Hi folks, I was reading stuff this morning, and I thought I'd copy this over here, because it applies in so many ways - to our marriages and relationships, to our families, and especially even to our group here. It's based on Tradition One of the 12 Traditions in Al-Anon, but again, its relevant to alot more than just an alcoholic setting.<P>There's been quite a bit of nastiness in a couple of other threads here. The purpose of our little corner of the MB community is to support and help each other - not rip each other apart. <P>Anyway, take what you like, apply it where you like, and ignore the rest freely!! <P>(Oh and a quick note for those of you not familiar with "Higher Power" - it is God, however you understand God to be - or whatever power is greater than yourself if you do not believe in God.)<P>***************************************<BR>OUR COMMON WELFARE COMES FIRST. A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP DEPENDS UPON UNITY.<P>Unity begins with an individual. Having unity within oneself with one's Higher Power is vital to expressing unity in any other relationship. When one is following the guidance and will of a Higher Power, inner balance is achieved and then the ability to participate in a healthy relationship is greatly improved. Thus, the relationship's unity is best served by each individual's unity with a Higher Power.<P>Unity - "all for one and one for all;" "the greatest good for the greatest number" is our goal. This applies in any group (two or more people). The unity of the group has to come first otherwise we will find ourselves pulling in different directions. Working together depends upon the harmonious cooperation of the family or relationship's members. This will include a willingness to listen to the ideas, feeling and opinions of each other with an open mind, sharing our own various views, feelings and opinions and then being willing to accept what the majority of the family or relationship's members have agreed upon as a plan of action, etc., and not the insistence that our way be the only one. Flexibility is a great asset to unity within a family or relationship.<P>In a family or relationship unit, each member has the responsibility to be open and honest in the expressing of his/her ideas and feelings. This also means that all members of the family or relationship must be willing to share in the day to day duties and responsibilities of the family or relationship and to serve the family or relationship as a whole - thus the unity will prevail. <P>Communication is a most vital commodity. The strength of the family or relationship comes from recognition and understanding of our mutual needs and when we discuss them openly, we help each other. Sometimes one has to agree with what is best for the family or relationship as a whole, but not necessarily one's own desires. A free and tolerant exchange of views is something that requires a persistent practice of the 12 Steps in all our affairs and especially within the family or relationship unit.<P>Unity keeps the family or relationship together. Any dissention or controversy hurts the unity and thus hurts the relationship as a whole. Quantity of program is not as important as quality of program. No one is an all-wise authority on everything. All members of the family or relationship have a purpose and a part to play in the relationship as a whole. Remember, together we stand- divided we fall. We must maintain unity to survive. <P>We have relationships in the first place because we believe "WE IS BETTER THAN ME.' Please note that the Traditions for Relationships are written in the plural just as the 12 Steps. This denotes that we are no longer alone in our search for healthy relationships. However even though we are together, we must retain our individuality. Each person enhances the relationship. We each can stand alone and be independent of the other, YET, WE PREFER to stand together as a unit. <P>The partners in a healthy relationship must believe that two are better than one for a relationship to work. Each has to pull his/her own load in order to maintain any kind of unity. Being joined by a mutual desire to have a healthy relationship, the life of that relationship will depend upon the maintenance of unity within the relationship. <P>ASK YOURSELF HONESTLY:<P>1. What exactly is meant by unity?<P>2. Why is unity so important to a healthy relationship?<P>3. How does prejudice and narrow-mindedness affect unity with others?<P>4. How important is open-mindedness in a relationship? Do you express your thoughts and feelings freely to your partner?<P>5. Are you more of a "giver" or a "taker" in your relationships?<P>6. Do you have a balance in your relationships, avoiding extremes?<P>7. Do you use silence as a refuge or punishment while expecting others to read your mind?<P>8. Have you defined your needs in the relationship and openly discussed them with the others involved?<P>9. Can you be flexible in matters of what you want in a situation or what you desire in the relationship? Can you accept others as they are?<P>10. How do fights, arguments and controversy affect the unity of a relationship.<P>11. Are you honest or self-deceived by your own thoughts and actions in the relationship?<P>12. How does stubbornness affect your relationship and its unity?<P>13. How healthy are your current relationships?<P>14. What action can you take to change your feelings about something or someone?<P>15. In your current relationships what can you do personally to promote more unity?<P>

Good morning dear BR,<P>You are my inspiration <P>Just wanted you to know that...<P>This stuff you're posting is WONDERFUL. Very thought-provoking!!!!!<P>(((((BR)))))<P>This weekend, while visiting my family, I brought back my OA book, and my 24 hrs a day (AA) devotional... getting back into the mindset... <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

BrambleRose,<P>I love this! How do you do it--do you have dreams that tell you just when to post exactly what I need to see, or what?<BR>Unity is exactly what is lacking in my relationship right now, and I needed a clear, concise way to explain it. WOW!<P>BTW, skip the men--can I just marry you? <P>You need to hear this my dear. I am so very, VERY thankful for you. It seems like you understand everything and you always contribute wise thoughts and thought-provoking posts. Yet, at the same time, you are never stuck up or looking down your nose at us, and you are so approachable and human too. Honestly, it gives me inspiration to think that if YOU can do it, I can too. If YOU can learn all this stuff, and hang tough, and be strong, and do what is right and healthy and good for you--I CAN TOO!<P>I am so thankful that you are here on this forum and my occasional email pal, and I'm not exaggerating, I thank God every day that He brought you here. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BrambleRose}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Hi Sheryl!! <P>Don't make me your inspiration, I didn't write this stuff!! I have to read it over and over and over and over .... you get the picture.<P>I'm slow...one of these days I'll actually figure out how to live this stuff.<P>CJ - heehee, you know what, until I came to MB and discovered that there really are some very decent good men out there, I used to make jokes about understanding why some women gave up and went lesbian!! <P>Thank to MB, I have a whole new respect for men. Thank goodness!<P>But I'm not wise. I'm still pretty screwed up myself!! Maybe we really are twins, because I simply post stuff that I am finding answers in for ME, and I figure that maybe it might help someone here too.<P>My answers aren't THE answers, because something else totally different may work for someone else!! I just know what I have experienced, and what has worked for me - and that's it. Wisdom is not something I have at all!!<P>And I'm glad you don't think I'm stuck up or condescending. I need your (as in everyone) help and support too much in my own life!!<P>I'm actually very tired and worn out and pretty sick of how my life has gone so far. I come here to feel hope that I too one day will have peace <P>I thank God everyday for sending me a wonderful place for support through the worst time of my entire life. I am blessed for finding all of you! <BR>((((((((((((((((((((((((Sheryl and CJ)))))))))))))))))))

BR,<P>I know, I know. Before MB I used to think I was a miserable excuse for a human and no one could ever understand me, and now I know that I'm actually quite fun and funny and smart and totally understandable (to the right personality types!). I'm right with you on one thing, though. I read these great things, things that you've posted or things that I read in a book, and although my HEAD knows that this is GREAT stuff and I need to apply it to my life, somehow I struggle and struggle and have trouble DOING what I know I ought to do.<P>Oh well. We will muddle through together, huh? It does sort of seem like we are on a very similar track, doesn't it? And oddly enough, what seems to help you, seems to help me! Yay!! {{{{{{{{{{BrambleRose}}}}}}}}}}<P>CJ<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.