We are a engaged couple. We love each but it <BR>seems we just dont get along. I say black, he<BR>says white. Sex,practically none. He says it has to be spontaneous. He told me I dont perform oral sex well, having sex with me is <BR>difficult because of my weight(I was heavier when he met me)but yet claims he loves me. When ever I voice my opinion I am called stubborn or a *****. He is a nice man basically if I want companionship. Im confused. He controls the money, sex,etc. Perhaps I am far to independent for him because I want a partnership.Equal in finances,equal in bedroom etc. Help!!!!

Beezer,<P>Dr. Harley has a Q & A column entitled "Choosing the Right Person to Marry": <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068a_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068a_qa.html</A> .<P>You say that your boyfriend is "a nice man", yet you list several items that would indicate that he's not. If you want to try to work on this relationship, I would suggest that you buy "The Four Gifts of Love" from this website. This is a book for newlyweds and engaged couples in which Dr. Harley goes over the MarriageBuilder principles: The Rules of Protection, Care, Time, and Honesty. The two of you should go over these concepts and understand them. And then PRACTICE them. Elimination of lovebusters is first. Meeting each other's needs is next. Learning to be completely honest (and encouraging honesty). These will help you build compatibility together.<P>If your boyfriend is unwilling to do this, or if you try and it's still not working out, I would end the relationship. It's not a marriage, there are no children, and you will get over it and find someone who can meet your needs.<P>Good luck.

Beezer,<BR>Read the book "Men Who Hate Women and the Women who Love Them." Your fiance sounds like he has some of the characteristics of the men in this book. It is very enlightening if you see he does. This book also gives you ways to manage this sort of controlling person BUT most of all, you should think long term. Is this really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Finally, have you been to pre-marital counseling? This may be a good way to get to the bottom of some of these problems and maybe work them out. Please STOP having sex with him - don't risk getting pregnant when you are not married and not sure of your feelings or commitment.

Beezer:<P>Just want to second (third?) what K and LLC said. It seems your fiance has some problems with control and respect. It's far better to get these resolved now than after the "I do"s.<P>The book K mentioned would probably be good for both of you to read. Give & Take (also by Dr. Harley) is good too.<P>Good luck.

thank you for your help in this. Its very appreciative. I give anything for this to work out but your right, its going to be very difficult and love can only accomplish so much. I just wish I did not love him so much.

beezer, I too as a man had a women claim she was in love with me deeply but she never found me sexualy attractive or deireable. But she married me because she loved me. I was so in love with her that I would take her on any condition. I was frustrated because when ever I did try to be amourous knowing she was turned off by me finally ate away at me. It wasn't long before I finally got control of my self esteem and said enough is enough. You dont want me then you really dont love me. I am a human being with needs, wants, and desires. She was not fullfilling my needs.<BR>Search your heart but beware I am now divorced. Yes I miss her but you know what...the pain does go away and I know somewhere out there is a person who will want me just the way I am. The same for you. Best of luck....