of it something unpleasant happens. But I know what you mean, and that's one of the reasons I've stayed with her as long as I have.<BR>Thanks again,<BR>
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 273
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Posts: 273 |
Not to burst your Christian bubble, but it is my lying, cheating XW who is the "Christian". I'm not a Christian. I'm basically a deist. She prays for ME. Get that. Ha Ha Ha. I'll put my morals above many so-called "Christians" any day. <P>Affairs are an addiction that even religious beliefs cannot stop. <P>I put myself on alert whenever someone calls themself a Christian as I figure I'm about to be scammed. Too many of them are Christian in name only.<P>Kevin <BR>
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18 |
well, this is the last I can write today...<P>Yea, I know what you mean about "christians". We're all humans... like the bumper sticker says, "christians aren't better, just forgiven". I know adultery, lying and all that happens in churches just as it does outside, and it makes me sick. <P>Thanks for your reply though. But as I said earlier, I wish I WAS the only one going through this. The world would be a lot better if infidelity was extremely rare.
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