Things always get worse before they get better. Certainly, if everybody loses in a divorce, no one is much better in a losing marriage. My kid is SO much better with his parents separated than he was when we were together. I guess you have to pick the path that looks to be the most beneficial for all, but especially for yourself. I know if I'm OK and happy, my kid's gonna be OK and happy. I am convinced that Cody has a better chance at a normal childhood now with the prospect of his parents'imminent divorce. <P>No one gets married thinking, "Oh goody, I'll get to have that bodacious divorce after the kids are born!" It IS the last resort, at least for me. I tried literally for years to fix my marriage, but I was the only one working on a proactive plan. I know being bipolar was sometimes difficult for my spouse to deal with, but living with him was no cakewalk either. It would have been difficult had I had diabetes, irritable bowel syndrome, or periodontal disease. That's life, ain't it? My spouse is an alcoholic addict who refuses to look at his problems, see how they affect his family and himself, and recover. I went out of my way to treat my psychiatric condition, to ensure that I would be my healthiest, so that my family could stand to be with me. I'm getting divorced for myself, because I love my family.<P>It hurts like fire, but it is the best for everyone. As sad as it is, it is necessary if I want to retain any shred of sanity about myself. It's for me. I have to have hope that I will survive this life-shaking ordeal and see a buoyant future. Because I love them. I didn't have a future past the couch and video store 10 months ago. I'm getting divorced, and I am Roman Catholic. How's that for <BR>desperation? I have to tell myself that God does not want me to stay in a losing relationship, suffering like I have. Someone already did all the suffering for me, so who am I to put myself through this agonizing hell? I'm supposed to love, be loved, and feel loved, not duke it out over power and control. <P>So, here I embark on yet another one of life's mysterious journeys...<P>Because I love,<BR>Nell<P>
