continuing the tradition...<P>The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.<P>"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"<P>The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.<P>"Yes?" asked the instructor.<P>"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"<P> <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

heehee, thanks Nick!!

lmao thanks<BR>.......JJ.......

Ya know that I can't resist a funnies page!!!!!! <P>Palm Reader<P>Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided<BR>to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table.<P>Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read<BR>your love line and tell your romantic future."<P>Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open<BR>palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."<P>"That's true," said Paul.<P>"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"<P>"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you<BR>tell all of this from my love line?"<P>"Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."<P><BR>Ewe - Gross

A blonde and a redhead are in an elevator with a fine looking gentleman when the redhead notices he has dandruff.<P>Redhead: "He could use some Head & Shoulders"<P>Blonde: "How do you give shoulders?"<P> <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Golf Lesson<P>A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do. The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot. The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard - grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis.". <P>The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway. The pro said "That was excellent!! Let's try it again only this time take the club out of your mouth."<P><BR>Bad Billy going to sit in the corner <BR>

In the tradition of Marital Jokes, I bring you today's selection:<P><BR>A fellow was invited to the home of some old friends for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. <P>The guest was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his friend, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names." <P>His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago." <P><BR> <P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

<BR>Golden Wedding Anniversary<P>A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. <P>"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once.'<P>"We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'<P>"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot the mule dead.<P>"I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, 'That's once'."<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

This old man in his eighty's got up and was putting on his coat.<P> His wife said, "Where are you going ?"<P> He said, "I'm going to the doctor."<P> And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"<P> "No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."<P> So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?"<P> She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."<P> He said, "Why?"<P> She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."<BR>

"The Dial"<P>A lady in her late 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a face lift. The doctor told her of a new procedure called "The dial" where a small dial is planted on the back of the head and can be turned to tighten up the skin to produce the effect of a facelift.<P>Of course, the woman wanted "The dial", had the surgery and all was well.<P>Fifteen years later the woman went back to the surgeon. "All these years everything had been working just fine.", she started, "I've had to turn the dial on lots of occasions and I've loved the results. But I seemed to have developed two annoying problems with my face." "Go on" the doctor said. "First of all", she continued, "I've got these terrible bags under my eyes and the dial won't get rid of them."<P>The doctor looked at her and said, "I'm afraid those aren't bags, those are your breasts."<P>She replied, "Ah, I guess that explains the goatee as well."<P> <BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by c00ker:<BR><B>A blonde and a redhead are in an elevator with a fine looking gentleman when the redhead notices he has dandruff.<P>Redhead: "He could use some Head & Shoulders"<P>Blonde: "How do you give shoulders?"<P> <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>hahahaha -- reading innocently along and then spewed my coffee... good one!!<P>

Thanks for the laughs everybody!!<P>Hey LostHusband and Jayhawk: I went to college in Kansas (Hesston College in Hesston) and I DO NOT remember people from Kansas being this funny.....have they changed the crop-duster's formula recently or something?<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mrs.O:<BR><B>Thanks for the laughs everybody!!<P>Hey LostHusband and Jayhawk: I went to college in Kansas (Hesston College in Hesston) and I DO NOT remember people from Kansas being this funny.....have they changed the crop-duster's formula recently or something?<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Everything has been so different since I started eating those wild mushrooms. Oh Well, I'm going to go eat a couple gallons of ice cream topped with cornuts and mushrooms.<P>Got to do something Lord know we ain't got no ocean around here.<P>Have a nice day<P>

THAT's for sure!!!<P>Whew, while Kansas has a beauty of it's own.....I had a real hard time with the flat, dry, ocean-less-ness of it....<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>

You eat enough of those mushrooms and Kansas has plenty of oceans, mountains, deserts, lava pits, rivers and even the occassional rainforest. Those mushrooms are sumptin' else <P>Don't forget Nick, Mrs. O......he's an 'ol Kansas boy too!<p>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited May 30, 2001).]

"You eat enough of those mushrooms and Kansas has plenty of oceans, mountains, deserts, lava pits, rivers and even the occassional rainforest. Those mushrooms are sumptin' else" <P>OMG, Jayhawk, you are too much!!!!!!<P>Kansas? I wus bornd dere!<P>Ragamuffin<p>[This message has been edited by Ragamuffin (edited May 30, 2001).]