I am head over heals in love with a man who loves me very much. He assures me all the time. I love you. Will always be faithful.<BR>However he does not find me at all physically or sexually appealing and we don't connect physically. We are set to get married relatively soon and I'm afraid if I dont fullfill his sexual needs he will find it elsewhere. Is it possible to be in love with someone and not want them sexually? I know there is different kinds of love and marriages. Can this possibly work out. Be best friends, build a life together, etc. We both have one girl each from previous marriages and agree thats fine. I know this man will be a great dad to my daughter (hers is deceased). He will be a good provider. However do you proceed into a limited if extinct sexual union? Do you hope that one day he will find me sexualy desireable and want me as much as I want him. I want him badly because I love him so much and just want to be one with him. Im sorry for my ramblings on but I am very unsure and scarced. I dont know if I can live with him or without him because as I stated, I am in love with him, heart and soul. Is there anyone out there who could enlighten me a little bit? Help!!!!

brennie,<BR>This will be an interesting post you have presented. Many of us on here are in the same boat or at least similar. I will watch this post and see what kind of responses you get. Can a man be in love with you and not want you sexually at all? I am in that same boat like I said, but I have to wonder why these men want to marry us and love us. I just don't understand. It is hare to live with someone that you want to touch intimately and they have to act like you may as well be caressing a board. My H was sexual at time and I guess that was what was giving me the encouragement to go thru with the marriage. But now I see at as only a lure.<P>didi

gee, sorry about my sloppy typing. I must be half asleep.<BR>didi

On MSNBC on-line there was an article called (I believe) "Is your spouse a friend or a lover". It was really good and talked about how different relationships need work in different areas, some need more trust/friendship others need the "spark" element. You might want to take a look at it. It was based on a book by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. I'm buying the book this weekend so if I get a chance I'll let you know how it was. It sounds like you're really head over heels for you fiancee so you have a great chance of making it work!

didi,<P>I almost posted only to brennie but then I realized you may interested in why I posted what I did. It sounds like you were burned REALLY badly and it's sad that you entered your marriage under a "false front" but hopefully bren's situation is different. Hopefully, since we're not in her relationship it's hard to be sure but I hope it's not the same. <P>brennie,<P>Maybe it would help if you have serious talk about infidelity before you get married so he knows it's not going to be acceptable.

I went looking for that book by the Rabbi but Barnes and Noble was out. I will try to locate it at Boarders next. If you do find it could you please forward to me the publisher since then I could order it. Many Thanks. Im still battling with myself over this. Its so hard. I physically want him and I fantasy night after night that we are making love. Sad, huh?

I will check tonight and see if I can find the publisher. <P>Not sad at all to desire your future husband! <BR>

Random House. <P>On an off note I heard about another "Good find" in the relationships section. One of my friends bought a book called "101 nights of romance". It has different ideas in it that are covered up so you can't see them ahead of time. You and your spouse take turns pulling one out each week and do what it says. Some of the stuff sounded corny (still lots of fun though ;-)

Brennie,<BR>I agree with you. Yes it is sad to desire your mate and not be reciprocated in any way in return. It doesn't have to be the same - but something in the intimate sex department. It really begins to get at you after a while. I thought I could take it and keep doing things to change the situation. Nothing works. We can go out have a fun romantic evening come home: nothing. Next morning: nothing. And it really makes your heart hurt.<P>Like I said before. What do you think is their deal? Are they covering up something? Or are some men just made that way? Also, have they had sexual relationships before? Mine has and so I think "Whats the problem now that he says he has finally found someone to love. ----What does anyone know about guys who do not connect Love with Sex. <P>didi