Hi gang,<BR> Bit confused need input from all. It has been so long since I wandered about this. (can't believe I forget)<BR>How do you know when it is the right one or someone worth the time? How do you pursue it and figure things out? I'm not even sure I know what love is. I'm not sure if I'm capable to love and even at that most of all not sure if cabable to be loved! I don't know where I'm going with this but just for my knowledge!!!!!!I know I'm in plan B stage and just wandered about this.<P>Confused<BR>........JJ........

So, are you talking about your spouse? You indicate you're in Plan B... or are you wondering about being in love with another person? Makes a bit of a difference here...<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

No I'm not talking about my spouse. I geuss it was a stupid question. Just wandering how to start over with some one new.<BR>If it is right or lonelyness<P>..........JJ...........

I am not divorced yet (and have no desire to be). But, I haven't lived with my husband for quite some time and he has been with the slug (OW) for that entire time, so my thoughts have occasionally gone to "what if I have to start over?"<P>JJ, your question is NOT stupid at all. It's not an easy question, though. I think it will vary from person to person.<P>You are already divorced, right? How long has it been? Are you "over" your ex?<P>Do you have someone in mind already that you feel you might be interested in? Does the person share the same interests? The same values? Do you feel good when you are with the person? Do you feel good when you are NOT with the person?<P>Try to be as realistic as possible when it comes to a new relationship. Don't deliberately sabotage them, but do think about whether that oh so cute personality quirk will be oh so annoying if you live with it 20 times a day every day for the rest of your life. Remember that all new relationships are exciting, but reality is what you will have to live with forever in a marriage.<P>If he is very serious, and you find that romantic, remember that it might be less romantic if that's the way he is ALL the time. Same if he is a funny guy. Some funny guys cannot be serious ever, and that can be a problem in a relationship.<P>I guess consider all the angles that Dr. Harley covers on the website... will he be able to meet all of your MOST IMPORTANT emotional needs? Will you be able to meet HIS? Do you even know what his emotional needs are?<P>This might seem like putting the cart before the horse, but it is really more like checking out the horse's health before you hook him up to the cart... because if you hook him up and he can't handle the load, you could wind up walking...<P>Sorry for rambling, I get carried away some time. But, I do want you to know that I don't think there are any stupid questions except the ones that you don't ask. <P>Hope this has helped in some way!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Thanks Terri,<P>There is noone in particular. Just have mixed emotions going on. Just wandering how and when I will know. It has been a long time since I did the dating scene thing. Don't want to make the same mistake a third time.<BR>But thank you coming from you means alot.<P>.........JJ.........

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Once, working with a group of five single patients, all passive dependent people, I asked them to speak of their goals in terms of what life situations they wanted to find theselves in five years hence. In one way or another each of them replied, "I want to be married to someone who really cares for me." Not one mentioned holding down a challenging job, creating a work of art, making a contribution to the community, being in a position where he or she could love or even have children. The notion of effort was not involved in their daydreams; they envisioned only an effortless passive state of receiving care. <B> I told them as i tell others: "If being loved is your goal, you will fail to achieve it. The only way to be assured of being loved is to be a person worthy of love, and you cannot be a person worthy of love when your primary goal in life is to passively be loved." </B> . . . All the members of the aforementioned group found it agonizingly difficult to buy a house, separate from ther parents, locate a job, leave a totally unsatisfactory old job or even invest themselves in a hobby. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>