I'm in love with a man that lies. Makes excuses for anything and takes me for granted. His most recent lie is that I found seductive pictures of is ex girlfriend in one of our computers. I later learned they have been calling each other and emailing each other as well. We've been having problems in our marriage .... we mostly me... I'm tired of his constant lies to family, friends you name it.I'm considering divorcing him but it hurts to think of my kids hearts being torn. I've tried to avoid this but I'm honestly scared to go it alone yet I look forward to the fact if I am alone I won't have to cover for him and worry that he might be telling me more lies.

Hi Nicky,<P>Welcome, sorry to hear of your troubles. Sure hope you'll take some time to read the basics and some of Dr. Harley's columns.<P>I recently read an excellent book called Lies, Lies, Lies, The Psychology of Deception and Deciet By Charles V. Ford.<BR>He discusses the issue of compulsive lying in terms you and I can easily understand. He defines a compulsive liar as a person who tells lies even when the truth would serve him better. He also deals with the different types of pathological liars, referring to a mental disorder.<P>Good Luck<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

Hi Nicky,<P>Frankly, I was like your H...but recently saw the light albeit a little late. Personally, I think the information on complete honesty at this site is right on the mark. Most if not all lies and deceitful acts are the result of insecurity and fear...perhaps from the fear that you would not like him if you knew the truth, the fear of confrontation, or fear of punishment. And I think for me, as Dr Harley points out, deceit was an instant gratification/short term solution to the problem rather than facing the music so to speak (or the full on orchestra).<P>My W tried just about everything before giving up...but nothing really mattered until my world was rocked to the point that *poof* I saw what I was doing and I really felt the effect it had on others. <P>He needs to want to see it. He needs to want to be a man and deal with consequences. Another good book is "The Road Less Traveled" by Scott Peck. Dr. Peck (sorry if I elevated him with an advanced degree) points out that lies conceal the <B>pain</B> of the truth. <P>Your H needs to been in tune with that because it is an important point. We all avoid pain to some degree as best we can but when we feel the pain, we face the truth, and we deal with the consequences of our actions...we are able to grow and have more meaningful relationships.<P>Good luck, I wish you the best and I hope he "sees it" before it's too late.<P>DD<BR><p>[This message has been edited by dumbdumb (edited June 02, 2001).]