I got married rather suddenly last september. I have felt like we should have never gotten married since then. He's very selfish and depends on everyone else to do things for him. I feel like a mother rather than a wife. He acts like such a spoiled brat. He yells at me when I don't call the doctor for him and make his appointments, he gets angry when he doesn't get his way, and he won't get off his butt and go look for a job. I tell him that I can't afford to support the both of us on my income, hoping that he'd try harder to find a job. But no, he turns down jobs because they won't start him at 10.00 hr. However, he never graduated from highschool and has never taken his GED. i've asked him time and time again to please get his GED so that he can get a better job, but he refuses because he doesn't want to go back to school. I've always wanted someone to take care of me emotionally and financially. He can do neither. The last job that he worked he was making very little money, but it helped. Then I lost my job and he got upset at me because he never saw any of his money that he had made. So we had to move out of the place we were living because he wanted some of his money for himself, so we could not afford to live there and pay our bills because he wanted his money. I have never seen any paychecks of mine because they go to rent, utilities, etc..I'm sick of him wanting me to take care of him, sexually and financially. I feel like i'm being used and I'm just tired and stressed about all of it. I want to anull my marriage. I just need to know how to go about getting it done. Please help. I want out!!!

Too Young:<P>First, since you didn't specify (not that it's any of my business) I'm going to assume that you are between 18 and 22. You say that you got married very suddenly. Why did you marry this man so quickly and at such a young age?<P>Ok. enough with the questions. I'm going to tell you a very true story about a very young Princess (me at 21). <P>I had just got out of the military, had a baby, staying with my parents and was very lonely. So, I met a guy who was very cute, sweet to me,loved my daughter and boy was he good in bed. So what he didn't have a job or a diploma or GED. So what he didn't want to go to school. So what when he was finally forced to get a job he could only be a janitor at an elementary school for $5.25 an hour. So what, I went to college and when I did get a job made almost twice his salary. Well, we began to date and he was so nice and everything I thought I wanted. <P>One night it snowed and me and the baby stayed at his studio apartment. Needless to say, we agreed to move in together(You know, snow, wine, soft music, a night of passion...could happen to anybody). Suddenly this charming thing became this huge selfish monster! I had to constantly make sure HE was taken care of. Put my baby's needs last and his first. I cooked and cleaned did laundry and even though I had to be up at 5:00am, I stayed up until 2:00 am just so HE could get his rocks off and GOD FORBID I do something like take my attention from him and call a girlfriend, he'd jump up and down and yell and scream. He did this on a daily basis. It got to the point where he was jealous of the baby! Imagine that, a 21 year old man jealous of a three month old baby!<P>Well, like a dummy I stayed. His selfishness turned into abusive words for me and my child. <P>He would not get a job! When I finally put my foot down and forced him to get one. He became even more abusive verbally that is with a little pushing. Then the possessiveness came. I couldn't go to the store to buy sanitary items without him in tow. He continued to scream and yell and throw temper tantrums. Kept his money all to himself and spent mine (hundreds of dollars on lottery tickets). Got laid off. Had an accident with my car. I lost friends because of him. My family wouldn't have anything to do with me. But because I was so IIIIINNN LOOOOOVVVVVEEEE. I agreed to marry him after a year of living together. I actually thought that he would change. (Boy was I LOST!) <P>Believe me honey, things only got worse after that. I tried to leave four times, every time he cried, begged and threatened to kill himself. I really enjoyed wrestling a loaded rifle out of a man's hands, snatching knives, hiding pills ya know? All in front of my daughter.<P>In his many tantrums over me not paying enough attention to him or being too tired for sex, he shot the toilet, punched holes in walls, ripped doors off the hinges and threw televisions. Then me. Yes, I then became the swinging post for his tantrums. <P>This man was so selfish, he killed my diffenbachia (a plant) because I watered it and dusted it.<P>It finally took for us to get into a serious confrontation. I decided to hit back and baby, we went toe-to-toe. It was so bad that my daughter jumped in between us and one of us hit her. She had a black eye. I woke up then and realized that this was not the man for me. No matter how much I thought I felt for him. I was with him for the wrong reasons. I packed our things that night and left. It hurt...but I couldn't change him. He couldn't change me. He needed a blow up doll, not a wife. Something inanimate that he could scream at kick around and abuse all he wanted. Something that would always pay him attention and never be too tired or upset for sex.<P>From reading your post I gather that you do have feelings for this man. But know this, you are young. Have you really thought this through? Marriage is a lifetime commitment, not a tool to be used to get away from home or parents or whatever.<P>Do you really want to live this way? If you think that you can change him you are DEAD WRONG! God is the only one who can. And if you are steadfast on staying in this marriage which can quickly become a seriously abusive situation, I suggest you turn to God and pray.<BR>

Too Young:<P>First, since you didn't specify (not that it's any of my business) I'm going to assume that you are between 18 and 22. You say that you got married very suddenly. Why did you marry this man so quickly and at such a young age?<P>Ok. enough with the questions. I'm going to tell you a very true story about a very young Princess (me at 21). <P>I had just got out of the military, had a baby, staying with my parents and was very lonely. So, I met a guy who was very cute, sweet to me,loved my daughter and boy was he good in bed. So what he didn't have a job or a diploma or GED. So what he didn't want to go to school. So what when he was finally forced to get a job he could only be a janitor at an elementary school for $5.25 an hour. So what, I went to college and when I did get a job made almost twice his salary. Well, we began to date and he was so nice and everything I thought I wanted. <P>One night it snowed and me and the baby stayed at his studio apartment. Needless to say, we agreed to move in together(You know, snow, wine, soft music, a night of passion...could happen to anybody). Suddenly this charming thing became this huge selfish monster! I had to constantly make sure HE was taken care of. Put my baby's needs last and his first. I cooked and cleaned did laundry and even though I had to be up at 5:00am, I stayed up until 2:00 am just so HE could get his rocks off and GOD FORBID I do something like take my attention from him and call a girlfriend, he'd jump up and down and yell and scream. He did this on a daily basis. It got to the point where he was jealous of the baby! Imagine that, a 21 year old man jealous of a three month old baby!<P>Well, like a dummy I stayed. His selfishness turned into abusive words for me and my child. <P>He would not get a job! When I finally put my foot down and forced him to get one. He became even more abusive verbally that is with a little pushing. Then the possessiveness came. I couldn't go to the store to buy sanitary items without him in tow. He continued to scream and yell and throw temper tantrums. Kept his money all to himself and spent mine (hundreds of dollars on lottery tickets). Got laid off. Had an accident with my car. I lost friends because of him. My family wouldn't have anything to do with me. But because I was so IIIIINNN LOOOOOVVVVVEEEE. I agreed to marry him after a year of living together. I actually thought that he would change. (Boy was I LOST!) <P>Believe me honey, things only got worse after that. I tried to leave four times, every time he cried, begged and threatened to kill himself. I really enjoyed wrestling a loaded rifle out of a man's hands, snatching knives, hiding pills ya know? All in front of my daughter.<P>In his many tantrums over me not paying enough attention to him or being too tired for sex, he shot the toilet, punched holes in walls, ripped doors off the hinges and threw televisions. Then me. Yes, I then became the swinging post for his tantrums. <P>This man was so selfish, he killed my diffenbachia (a plant) because I watered it and dusted it.<P>It finally took for us to get into a serious confrontation. I decided to hit back and baby, we went toe-to-toe. It was so bad that my daughter jumped in between us and one of us hit her. She had a black eye. I woke up then and realized that this was not the man for me. No matter how much I thought I felt for him. I was with him for the wrong reasons. I packed our things that night and left. It hurt...but I couldn't change him. He couldn't change me. He needed a blow up doll, not a wife. Something inanimate that he could scream at kick around and abuse all he wanted. Something that would always pay him attention and never be too tired or upset for sex.<P>From reading your post I gather that you do have feelings for this man. But know this, you are young. Have you really thought this through? Marriage is a lifetime commitment, not a tool to be used to get away from home or parents or whatever.<P>Do you really want to live this way? If you think that you can change him you are DEAD WRONG! God is the only one who can. And if you are steadfast on staying in this marriage which can quickly become a seriously abusive situation, I suggest you turn to God and pray.<BR>

I am 28, and recently married. Other than the differences in our ages, we are both living similar lives. I am at my wits end about how to handle this crazy situation I have gotten myself into.<P>I was reading another thread in these forums, and there was a reference to another counseling site at www.divorcebusting.com<P>That site is aimed more at people who are trying to patch their lives together after divorce, but there were a couple of interesting articles- one called<BR>Why Should I Be the One to Change? <BR>and one called<BR>The Walkaway Wife Syndrome. <P>I don't think that either article is 100% right, but they at least helped me to try to focus on what I want and can do, rather than just how pissed off and hurt I feel.