<p>[ May 30, 2002: Message edited by: cantletgo ]</p>

<p>[ May 30, 2002: Message edited by: cantletgo ]</p>

just panicking. Never mind.<p>[This message has been edited by cantletgo (edited June 01, 2001).]

cantletgo,<P>From the OW's end --- more than likely, it's not about you at all. She's looking for something that she's not getting in her marriage, maybe something that she has been missing since the baby was born, something that may have been there before but isn't there now. (Just an idea.)<P>DO be suspicious. My mother saw what was going on and developing between my stbxH and the OW. I didn't pay attention to it because she had been a friend of our's and I had trusted her to some degree. Big mistake.<P>====<BR>The way you write seems so much like the way I used think. I get the impression that you have a thousand ideas running through your head and competing with each other for attention. Do you reach conclusions that you know in your gut are right, but you don't quite understand why they are right? Trouble sorting out all the information that you are gathering?<P>That's how I used to be.<P>When my Dr. placed me on my first true anti-depressant medication, I suddenly saw the horrible pit that I had fallen into. I saw things that I had never seen before. The difference was so incredible that I had a hurricane of guilt centered over me and I cried and cried. I moved through so many emotions - over and over again, I lost weight..... guilt, anger, sorrow, desolation, pity.... My H had been telling me that everything was my fault, and it all collapsed in on me all at once. Slowly I sorted myself out....and saw that most of what he was saying were lies.<P>I was on a roller coaster of emotion. But I think it was a necessary step.<P>I switched Drs. and the new one placed me on a different medication. The change was again remarkable. Minimal side effects, greater productivity, greater focus, my thoughts clicked into place, my energy level had shot up with the first medication and they remained high, but more level, with this one, and I had control of my life again. ---- But I was also still quite ashamed of having to take a medication. The stigma attached to psychiatric medication does still bother me some. <P>You've commented about being overweight. I am too. I've already lost 25 lbs. and I would like to lose another 70. One of the first things I did was to go see my regular Dr. and have several tests ran --- thyroid levels, and cortisol level (natural steroid). There are other things that can also cause weight gain, irritability, slight confusion or disorganization of thoughts, anxiety, fatigued, etc.<P>If those things are clear, then get an evaluation by a psychiatrist. Medication may be able to help you to maintain your composure and think more clearly when he tries to get you all riled up. Therapy may be able to help you to learn to defuse the situations in a non-LB-ing way.<P>I know you are worried about him. But you need to take positive assertive action in the one area where you have total control --- within yourself. Assertive. Therapy works slowly. Medication can speed the change with therapy guiding and helping to form new, positive behaviors. And many of the new medications are non-addictive.<P>You do know that it takes two to make the changes.....and he's not willing to make the changes at this time. So work on yourself. You will feel better with yourself, no matter what happens with him.<P>~Amy

<p>[ May 30, 2002: Message edited by: cantletgo ]</p>

was just panicking. Never mind.<p>[This message has been edited by cantletgo (edited June 01, 2001).]

cantletgo ---<P>To H*** with confidentiality. Get yourself the help you need!!!<P>Your H doesn't think you're serious about working on the problems? Well, the bills from the Drs. will show him that you are serious! It's amazing how serious people can get when there's money at stake.<P>[OK, now I'm going to get a little rough.]<P>You are using confidentiality and money as an excuse to get the help you need. So you are sitting here wallowing in self-pity. What is it that you are afraid of? Losing him? You're more likely to lose him if you don't do anything to help yourself. And if you don't do anything for yourself and still end up losing him, you'll be in even more trouble! Get out there and get some real help. Build yourself a support network. You can't half-a** this. Get out there and do it!!! <P>He's using all sorts of excuses to avoid dealing with the real issues too. You know how frustrating that is. It can be frustrating on here too. <P>You say that you want to get control of yourself, your life, your thoughts. But you won't go out there and DO something about it. He may be taking baby steps ---- taking baby steps is probably the most you can 'get' him to do. But you can 'make' yourself take leaps.<P>I viewed going to those Drs. as taking Leaps of Faith. I had to hand myself, my most personal and deep emotions, over to strangers that I didn't know and trust that they would help me to achieve my goals. Yes, it's very frightening. But it's a leap of faith. It's supposed to be frightening.<P>Can'tletgo - I hear you crying out for help. And I am telling you to let go. Let go and take that leap. <P>Tell your H that the situation is affecting you physically and mentally and that you know that you need some help to deal with handling the problems. If he's anything like my H was, he'll probably say that your a nut-job anyway and it's high time that you got in to see someone. Ignore it. <P>As for confidentiality, you should be able to work that out with your Dr. Depending on your state, there are laws in place that provide some protection. That's the sort of thing that you need to ask on your first visit.<P>~Amy

PS. I was often very tired & I did have had my thyoid checked annualy & its normal. Must have been mental stress!<P>I am still going to go to a therapist. I am not cancelling anything. Sometimes you just hear things about choosing the right person & what their methods are. The counselor has heard my recent saga & is referring me to someone he thinks will work for me & possibly could see my H if he ever was willing too. But I think it would have to be a psychiatrist to prescribe meds. These therapist are more psychologists. But I think they can consult the Dr for meds.<P>I have not told H I am going. He would think that work would find out & how he is seen on the job is extremely important to him. We had disagreements in his office in the past & he blames me for "shaming him" in their eyes. I know thats a load of crap but thats what he's convinced himself of. They couldnt care less & treat him like sh@#. He is more qualified than them & it kills him to get passed over in favor of politics.<P>I am going to go though! I like this Phil McGraw book. In the beginning chapters he says something like 'I am going to ask you to let go of your security blanket & free fall'. I hope to learn enough about myself.<p>[This message has been edited by cantletgo (edited June 01, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cantletgo:<BR><B>'I am going to ask you to let go of your security blanket & free fall'.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yeah, it can feel that way sometimes. And each time you jump it gets a little easier and you jump a little further. But those first few are frightening.<P>I am glad you are seeing a therapist. But from what you often post about arguments and what seem to be extreme emotional swings, I really think you should seriously consider an evaluation for medical intervention. Medicine won't solve the problems, but it can make solving them a lot easier.<P>~Amy