My husband and I have been married for just over six months and we've been separated for only a few days. Our problems began about 2 months ago when my husband began to withdraw. When I confronted him, he told me he didn't feel the "spark" anymore. Things got worse by him telling me he wasn't sure he wanted to be married anymore. After some time of trying to figure things out the emotion became to intense. We agreed to take a break for a week or so. I left and what was only to be temporary turned into 7 weeks. We agreed for me to go back and things were going well for a few days. Then, he pulled away again and this time he told me it would be the best for us to separate for good. I was devastated and left the next day.<P>Let me give you some background info on things. Things were ok for us in the beginning. We got along great but were under a great deal of pressure. We were living in a place we didn't want to be and he was unfufilled at his job. He applied to school to get his PhD and was accepted. We knew it would be tough when he was in school but I encouraged him to go through with it. At first I was apprehensive because we would be so far from both families, but after awhile I began to look forward to it. <P>My husband has a habit of freaking out when relationships get to intense. His answer to this is to run. He felt this time was different when we married but the old feelings resurfaced soon after. He is depressed and only after my encouragement sought help with medication. He self-medicates with alcohol, smoking and chewing tobacco in order to not deal with the emotions. He told me he loves me but is not in love with me and that he couldn't let me in to his heart. <P>What I'm faced with now is him going to school 1500 miles away and me never seeing him again. I don't want a divorce and am willing to fight for him as I do still love him very much. I am so distraught over the state of my marriage and feel helpless to do anything. My husband admits that he needs professional help but refuses to get any because he doesn't think it could help him or our relationship. <P>Any advice for me in what to do now?

Seriously,<P>you need to get counseling, because you will probably be banging your head against the wall for a long time. And personally, if after six months, this is a known pattern and the pattern has emerged, YOU can't change him.<P>Your love is not enough to change anything about him. your desire is not enough to change him.<P>i'm sorry to be unMB like, but that is the reality as i see it and have studied it for a long time. As difficult as it might seem, and as cold hearted as it is going to read, if you don't have kids, i would give it one year, no changes, time to live your life they way you want to, not the way someone else is forcing you to.<P>WIFTTy<BR>